This week I have been inspired to put more effort into my advocacy of those who suffer from depression and other mental illnesses. The holidays were very rough for me. Coupled with a terrible case of the flu, I seemed to have had my worst depression cycle at Christmas time ever. Now that I am making progress coming out on the other side of the cycle, I am reminded that God is in control and He uses others to help me get back on track.
I am working on a new five part series that details just about everything I know regarding depression. I am no professional. However, I am a life long fighter and survivor of manic depression and bipolar disorder. Does that make me an expert? Of course not, but it does mean I have a fair understanding of what I go through and maybe it will help someone that you love. It is also some of the most spiritually based writing I have ever done. It has become so much clearer to me the importance of turning over this battle to The Lord.
A little over a year ago I wrote an article called "How Can I Help?" This article was really for family members, friends or loved ones of those who suffer from mental illness. For as many millions of those who suffer from this disease directly, there are many more who are affected. I commend those of you who find the strength to hold on and stand by your loved one. You take the roller coaster ride along with us.
When I think about the handful of people that I love the very most, you know, big as the sky, I can't help but wonder how they have stayed in my corner. I can't help but wonder how they forgive me the way God does over and over. They have their own setbacks and turmoil in life. They have suffered their own share of tragedy and triumph. I can see the difference and recognize they have an ability to bounce back or shield themselves from daily attacks from the devil. They seem to have a certain quality or ability that I don't have. No matter how hard I try, when I begin to spiral, I lose control and I sink deeper and deeper. They stand by and reach out their hands knowing all along they can't keep me from sinking. When I am finally able to stand, they are there to dust me off.
Mental illness takes a major toll on relationships. There are bold statistics from the AMA and WebMD that would blow your mind about broken marriages, estranged siblings, etc. Mental illness is evil and targets people of both genders and all races, orientations, heritages, etc. It is not normal to be depressed for more than a two week period or to have multiple depression episodes per month, year and so on. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. It causes serious physical problems as well. As most know, it is the leading cause of suicide.
Understanding all of this information is one thing, but having the ability to stand by your loved one when they direct their mood swings at you is another. It's difficult to be on the receiving end of fury, accusations, sarcasm, distrust, and other emotions. I know this because I see the effect on the faces of those I love. There are many mentally ill people who resort to violence. Fortunately I have never had the urge to hurt someone else the way I have wanted to hurt myself. I think those who are in the line of a dangerous physical altercation or violence should remove themselves from the situation and allow only medical or trained professionals to interact with the patient. This is of course only my opinion.
We are very self-destructive individuals when we are in a bad or depressed cycle. I am aware of how bad I get at times, but it is also as if I am outside myself watching just like my loved ones. There were days in the last month that I lay motionless for hours. It can be paralyzing. We say awful things aloud, or we shut ourselves off from those trying to help and we make everything about us. It is a disease with many narcissistic tendencies. I can always see and understand this so much after a cycle has passed. My loved ones will tell me to snap out of it, to get up and move forward and look at the positive things in life, but until my brain can grab hold of the truth my body will believe the lie of depression.
The greatest thing that people can do for me is to show love and encouragement and give me the opportunity to make it right when I cause damage. I think God knew exactly what He was saying when He asked us to forgive again and again. It is because all would be lost without forgiveness.
Growing up I used to go on tyrades about being an attorney, doctor, preacher, newscaster, writer, etc. My "high" manic episodes are always filled with grandiose plans and excitement while the "low" ones are all about paralysis. In my heart, I do beleive that I have been through all of things I have in order to better understand and communicate as an advocate. I heal so much when I find a way to put my thoughts into words and help others who also suffer. If I didn't feel so much pain, I might not have compassion for the horrible effects of this disease on so many. I do beleive emotional pain and anguish is much worse than any physical ailment I have suffered. It is the most humbling lesson I have ever learned.
To those family members and loved ones who are doing all they can to stand firm for their loved ones I say thank you and maybe God is working to build you stronger. Recovery and better quality of life is within reach even if a depressed person is sinking. It's in those hands that are extended to help us up by our loved ones. Please keep standing firm.
Stay tuned for the five part series, Emotional Victory: Putting The Soul In Control
Love to you all....
