Christmas Socks

Christmas Socks

The holiday season has many benefits for those of us who love whimsical and nostalgic times of year.  I sat in church this morning listening to the preacher talk about Ebeneezer Scrooge and his "ghosts" and how it can relate to the "guilts" of Christians.  We do tend to dwell too much on the past.  It can be particuarly damaging to us when we are unable to let the sins of our past go.  If we cling to the mistakes we have made, we will surely stay in the circumstances those wrongs yeild.

I am thankful for the good memories.  This time of year I love to think about simpler days gone by.  As a young child, even though I didn't have the perfect life and I have as many "ghosts" that haunt me as the next person, I had a wonderful gift of love that some will never know.  Bertie Mae was the most amazing grandmother any person could ask for.  She was my Granny and for as long as I can remember, I was just as special to her.  We were absolutely inseparable.  Granny's lessons in life live on today in my spirit.  I am the Christian man I am today because of her.

Granny had a wonderful relationship with all fifteen of her grandchildren.  She always bragged about each of the accomplishments we made and even though we were all very different, the thing we held in common was our genuine love and respect for our Granny.  A Cochran Christmas was very traditional.  Bertie Mae and her late husband J.D. Cochran had six children and they raised them on a cotton farming income.  J.D. passed away in 1964, just a few months prior to their youngest son Luther's death from cancer.  Bertie Mae knew about tragedy.  She experienced large amounts of grief and love as she entered the twilight of her life.

My Granny was never a materialistic woman.  She grew up and raised her family in rural Alabama in a time of industrial change and uncertainty.  Race relations, politics and world events of the 1960's and 1970's never concerned her.  She concentrated on doing what was right in the eyes of the Lord.  She always knew her ultimate reward would be in Heaven and not here on earth.  After my grandfather died, she lived on very little each month.  In fact, when she passed away at age 94 in 2003, her monthly income was $240.  Even though her income was so modest, each month, she gave $24 in tithes to the Jacksonville Church of Christ.

At Christmas, my aunts and uncles made sure the whole family would gather around Granny.  All grandchildren and later great granchildren would run and play together in the yard outside her single wide mobile home.  Granny and the women would prepare a great meal and we would all crowd in and enjoy the fun and family tradition together.  The small space didn't matter, because every year at this time it was important to Granny to have all her family in one place and we all tried our best to get along.

Every year, Granny would gather the whole family around.  She would sit in her favorite rocking chair with a large sack beside her.  Inside the sack would be a brand new pair of white socks for every member of the family.  She wrapped each pair separately.  We would all laugh and cheer as she passed out the socks and of course her wisdom and wishes for each of us.  I don't remember a Christmas going by that I didn't put those socks on my feet that night before going to bed.  There was just something about them being from Granny that made them so special.

My cousins and I reflect on our memories of her every time we get together these days and the white socks are always a favorite.  When a person shares so much and genuinely cares for you all of your life, it doesn't matter how little you have, you can feel like the richest little boy in the land.  I spent many days in the porch swing beside my Granny just talking and praying together.  She taught me how to tell God what I needed.  She encouraged me to follow the path He had layed out for me.  When I would go astray, I always found my way back to that swing and Granny would help me find forgiveness and direction.

I am sitting here right now looking at my Christmas tree and thinking of the laughter and love from a large family gathering and how much I miss that.  My family has mostly gone in different directions, and our paths don't cross nearly as often as they used to.  Because of the memories we created and the blessings of this time of year, I can always close my eyes and wander back to that place.

It is easy for most people to allow the past to haunt them and keep them from achieving something great in the future.  I am certainly guilty of that from time to time.  Tonight, I am sure I can find a nice pair of white socks rolled up in my dresser drawer, and I can put them on and remember good things.  I have a feeling Granny is nearby watching and cheering me on to do something great, right around the corner.  Merry Christmas and love to you all.

No Fear Or Shame

Depression has many symptoms and characteristics that also match other illnesses.  It’s easy to overlook or even deny the possibility of a depressive episode or emotional problem.  Many people are ashamed to admit or even consider depression playing a factor in their health.  I have heard the phrase used to describe an undiagnosed illness as, “it’s all in their head.”  Actually, that could be exact.  The problem is that depression doesn’t only stay in your head.  Depression is more than just a feeling of hopelessness, lack of energy, or general feeling of sadness.  It is a medical crisis and untreated can affect multiple parts of your body.

Medical professionals have stated many times that a physical illness can cause a person to become depressed, so is it truly feasible that manic depression can result in physical ailments?  Yes.  I have suffered from depression for at least 35 years and for approximately 30 of those I have also been diagnosed with multiple digestive and intestinal illnesses.  In my opinion, your mind dumps everything on your stomach.  Nerves play a major factor in how well a person can recover from any illness.  Physicians always encourage their families to keep a positive attitude, because it is a factor in the body healing itself.  We send get well cards to our friends and loved ones to encourage them during an illness.  The purpose, obviously, is to motivate them to keep a positive attitude about getting well.

I am currently seeing a chiropractor for degenerative disc disease, some chronic low back pain, and carpal tunnel.  We discussed my depression at length.  As a health and wellness advocate, Dr. Wade believes that my depression increases the tension in my muscles causing aches and pains, poor posture, and sedentary behavior.  Depression clearly compounds any genetic problems I may already possess.  The body is a wonderful creation by God and it is designed to heal itself from many ailments, however, the brain can interrupt that natural healing process.

Over the last few months I have struggled again with weight gain.  This is typical behavior for me in the late fall and winter months.  Shorter days give way to long dark nights.  Colder temperatures and dreary skies interrupt the abundance of sunshine our bodies need.  The holidays bring about a combination of joy and misery.  It’s a loving and beautiful season, but as a person gets older they have lost more loved ones and therefore can dwell on grief.  For an individual like me who suffers from Bipolar Disorder, this is a recipe for disaster.  It’s a roller coaster ride every day. 

Every person in the world has problems.  Everyone loses loved ones.  We all face our own levels of stress and no person is burdened more than another, it’s simply the way we handle it.  This is the nature of the disease.  A person with a chemical imbalance is not capable of recovering as fast as someone who had a stronger chemical makeup.  This is a fact.  Talents are unique to each person.  We are all different.  Some have an ear for music, an eye for design, a brain for business.  No two people handle the same situation alike, therefore no two people will handle their own different situations alike. 

A person who suffers from depression and related illnesses must not hold themselves to some standard set by society which prevents them from seeking the care they need.  Also, it doesn’t have to be hidden or covered up.  Thankfully, we are making great strides in society and even in the Church in dealing with each other.  I still have a family member who calls my disease, “your other little problem,” but I have learned not to let that stop me from seeking the help that I need or reaching out to others who may need me.  If you believe that God leads you down a path in life so that you can achieve goals in your heart and in His plan, then you understand that path may not always be lined with roses.  Sharing our setbacks, hardships, and trials with one another is just part of life’s healing process.  Imagine keeping dark secrets packed away so deep inside…will the body be able to heal itself in that condition? 

My great friend, Jean Chappell who recently left this world for her final reward had the best advice for sharing feelings.  “Depression feels like being trapped underneath a wet blanket,” she explained.  “You tear your way out from under that wet blanket however you can.  Once you get out, don’t give one thought to how your hair looks!”  This is sage advice on how to deal with public judgment.

Love to you all.

For A Season

Once Autumn arrives and green leaves begin to change into beautiful oranges, yellows, reds, and browns, the magic of God’s artistry becomes even more apparent.  For most of the country, warmer climates yield to breezy cooler days.  I have great memories of fall on the quad at my alma matter and the feeling of a brand new start each year.  Fall can be a great beginning to a new school year, a motivational start to a company’s new fiscal calendar, and of course the gateway to a splendid holiday season.  The season that produces shorter days and longer nights, however, can also be a catalyst for increased depression. 

The American Medical Association denotes a study between the correlation of sunlight and Vitamin D to a person’s energy and mood level.  In addition, literature produced by the Mayo Clinic shows exposure to the sun as a general mood enhancer.  While Thanksgiving and Christmas tend to bring out the best in people, including their joy and love for others, it can also compound emotional problems for those who may be suffering from grief or loss.  Minister Wayne Dunaway says December is the best time of the year to reach people and “prick their hearts” concerning the life of Jesus. “  “Christmas is certainly more commercialized than when I was growing up,” explains the Church of  Christ Minister, “however, as Christians, we should take every opportunity to save souls and Christmas time is when most of the world celebrates Jesus birth and are most open to His gift of salvation.”  It seems almost like a catch 22 during the holiday season.  Joy exudes from most people, while for those who may have struggles find it harder to cope with the dark cloud of depression.

Depression is a cruel and unforgiving illness.  The symptoms generated by this unpredictable disease can be triggered by the slightest of circumstance.  One of the down sides of the fall of the year is less sunlight.  People can become “seasonally depressed” because their days are shorter and they face each day knowing they are in “for a long night.”  A person who may suffer from a broken relationship or a death in the family could find it very difficult to face the extended hours of darkness. 

Suicide rates continue to increase more and more each year according to statistics produced by measureofamerica.org.  Many factors are attributed to America’s increased number of youth suicides in the last decade.  The top causes are bullying, sexual orientation, drugs, and low self-esteem, also published by the American Medical Association. 

As an individual who travels and advocates for those who suffer from all forms of depression, I have met many people who are diagnosed with Seasonal Depression.  This form of depression does come and go with a particular season of the year.  A possible trauma occurring in a person’s life can cause the onset, or some sort of chemical deficiency may be a factor.  For most who suffer from Seasonal Depression, the symptoms will subside after a couple of months.  Overwhelmingly in my conversations with others, the late fall and early winter months are the predominant times of year for Seasonal Depression. 

Depression in any form can be just as difficult for a loved one as it is for the patient.  People who are not clinically depressed may not have a good understanding of what someone is going through and may be at a loss as to how to help them.  The best advice as an advocate and public speaker I can give, is compassion and patience.  It is okay not to understand every issue another person has.  You must understand it is a very real problem and medical attention is needed.  Medication is not always necessary, sometimes counseling from a licensed professional or a spiritual guide can initiate improvement.  Just as I recommend with any person who suffers from depression, trial and error is essential.  What works for others may not work for you.  We all have a different chemical make-up and we all have different circumstances.

As the holidays approach, love and appreciation for the amazing life given to us by the Father is the most important healing attitude anyone can have.  Seek love and compassion from friends, family, coworkers and spiritual leaders who are willing to be supportive.  We all deserve to live a prosperous and joy-filled life.  In fact, that is exactly what Jesus died for, and He is the reason for the season.

Love to you all.

How Do I Help?

The commercials for antidepressants always say depression hurts...and not only those who have the disease, but the loved ones as well.  This is such a true statement.  Over the course of the last several years, I have had just as many family members of depressed people reach out to me for advice as those who have the disease.  As much as I understand what a hopeless feeling depression is, I can only imagine how a caregiver, mate, friend, or family member would feel helpless.  Today, a very sweet friend and former colleague reached out to me about a family member and it inspired me to try and explore a little deeper into the subject of treating depression when you are not the one who is depressed.

 

The first piece of advice I can give is to have compassion.  If you are reading this, or researching depression, then you obviously already believe it is a real medical issue and can be very dangerous.  Realize that depression can seriously alter someone's quality of life, just as any physically obvious illness would.  Please don't judge the person.  Understand they probably have lost complete control over their emotions and will not be able to regain an ability to cope until they seek professional or spiritual help.  If you have not already reviewed my article, "Faith Is A Factor," be sure to read it and understand that depression harms the faith of a person, but they didn't beccome depressed because they lacked faith.  This clarity will keep you from judging your loved one too harshly.

 

Next you need to have patience.  Depression can change daily.  If your loved one is bipolar, their mood swings can go up and down hourly, daily, weekly, etc.  This is known as rapid cycling.  You may feel frusturated because one day progress seems to occur and then another day there is regression.  This is comomon and truly needs to be expected.  I toured three states last summer and gave a number of speeches on battling depression and I am sure it appeared to most that I had gotten my act together.  I would still go home every day and crash.  My brother was brutally killed in a car crash at the beginning of my tour and even though I continued to speak, my moods cycled daily.  Patience is difficult when someone you love can display anger, bitterness, sadness, and other emotions that can be taken personally, especially if directed at you.  Please don't give up.  They will need you to withstand the destructive behavior they may exude.

 

Seeking professional help is a must if an episode lasts for more than two weeks.  Prolonged phases of inactivity, crying, mood swings, or destructive behavior is a clear sign of a chemical imbalaance.  Many people with manic depression and bipolar disorder will become impuslive, dangerous, permiscuous, and obviously plan or even attempt suicide.  Most physicians will recommend outpatient treatment if a person has a good suppport system at home, but inpatient programs are necessary depending on the severity of the episode.  When seeking medical help, you must encourage your loved one to be honest about every feeling and symptom they are having.  Since there are no blood tests to determine depression, symptoms and a record of feelings is imperative in gaining a proper diagnosis.  They should also understand that effective treatment takes trial and error.  Medications may only work for short periods of time before enhancements have to be made.  Again, it depends on the severity.  In addition to professional medical treatment, I am a firm believer in spiritual guidance.  Too many times doctors are overbooked and are in a hurry and unable to spend the quality time listening to a depressed patient.  A minister, fellow Christian, or licensed counselor are good options.  If the depressed person will allow friends or family to accompany them to counseling sessions it will make it easier for the support system to understand the root of the problems.  If your loved one insists on going alone, allow them to do so, because it is necessary to seek this help.  Still, always follow up to be sure they follow through.

 

Finally, you need to be as encouraging as possible.  A person suffering from depression needs a consistent shoulder to lean on.  I have had relationships with friends in the past where I would actually just call them up and say "you talk and I will just listen."  I would hold the phone and sob, but it helped me to hear the friend just make small talk until I composed myself enough to speak.  It's crucial that you assure your loved one you are not going anywhere.  As a bipolar man, I can tell you that the smallest of incidents can trigger a manic episode for me, so knowing that my closest loved ones are standing firm nearby to love without judgment keeps me safe.

 

I have said many times, emotional pain is more intense and agonizing than any physical ailment I have ever endured.  Your willingness to practice compassion, patience, and encouragement is more than rhetoric.  It's medicine blessed by God and it stays true to His Word.  I hope that you have found some helpful information and encouragement in knowing that your pain is recognized.  Loving and caring for someone who has major depression is draining and frustrating beyone words.  There is hope....you are that hope.  Please let me know if I can help in any way.  You can help me by sharing this article and reaching as many as possible who need to see that glimmer of light in the darkness.  God's favor shines brighter than any personal darkness.

 

Love to you all.

Paradise Perspectve Part III

Most people enjoy vacations.  They work hard in order to do the things they love when they are not on the job.  Some enjoy weekend river retreats, a secluded mountain cabin, or a condo at the beach.  We all need those times in life where we "get away" from the rut and routine we fall into with our jobs and family life.  Every now and then we are fortunate to take one of those BIG trips that are meant to be life changing.  For most of 2012, my trip to the Florida Keys had a major expectation to meet in my personal journey.  I built it up in my mind to accomplish three things.  1)Clear my head and allow myself to de-stress from the tense person I have become in the last year.  2)Provide the inspiration to continue to pursue my dream of becoming a reputable writer and speaker.  3)Strengthen my relationship with my best friends, the people I know who will hold my hand for the rest of my life.  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

 

Now that I have returned home from "paradise," in the worldly sense, I can't help but realize that God intended for it to be a spiritual awakening.  I have been on a path of self-destruction.  I haven't controlled my blood pressure, I allow any and everything to trigger my emotional rapid cycling, and I have felt undeserving of the very dreams God placed in my heart.

 

I don't want to impose my religious and spiritual beliefs on anyone, but if you are a better person than I am, you will most likely read my commentary without too much judgment.  For me, I spent many wasted years hard hearted at the Church because I felt like I would never measure up to what mankind wanted me to be.  I wasn't fortunate to hear a lot of preaching on the subject of grace and mercy growing up, so quite honeslty, it took me more than 25 years to believe that I will go to Heaven.  Friends, we will never save the people we love or convince non-believers about Christ's sacrifice by exuding judgment.  I advocate standing up for what you believe in, but it should be done with love and understanding not with hatred and animosity.  I recently engaged in  a political tangent and I hurt someone that I have known my entire life.  It was wrong and it was bullying in every sense of the world.  I should know better, because I have suffered from a lot of bullying in my past.  I am glad that I was able to make that situation right with my friend.

 

God is here to help us through His Word to stay focused and positive about our futures.  Some people are naturally more optimistic than others.  For those of us who struggle with depression and often  see darkeness rather than light, we must cling to something other than our own personal resolve.  Turning to God and the resources He gives me has changed my life immeasurably.  If you include Him in your pursuit of any goal, it will magnify the results.  What do you have to lose, my friends?  What possibly could a person be giving up by allowing God's love to flow freely in our personalities and in our lives.  It doens't make us hypocrites if we stumble.  It makes us human!  Alexander Pope said, "to err is human, to forgive is divine."  Jesus speaks often and eloquently about forgiveness in the New Testament.  His love for us in undeniable.  Relish in that love and forgiveness and strive each day to live better for Him.  Paul writes in his letter to the Romans, "Therefore having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord, Jesus Christ," Romans 5:1.  Faith is what you feel in your own heart, not what someone else tells you to feel.

 

I made the decision on this retreat to pursue the seed God planted in my heart to change my life through writing.  I have spent too many years doing what others thought I should do and quite possibly placing more faith in man than God.  Each person has his or her own "demon" that prevents you from realizing your potential, the feeling of contentment, and achieving your destiny.  You must determine what that obstacle is. 

 

Obviously people who have suffered the way that I have in regards to depression and related illness are near and dear to my heart.  Let me say this frankly to you;  it's just like dieting, starting a new relationship, developing a talent, or overcoming a bad habit.....nothing is going to reap success unless you first decide you want to.  Willpower originates in the very body where the disease resides.  I had to determine who the victor was going to be in my life and so do you.

 

Depression is dangerous and it takes millions of lives each year.  Be the blessing that someone else might need.  Be and instrument for God to enhance the melody in your own life or the life of somene else.  Please share this blog.  It is sincere, honest, and it is without shame.  I pray that God blesses each of you and from the bottom of my heart I appreciate your love and continued support.

 

Love to you all.

Paradise Perspective Part II

Paradise Perspective Part II

Strolling along the streets of Key West, Florida you can encounter many things you have never seen before.  I will leave most of that to the imagination, but between the chocolate covered key lime pie on a stick, the tiny electric cars, and historic architecture there is more than meets the eye to this place locals call The Conch Republic and Paradise.  One of the most famous visitors and champions of this cultural island was the magnificent Ernest Hemingway.

It's unlikely one would have gotten through grammar school without hearing about Hemingway.  In later years of high school literature courses and abundantly in college English and creative writing courses, his work dominates curriculum.  Hemingway can be described by many adjectives, but genius is the best description as it pertained to his career.  Not only did he enjoy immense success, he managed his money well and left behind a terrific legacy.

Standing on the wrap around veranda on the second floor of his estate, I couldn't help feeling nervous tension as the tour guide spoke of Hemingway's life long battle with manic depression and Bipolar Disorder.  Of course back then, they just called him crazy.  There are many characteristics I recognized in myself hearing the description of this iconic novelist.  The truth is, he was extremely intelligent to turn his worst demons into passionate works of written art so that generations to come would enjoy his talent. His untimely death at his own hand was a devastating end to a life that still influences so many.

I did however chuckle just a little as the charismatic young tour guide spoke so humorly about Hemingway and is womanizing.  This of course is not something I have ever had trouble with, other than maybe a short bout trying to keep up with buddies at JSU.  I wouldn't call that womanizing as much as "catting."

My biological father was extremely notorious for womanizing and my grandmother, Edith Tommie Gowens sat me down for a real good "talking to" upon my father's death when I was twenty-five.  She asked me to have more respect for others and I thought it was so generous and humble of her to admit the wrongs her son had committed and do her part to prevent me from doing the same thing that left me lonely and aching for my missing father as a young boy.  I have never stopped heeding her words in any relationship, whether friendly or romantic.

So, while Hemingway and I would have never been party buddies, I am in awe of his creativity, craft discipline and motivation.  It's a great life lesson that when you have a talent blessed by God and a dream planted so deep in your heart, you are doing a disservice to yourself, others and most of all to God when you don't use it.  All talents need a little fine tuning and I am certainly working on that.  I am no literary or grammatical artist, but the passion to create a message that might inpsire others to overcome obstacles is deep within my soul.  When God is praised in that endeavor it is bound to generate immeasurable success.

The principles we establish for ourselves and the guidelines in which we pursue success are generally more stringent than what our mates, friends, family and acquaintenances might project on our own lives, but for me, I have a new perspective of patience and tolerance when it comes to accomplishing success.  Success can happen in the smallest and most unepected places.  It doesn't have to appear on a best seller list, on the book club of someone famous, or in the history books of literature.  Success can be changing one life....and it might actually be my own.....

The final part in this perspective series will be posted in a couple of days, it is based on scriptural research on how God can help us keep a positive perspective when we face the "real world" and all those obstacles to prevent us from chasing our dreams.  Stay tuned.

Love to you all.

Paradise Perspective Part I

There is something about sitting in a tropical paradise that makes you appreciate the little moments in life.  Our lives are so full of stress and conflict brought on by our own desire to overachieve.  A wise person once said, "the more you make, the more your spend.  The more you have, the more you want."  At this moment I am sitting at a small wicker table by a crystal blue pool with some of my best friends sitting around me.  A beautiful palm tree is standing behind me and reflecting on my iPad screen.  This is definitely one of those moments where I have all I need.

How does this transfer back to daily life.  What happens when the vacation has ended and we return to "the real world?"  If there is one things I have learned on this exotic retreat, it's the real world is what you make of it.  We plan a "big" vacation every year and this year it was to the Florida Keys.  We started saving our pennies at the first of 2012 and gradually booked the trip.  It's been long awaited and anticipated.  As you venture out on these islands, witness the majestic landscape and absorb the breathtaking sunset over the ocean, there is no doubt this is a gift from God.
I have been troubled lately watching all the political pundits and anti-religious media slandering and trying to erase God from the upcoming Presidential election.  I am not perfect by any means.  I sin every day by making many mistakes.  I indulge in a cocktail or two when I feel like it, and I dance in public if the beat hits me just right.  This completely goes against the fire and brimstone teaching I was accustomed to as a youngster in the Church, but there is a happy medium between radical right and radical left, I am pretty sure the Bible referes to it as moderation.  I just don't understand why more people can't love without judgment and praise without panic.  The same God created us all and will judge each of us.

I have found a great deal of peace and serenity in this place.  Yesterday we went kayaking around one of the outer islands and saw creatures I never dreamed existed.  We walked along beaches and saw beautiful sailboats.  We observed schools of dolphins swimming in sync.  I told my friend Sherry Morgan the day before I left on this trip that I knew I would feel Bertie Mae's(my late grandmother) spirit at the beach and I surely have.  It reminds me of her telling me the beach was her vision of Heaven.  I know she is strolling along the beaches of Heaven waiting for me.
Life is full of burdens, these come naturally and are manifested based on how we respond to their circumstances.  A long term illness, a stressful dead end job, a broken family or relationship, etc., can impare our ability to pursue happiness.  Some of the perspective that I have gained is that God gives us so many opportunities to find happiniess and create joy.  We don't deserve for things to be handed to us.  We don't even deserve the promise of forgiveness and salvation, but He gave it to us out of love.  The very least we can do is look at life as a new opportunity each day and grab hold of these little moments.

Later today I am going to tour Hemingway's house.  He visited and eventually moved to Key West for inspiration for much of his literature.  I am going to soak up this sun, enjoy the great friends God blessed me with and stay on this path to happiness and prosperity.  What are you going to do today?

Love to you all.....

RESCUED: How God Can Mend A Broken Heart

Is it possible to die of a broken heart?  Some may think the relationship between physical demise and a broken heart is only literary fiction from one of Shakespeare’s plays.  Research actually demonstrates there can be a relationship between emotional problems and Cardiomyopathy.  Harvard medical researchers were recently quoted in the Chicago Tribune stating that massive release of stress hormones can cause drastic changes in the hearts blood vessels, temporarily reducing heart function.  The Japanese have also elaborated on this study calling it "Takotsubo's cardiomyopathy," referring to the observation that the heart assumes the shape of a Japanese lobster trap, which is called a "tako tsubo." The patients develop chest pain and shortness of breath. The good news for these patients is that the condition is usually reversible with proper medical care.  It’s good to know this information is available and is taken seriously by the medical field.

Most people who have enjoyed the emotion of true love, whether it is with a family member, romantic partner, or close friend, have been subjected to grief.  The loss of a loved one, either to death or separation is an undisputed cause of the “broken heart.”  People have been suffering a broken heart for ages.  In fact, the Bible well documents the sorrow and pain associated with losing someone.  The prophets even foretold the grief that Jesus would know at the hand of His own people.  Isaiah 53:3 says, “He is despised and rejected by men.  A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.  And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him, He was despised and we did not esteem Him.”

In the New Testament, Matthew 22 quotes Jesus telling that Peter will deny Him three times.  This caused great sorrow and woe to the Savior.  Heartache and emotional pain is an emotion that is unavoidable when you truly love someone.  Death is inevitable and most all of us have experienced that loss, some greater than others.

I learned about death at an early age.  My parents and grandparents didn’t hide things from me or try and protect me from this part of life.  My mother always had a fear of losing the people she loved and that sentiment was certainly passed on to me.  I can’t blame her for living in this fear.  At a young age she lost her father and brother within three months of each other.  It was a devastating time for her family.  Fortunately, my grandmother, Bertie Mae had an incredible resolve about life and death.  She had a wonderful appreciation for God’s comfort.  She taught me that God cares about His children and will always take care of their pain.  Psalm 34:18 tells us “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart…”  He is very aware of how much it hurts.

If we find ourselves in one of these conditions where the stress of grief is not subsiding, how do we seek help from the Father?  Prayer is the best answer for any situation we are facing in life.  The comfort God gives exceeds any relief we might find in another outlet.  God’s comfort surpasses even our own understanding. 

We give each other advice when someone dies.  It is natural to say something like, “time will heal your wounds,” and “it will get easier in time.”  Both of these statements are true and God grants that time and He heals our mind, heart and soul.  The brain is as powerful an organ as the heart.  The two go hand in hand when it comes to emotions.  What we think in our head can definitely make our chest hurt.

Over the last ten years I have come to understand so much more about my struggle with Bipolar Disorder and depression.  It has certainly been a lifelong battle, but several of my manic episodes were triggered by the loss of a loved one.  The most devastated I have been is when Bertie Mae passed away in 2003.  Even though we had a wonderful relationship full of memories and well communicated love, losing her was more than I could stand.  Over the course of several years I endured a lot of therapy, medication, and trial and error to recover.  It was finally God’s hand that put me on the road to recovery.  This is how I know without a shadow of a doubt that God can mend a broken heart.

My Heavenly Father worked through His children to save my life.  He used experiences that my friends had endured to put me on the path to recovery.  My good friend Jean Chappell had been battling depression for over ten years when she recognized my signs and reached out.  If it had not been for her, I would have followed through with suicide plans and I would not have recognized there was a real illness beneath the surface of my emotions.  God positioned my circumstances to evolve in just the right way so that I would accept help. 

I have heard so many people use the excuse that going to Church can’t get you to Heaven.  This may be true for some, but for me it has been the exact edification that I needed to face each obstacle.  Wayne Dunaway, my minister at the Ohatchee Church of Christ, is one of the best spiritual leaders I have ever encountered.  He opened his heart and mind right away to my plight and encouraged me to use the talents that God has given me to improve not only my life, but the life of others.  In the spring of 2007, I spoke for the first time publicly about my diagnosis.  I had experienced symptoms from childhood, but was not diagnosed until my late twenties.  When I stood in front of the congregation and told my story, I was taking as much as 1600mg of Lithium per day to control my mood swings.  In addition to this drug, there were other antidepressants prescribed by various doctors.  As a result, I walked around like a zombie. 

I do support medication as treatment for depression and related mental illness, it is absolutely necessary for some, and trial and error is important.  For me, it only masked the broken heart.  It only covered up symptoms and created additional side effects.  I needed something more long term and more impactful on my brain and my heart.  God was the healer I needed.  Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”  This is the healing I needed and so desperately wanted.

Since that first testimony over five years ago, I have developed a blog, worked with a support group, toured other congregations across the southeast, and become a published writer.  God has done more than just heal my heart.  He is using me to be the difference for others.  My brothers and sisters at the Ohatchee church of Christ continue to play a part in my recovery.  My treatment as prescribed by the Father is constant edification and fellowship.  It’s more than just helpful, it’s reassuring and pleasurable.  Friendships are designed to bring joy and love into our lives.  Even though I have since lost my father and then my brother to a tragic accident, I have learned to cope in a different way with this continual blessing of comfort. 

If you are reading this entry and you don’t have this foundation of support in your life, you are the person who needs to make that change.  Perhaps you are reading this for a reason.  You may have to initiate the change that occurs in your own life.  Allow God to work through others and mend your broken heart.  Keep in mind that sometimes God does work through the medical field.  Treatment is different for each person.

Having lived so many years of uncertainty, suffocated by the depression, I had to learn to rebuild my own confidence.  I had to realize that I deserve to be happy and fulfilled.  It does take time to heal and like any negative circumstance you find yourself looking back and reveling in the fact that you endured.  Hebrews 10: 35-36 says it best, “Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward.  For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the Will of God, you may receive the promise.”

The song, “What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted,” lyrics by Jimmy Ruffin, tells the story of “love departed.”  Fortunately the last verse of the song gives a little optimism with the line, “I’ll be looking every day, I know I’ve got to find some way…”  The best place to look is up.  Look up to the Father for the comfort that only He can provide.

Love to all.

The Door Is Wide Open

Have you ever thought about how much easier it is to verbally support someone as opposed to “hating on them?”  I have to chuckle a little bit as I use the previous phrase.  I never thought I would actually get to the age where the casual repartee of young people would make me cringe.  I remember being a young boy and coming home telling my mother everything was “cool” or “awesome.”  She hated those words as much as her parents probably hated the word of her generation, “groovy.”  Still, the meaning is obvious, hating on someone means judging and being jealous and it takes a lot of useless energy.  I am fortunate to be at a point where I am seeing the realization of my dreams and I want to share a little gratitude for those who have lifted me up.

God is such a loving and merciful Creator.  I don’t believe for one moment that He placed anyone on this earth to fail.  He truly wants joy and success for each of His children.  We don’t always stay on the path designed for us and when we refuse to recognize we are headed down the wrong street, we may never achieve our destiny.  For me, standing up and saying out loud, “God, I have not been a good steward of your blessings,” has been the first step in his redirection of my path. 

When I hit rock bottom back in 2004 and actually plotted my suicide, I was headed rapidly down a wrong one way street.  Fortunately, many people who loved me recognized the signs and were praying even when I was not strong enough to do so.  God answered the prayers.  The night before my plan was to be carried out my late grandmother visited me in a dream.  We sat in my living room and talked about my struggles.  I remember hugging her so tightly in my dream it felt so real.  The next morning I woke up on my sofa, clutching a pillow and my front door was standing wide open.  I loaded up my bike and was planning to head to Cheaha that day to “do the deed.”  My good friend Jean called me on the phone and demanded that I come to her house to talk about my emotional problems.  She said to me, “C. E. and I are sitting here and the front door is wide open.”  God got my attention.

I have made a lot of progress in the last eight years or so.  My very close friends have been God’s resources in rehabilitating my mental state.  My family at the Ohatchee Church of Christ has been the best therapy.  Say whatever you like about the necessity of a regular church home, but for me, it’s mandatory.  I need that edification.  I need a minister like Wayne Dunaway; loving families like James and Jolaine Bowers, Mo and Kay Wildman, Wayne and Zip Lambert, Ricky and Kim Dunaway, John and Jan Dyer and so many others who embrace and show me love and concern.  A church is the “called out people.”  It’s not about a tabernacle or a majestic sanctuary; however the people need to be spectacular in a sense that they love with a tender heart and an open mind.  A Christian will never convert a non-believer with judgment and hypocritical mudslinging.  The only way to help someone else is to accept the overused cliché, “walk a mile in their shoes”, knowing that you never can! 

The majority of what holds a person back from achieving their destiny is impatience and misplaced faith.  How many times do you put your faith in what other men or women think about you?  One of my best friends, Kim McFall is always telling me to just be me.  “Other people’s opinion doesn’t matter, Rob…” she says, “you work on pleasing you and God.”  This is the kind of advice we ought to give the people we love.  Faith is about believing in the unseen.  We see man…and all his flaws.  Faith needs to be in what we don’t see, which is God’s promise.  The evidence of his power is all around us.  Wonder is what the magic of faith is all about.  Learn to wonder what great things He has in store for you. 

Finally, impatience is the other barrier.  We get tired of waiting and so we try and create our own destiny.  I have been very open about my struggles with patience and with taking matters into my own hands.  I jokingly told a colleague the other day that I will never pray for patience because that means I will have to learn to wait longer.  My good buddy, Austin Brown, a very bright young man, wrote me an email tonight congratulating me on an exciting new opportunity with my writing.  He was commenting on the power of prayer and pointed out that he guessed the patience that I claim not to have has paid off.  He is so right.  All this time I have been praying and pressing along, God was preparing the next stretch of highway.  That’s the thing about prayer and patience; before you know it, you have reached your destiny.

Love to you all….

The Yellow Table

One of the root causes of depression is grief.  When someone we love that is really close to us passes away, it’s very difficult to deal with their absence and it can cause the chemical imbalance which results in depression.  I have heard many religious people say that if you are a Christian, you should have no worries because you will see your loved one again.  It is certainly true that we will see them again, but it doesn’t stop the heart from hurting and missing someone.  A colleague’s wife read a recent article I wrote on depression and she sent me a beautiful letter encouraging me.  She too is a member of the Church of Christ, so we have similar beliefs on a wide range of topics.  In regards to the death of a loved one, she wrote, “I like to think of a loved one’s passing as this, they took a different car to the family reunion, so they got there before me.  I don’t know when my car will arrive, but I know they will already be at the feast waiting.”  I thought it was so poignant and special.  It inspired me to write about family reunions and the “feast” with loved ones.

I have written many things in the past about my granny, Bertie Mae Cochran.  I was blessed to have two other grandmothers as well who equally influenced my life.  The best cook in the land was my Dad’s mother, Ruth Mae Goodwin.  I will refer to her as Maw Maw, as she was affectionately known by our family.  Maw Maw lived in a quaint little cottage in the Boiling Springs community of Ohatchee.  She was a short and somewhat stocky woman with a huge personality.  Huge!  Maw Maw was a long time member of the Ohatchee Church of Christ where I now attend.  In fact, she and my grandfather, Floyd Wesley Goodwin were founding members.

My Paw Paw died when I was only six years old, but I had my beautiful Maw Maw until I was thirty.  She is partially responsible for my pudgy physique through high school and my early twenties.  You never visited her without eating.  She and my mother may have had ups and downs along the way, but they agreed on something very special in our family…Sunday dinner! 

After church on Sunday we would gather at the little house with the big yard and have the most wonderful meals.  Certain things linger in my mind about Maw Maw’s house.  She had this seventies yellow top table that I loved.  I wish I could find one now, because in my mind, it was the perfect table for southern cuisine.  We would gather around and have the best peas, okra, potatoes, tomatoes, pork chops, etc.  In addition to a meat and about seven vegetables at every meal, Maw Maw made the best homemade biscuits.  She would take her time cooking them.  I used to love watching her knead the dough and roll them out.  We would talk up a storm while she worked.  The final trimming on the dinner that I loved the most was her lemon pound cake drizzled with lemon icing.  She always knew it was my favorite.  She made one for my 21^st birthday and I ate the entire thing all by myself.

I am not a Goodwin by birth.  My biological family is Gowens, however, when my mother married into the Goodwin family shortly after I turned three years old, they took ownership of me.  Maw Maw never treated me any differently than her other grandchildren.  In fact, I sometimes think she worked much harder to make sure I knew how much she loved me.  During the summer when we were out of school she would come and stay for a whole week at our house.  She was best friends with Bertie Mae, so you can imagine what kind of spiritual influence I had with two Church of Christ grandmothers raising me.  Maw Maw had this wonderful laugh that I can still hear to this day.  Every time she would come and stay at our house, I would put a record on the player of one of Minnie Pearl’s stand up routines and just sit and watch Maw Maw shake with laughter.  We created so many wonderful memories that I can reach in the back of my mind today and rely on when things get hard.

Like most people, I have made many mistakes in my life, but I know Maw Maw was one of my biggest fans.  Every time I stand in the pulpit at the Ohatchee Church of Christ, I know that she is smiling down from Heaven saying to the others…”that’s Ray’s boy, my grandson!”

When our hearts become heavy and we long to be with those who were called up to be with the Father before us, it’s important to dwell on the happy times rather than the sadness.  Sometimes it’s a daily struggle for me, but it’s good to know that I can close my eyes and still see, smell, and hear my beautiful grandmothers.  What a great feast it will be around the table in Heaven.  I can’t wait to visit Maw Maw there and sit around her yellow table and rejoice for eternity.  Never forget how great and wonderful God is and because of the sacrifice Jesus made, we will be reunited in Glory.

Love to you all…

Gaining Perspective

Regardless of your situation in life, it is easy to become complacent and sedentary in your pursuits. Every person wants to succeed at something and every person defines success differently. I recently read a book about pursuing your dreams by one of my favorite authors, John Maxwell. He has had an extensive career in motivational speaking, writing, and ministering God's Word. Maxwell wisely advises his readers to escape to a peaceful place with a blank notebook, writing pad, or something to take notes with and pen their goals. It's never too late to get yourself back on track in life. God is merciful and forgiving. We should learn to treat ourselves with similar grace. When escaping to your quiet and peaceful place, write down your goals and what actions you need to take to accomplish those goals. There is no certain format that must be taken, only what works best for you. We live in a very stressful world. Our parents and grandparents had struggles of their own, but to us, nothing compares to our own generation and the same will apply to the next. Their obstacles will seem greater to them than ours to us. Today, you may find yourself wondering why you haven't accomplished a dream that has lingered in the back of your mind all your life. You may be thinking, "if I had only done this sooner, or if I had not made that mistake...." As hard as it is to accept and move on, the past is the past and it can either remain there, or it can dominate our futures. We are the only ones who can determine how we allow our past mistakes to influence our future.The future can be a blank canvas and we have the power to be our own artist. God provides the paint and the brush; the resources if you will. Deep in our hearts is where the vision lies. When I deliver a sermon to a congregation it is always based on a subject that I personally need to hear. I actually may be the person in the room listening the most. Early on, I heard a minister say that when he is pointing a finger at someone else, there is always four pointing back at him. I am writing this particular post because it is exactly what I need to "hear." I have been in an incredible low mood the past couple of weeks as part of my battle with bipolar disorder and manic depression. Stress at work and a feeling of failure has magnified my pain. I made some snap decisions this week that were evidence that I had reached a breaking point. I had to do something. I had to escape, regroup, and turn a page to a new blank canvas. My closest friends and I are spending a few days in Fairhope, AL. This beautiful southern town on Mobile Bay is a gentle and calming environment for rest and relaxation. It's a lovely place to clear your mind and strenghten your soul. I was here a few months ago and had left one of my journals in the condo. When I found it on the coffee table in our living room last night I flippped through the pages and read words of prayer from several months back. It was a reminder of a few constant struggles and that I am the only person who can take the appropriate measures to bring about necessary change. Today, I will start with a clean slate and redefine my goals and the path I need to pursue. I will create a realistic action plan that challenges my opportunities and builds on my strengths. You don't have to take a five hour drive to find a peaceful refuge. Simply walking to the park, or visiting a favorite quiet place can inspire the environment you need to gain a new perspective on your life. The most important point is not to settle for mediocrity and disappointment in your life. You are the artist....you have the vision. Pray for it to come to you. Love to all.

The Prettiest Girl

Someone told me once that it only takes one person to believe in you and others will begin to follow and before you know it you will have all the encouragement you need to chase your dreams.  I have certainly found this to be true in my life and it’s quite appropriate to celebrate the blessings God gives us.  This blog post is dedicated to the person who has pushed me to pursue my dreams and talents more than anyone else I have ever known, Sherry Johnson Morgan.

In my past postings, I have mentioned that I wanted to be a writer of some kind for as long as I can remember.  In the first grade, our teacher, Mrs. Green was the apple of my eye.  She looked like Snow White.  She had this beautiful flowing dark hair and the most beautiful eyes and smile.  She always had beautifully painted red lips matching her shiny finger nails and her heart was about as warm as anyone I had known.  I fell in love with her on the first day of school.  Of course, even back then, I was a realist.  I knew she was out of my league, by maybe twenty or thirty years!  As a young six year old Republican, I decided to set my sights on someone a little more attainable.  There were a few beautiful girls in our first grade class at Roy Webb, but it was a small community and I was related to most of them!  Stacye Bramlett, Autumn Champion and Tammy Townsend were a few that I had crushes on, but the girl in the class who stole all the boy’s hearts was Sherry Johnson.  She was by far the most popular.  I was particularly swept off my feet when Mrs. Green chose Sherry and I as the leading characters in the first grade play.  It was a Valentine Day play and was part of the PTA assembly.  I was the Prince and she became the Princess.  Well, in real life, romantic love never evolved for Sherry and I, but we developed a bond that remains strong to this day and I couldn’t be more blessed to have such a wonderful friend.

Later in our grammar school career, our sixth grade teacher and Principal, Mr. Holloway developed a weekly assignment requiring each of us to use our spelling words in a short story.  My classmates wrote funny stories about their families, vacations, hobbies, etc.  At the age of eleven, I was pretty creative.  I had been writing short stores and other material since I learned out compose a sentence at four years old.  Instead of just a short story, I wrote a script for a soap opera.  It took some convincing, but Mr. Holloway actually allowed me to cast my friends in this soap opera and we acted it out in the auditorium on stage.  My friend, Sherry was convinced back then that I was destined for success.

Later in high school, I would continue to write an ongoing fictional series, and she was my biggest fan.  Every week I wrote a different script, and for four years, she read it every single week.  At the end of the school year, there would be a cliffhanger and she would have to wait throughout the summer to see what was going to happen at the beginning of the new season, which was also the beginning of the new school year.  I had my first fan and my biggest supporter in Sherry Johnson.

Sherry remained the sweetest girl at Roy Webb and at our high school, Pleasant Valley.  She was extremely diplomatic and non-judgmental.  She basically loves everyone and I never knew of a single enemy she had.  When a parent thinks about how they want their child to turn out, I just know it would be just like Sherry Johnson. Some of her attributes are intelligent, talented, forgiving, accepting, honest, trustworthy, and oh so loyal.   

Sherry is the younger of two daughters born to Jimmy and Connie Johnson of Piedmont, AL.  Sadly, her older sister, Melissa passed away at a very young age.  Sherry always kept the memory of her sister alive, even though she was born after Missy’s death and never got the chance to know her.  I can only imagine how proud that little angel in Heaven is looking down on her little sister.  If she could speak to Sherry, I am sure she would tell her how beautiful her crown was going to be, because I don’t know of many people who have probably earned as many stars as she has.

After graduation, we attempted to keep in touch as much as possible, but careers and lives take us in different directions.  Sherry pursued a career in the legal field and later married her high school sweetheart, Patrick and gave birth to the absolute love of her life, DJ.  He is the cutest rascal you have ever laid your eyes on and has this smile that matches Sherry’s; however, you can tell his is completely mischievous.  He loves his mother with all his heart.

Sherry and I lost our fathers the same year and we have truly been able to grow our relationship even stronger over the last several years because of the internet and Facebook.  I always say that FB is a blessing from God because it gives us the chance to reconnect with our childhood friends who were truly like gold to us.

Sherry and I have many things in common including the fact that we sometime struggle with our emotions and we battle depression.  She has no idea what kind of influence she has on my life because if it weren’t for her, I would not still be writing to this day.  I could literally sit down and copy a paragraph of names from the phone book and she would find something positive and encouraging to say about it because she believes in me that much.  That is true friendship and it is the kind of gift that God bestows upon us to lift our hearts when they are heavy and to light our paths when they seem a little shaded.

Sherry supports my blog, reads my short stories, scripts, chapters from my books, and gives me the most honest opinions and compliments I could ever ask for.  Just last week when I received my first copy of my published article in Healthy Horizons Health and Wellness Magazine, I took a copy to her, signed at her request.  I couldn’t stay in her office long, because it was hard to keep my composure.  My forty year dream had finally reached a very pleasing reality and I had her to thank.  It was quite emotional.  There have been many times I wanted to give up hope, but Sherry has never allowed me to. 

My friend, Sherry Johnson Morgan is turning forty next month and I was going to wait until her birthday, on August 25 to post this blog entry, but she is going through some things this week and I felt like now was the best time to celebrate her.  My struggles with depression have been so difficult, but I know God strengthens me through the people that are in my life.  Sherry is one of those people.  She will forever be my friend.  We never judge each other, we only listen, advise, and encourage.  I am so lucky to have her in my circle and so honored to be a part of hers.

When you find yourself suffering and feeling like hope is fading, think about all the things God has done for you and the people he places in your path to lift your spirit, light your way, and hold your hand.  Please think about this and search your heart and soul, I know all of you have your very own Sherry Johnson Morgan…..

Love to you all.

Friendship Is A Gift From God

Friendship Is A Gift From God, published by Healthy Horizons Health and Wellness Magazine, 2012

Friendship is a gift from God.  In fact, love for your fellow man is arguably the best quality any person can possess.  I truly believe the relationships we form in this life are intended to teach us the true meaning of eternal love.  The Father wants us to long to be with Him and enjoy everlasting life, but He knows we are human and there is only so much faith in the unseen.  We can’t see Him, but we can see our loved ones in the flesh.  When someone we love dies, we always say that we long to be with them in Heaven.  I firmly believe we will be reunited in glory and we will know each other.  The love we share on this earth will be magnified in paradise.  Relationships are practice for eternity.  Whether it’s a romantic relationship, or simply a friendly relationship, the journey we take with another person can change our lives.  I am thankful for those who have shaped my life.  I dedicate this entry to all of my friends.

Today I had the opportunity to work with ten beautiful friends who suffer from depression or have a loved one who does.  It’s a new program at our church called “Emotional wellness.”  Before anyone arrived at the building this morning, I sat in the dim light and said a prayer on behalf of the congregation and the work we are doing at the Ohatchee Church of Christ.  I prayed that the Lord would bless each one of us and empower us to be open with one another.  He delivered!

We spent about two hours talking about personal struggles with the loss of loved ones, physical illnesses, childhood problems, divorce, and several other causes of depression , bipolar disorder, and other mental illnesses.  The goal was to create an environment where no judgment exists and each person can share their pain and seek encouragement and healing.  I was moved by the comments from my brothers and sisters.  We were in complete agreement that no more would we be ashamed of our plight.

There are three commitments I believe we have to make in order to conquer emotional issues.  The first is to pray about it.  Take everything to God in prayer.  I used to make excuses and say that I just hurt too much to pray.  I also felt that I was not worthy of God’s help because my faith seemed to be slipping.  What I had to realize is that God wants me to turn to Him in my hour of need.  As a Christian, I finally conformed.  There is nothing in life I can accomplish or even want to accomplish that I don’t take to him first.  I am one of those guys who tries to track everything I do, so I write it down.  I have a daily prayer journal and I write down my feelings, desires, needs, etc.  God is the first person I go to before my best friend, family, etc.

The second commitment is talk about it.  I will never make the mistake again of bottling it up inside.  It almost cost me my life several years ago.  Hiding from your problems will only make them worse.  True friends are there to listen even if they can’t do anything to help you.  Once I have told my thoughts to God, I can tell them to anyone.  I am no longer ashamed to say that I can’t always control my emotions.  I refuse to allow society to dictate how I live my life.  I encourage anyone who suffers from depression or related illnesses to confide in your friends and family.  It assigns accountability to yourself for your own actions.  It can keep you alive.  In addition to talking, you will find yourself actually listening.  In the emotional wellness workshop we each were able to gain insight on handling certain situations and realize that we were not alone.

The final commitment is be about it, which means do something!  Don’t be idle.  Be about it.  Get out and make something happen.  Go to the doctor.  Get some exercise.  Read about your condition online and find out what your options are.  Most people find medication to be helpful.  The most important thing to remember about taking medication for depression or other mental illnesses is that we are all different.  What works for someone else’s chemical imbalance may not work the same for yours.  Also, there is a need for trial and error.  Our bodies are always changing and if one medication does not work, it’s very possible that another one will.  You have to take control just as if it were any other physical illness.  You must manage it exactly the same.  Please do not be sedentary when dealing with mental illness.  Mental illness is no respecter of persons.  It can affect anyone, regardless of age, race, gender, etc. 

Philippians 2:2 says, “Agree with each other.  Love each other.  Be deep spiritual friends.”  God instructs us to reach out to one another in an effort to prepare us for eternal love and eternal life.  We need to make every effort to be great friends with one another.  Small thoughtful acts of kindness are more important than grand gestures.  Friendship is built on equality and caring for one another.  I encourage everyone to cultivate circles of friends to walk with you along this journey of life.  It’s been a good day!

What Will You Do With Your Influence?

Back in the 1970’s and 1980’s the cotton mills were flourishing throughout northeast Alabama.  In Calhoun County at least four or five mills ran seven days a week and three shifts.  A young boy’s parents worked second and third shift at a couple of the mills.  The adults rarely saw each other because their work schedules just had them pass briefly in the night.  It seemed as if the couple could never quite seem to get ahead.  It took everything Earned just to make ends meet.  That’s a normal kind of stress that many families went through then and still do now.  It can take a toll on a marriage, a relationship, and a family.

When the weekends or holidays rolled around and the couple was home at the same time, it seemed to be nothing but trouble.  The small single wide mobile home didn’t yield any space for a “man cave” for the man of the house or a “sewing parlor” for the lady.  Both adults were tired and stressed all the time and had very short fuses.  Every day they were together for more than a few hours it seemed that a fight would occur.

The fights were not like normal bickering, they were brutal.  Being raised with several brothers on a cotton farm, the mother was tough as nails and stood her ground a little too much.  She often threw the first punch.  There were many punches thrown.  Frying pans caused large knots on the tops of heads. Black eyes from a chair leg and knife wounds from threatening to stab one another were common.  As the children stood by screaming and begging for their parents to stop, their cries would go unheard, drowned out by the yelling and screaming.  The little boy, even at the young age of seven was charged with trying to break up the fight while the younger sister ran next door to fetch the grandmother.  When Granny would burst through the kitchen screen door with a broom in her hand and separate the two adults who lost control of their emotions and common sense, a small sense of normalcy would begin to return for a while. 

The little girl would dry her eyes and run off to play, but it had a lasting effect on the little boy.  A dark closet at the end of a large room built on the front of the mobile home became a hiding place.  Climbing over boxes of clothes, toys, and stored Christmas decorations, he would find solace in this quiet place.  Life’s stress may have caused the parents to hurt each other physically and emotionally, but the young boy bore the burden that would stay with him for the rest of his life.  Worries and heavy emotions caused serious gastrointestinal problems including ruptured appendix, inflamed gallbladder and eventually Crohn’s disease. 

God is a powerful and forgiving Creator.  Eventually the couple was blessed with a grandchild and it changed their ways.  They mended their relationship, repented of their sins and obeyed the Gospel.  The kids grew up and found their own way and their own worries.  The little girl ran away at eighteen, married and divorced quickly and feels great resentment.  The little boy still has a hard time facing the world some days and can only find comfort in the darkness of the very back corner of a small closet.

When we as adults take on the role of parents, guardians, teachers, preachers, role models, etc., we have to accept the responsibility that comes with influencing the lives of others.  Influence is the greatest assignment anyone could ever be given.  Whatever role you are given that charges you with the opportunity to make an impact on the life of someone else, remember this story.  Concentrate on how bright you could make the path of the young person watching you by your behavior.  If you are so blessed as to have children, realize their future may very well depend on your present.  What will you do with your influence?

Much Love To You All……