I want to preface this blog entry with a reminder that I am
not a licensed counselor or mental health professional…..I’m a daily survivor of Bipolar/Manic Depression. My thoughts are based on personal experiences
and observations. I consider myself to be
a student of mental health and an advocate.
I study and write about
depression in order to enhance my own quality of life by trying to understand
my disease. Therefore, I hope some of
the information in this blog will help you if you are dealing with a form of depression
or an emotional setback this season.
Why am I so happy right
now? If you know me on a personal or professional
level at all, you know that I am up and down emotion/mood-wise. I can be happy and sad in the same day and
often I have one of those anger flaws where I can “go zero to sixty” very
fast. However, for a while now, I have
been mostly happy and stable. There are
several factors that have contributed to my general state of contentment and
I’ll get into some of those later, but I can tell you that it is a little odd
for a person like me who battles depression intensely to find joy this time of
year. Nevertheless, I have and I will
give you my insights as to how you can maybe put your grief, missing loved
ones, general disdain for the holidays aside and find some cheer.
Grief Keeps People From
Loving Christmas
Most people would agree that depression during Christmas is
generally related to the loss of loved ones, missing their presence when family
gathers, or becoming melancholy while reminiscing about previous years with
deceased loved ones. I have and
continually experience this as well. I
think it is probably harder when you have a loved one that you lost during the
holiday season. There is no possible way
to put these thoughts or despair out of your mind, but depression keeps us from
thinking clearly and putting life and death into perspective. This is why it is important to be proactive
going into the holidays. For lack of a
letter illustration, we have to “psych ourselves up” for what’s ahead. Sit down at the beginning of the season and
write a letter to or about your loved one.
Tell them how you miss them, what you remember most about the holidays
you spent together, and how you plan to celebrate this year.
It may sound silly, but we have to stay in charge of our
minds. If we are proactive and target
our stimulators before they can target us, we will be more successful. Sometimes I find myself just lamenting a mood
swing. It’s like a voice in my head
saying “next week I am going to get depressed because it’s the anniversary of
my Dad’s death, etc.” I do things like this all the time. I will worry myself sick leading up to that
day. When I can think straight, I have
learned to deal with it the first time
it pops in my mind. Oh yeah, I have that
date coming up….so I will sit down and write in my journal about it. I’ll talk to God and even talk to my Dad or
whomever I am thinking of, just to get in front of those emotions instead of
underneath them. It doesn’t always work
100% of the time, but it has helped me to stabilize for sure. Proactive is my new keyword for 2015…..:0)
Nothing Says Stress
Like Christmas Shopping
Can I just tell you that I have spent money like crazy on
Christmas for most of my adult life? I
have been so wasteful that it is sad to think about the amount of money trying
to make others happy. We all do it. We have taken an innocent and sincere
tradition of exchanging gifts and developed it into the most narcissistic,
entitled, and rotten thing we do as humans.
The stress associated with Christmas shopping is enough to bring the
strongest to their knees. Think about it
folks, we spend 10 months out of the year on a budget, barely making ends meet
at times, trying to save for rainy days, squeezing in vacations to keep
ourselves sane, etc., then November/December rolls in and we start spending 2x
or 3x our normal monthly budgets. It can
give you an ulcer.
Children are the greatest gift in the world. I raised one and I spoiled him every year at
Christmas…every year! I was also spoiled
as a child at Christmas. My parents went
over and above each year. It made me
feel entitled and obligated as an adult, so for years I spent hundreds of dollars,
maybe even thousands beyond what I really could afford.
It sounds cliché’ when we reference the true meaning of
Christmas and how it should not be based on gifts, etc, but lets face it we are
human. There is no way to cut out gift
giving at Christmas, but there is a way to cut back. You have no idea how obsessed and worried I
used to be about buying gifts for people, and I finally had to let that
go. I don’t let anything go! If I can dial back my holiday spending and
learn to concentrate more on spiritual and emotional aspects of the holidays,
then I believe that anyone can.
If your family is having a hard time financially you probably
feel obligated to match or beat what you did in previous years for your
kids. It can ruin your entire experience
with Christmas. It makes you dislike
other people, rude to service workers, and you can develop a begrudging
attitude toward those you love. Is it really
easier for you to go through this than to sit down with your family and make
some adjustments? As hard as it is to
do, I think we all need to sit down with our kids and have a discussion about decreasing
the sense of entitlement we have taught the younger generation.
I have a friend who started a tradition with her kids a few
years ago and it has become the thing they look forward to the most rather than
gifts. Beginning December 1 and leading
up to Christmas, they sit down at the end of each day in front of the Christmas
tree and read a Christmas story/book together.
Dad, Mom, and the two kids all participate and they look forward to the
book, story each day. Mom spends time in
November (instead of Christmas shopping) downloading Christmas books or stories
online, inexpensive iBook or Amazon books, etc., mostly spending $1.99 to $3.99
per download. On the weekend, this
family then snuggles up together under a blanket and watches a Christmas movie
on Netflix.
Of course my friend and her husband still go to family
gatherings and buy presents for the kids, but they have been able to change the
attitudes of their kids to concentrate more on planning their family
readings/movie watching rather than obsessing over the latest technology, or
toys. They look forward to the special
time together.
Stress is one of those factors in life that truly can only be
changed by the individual. Don’t get mad
at me for saying this…but we are in charge of our own situation. I have had to learn to start making changes
and focus my energy on putting my feet to those changes instead of just
complaining. I am trying to do better
and by also taking my concerns, struggles to God in prayer, He is blessing me
with perspective.
Back To Why I am Happy
I need you all to understand that I give God the credit for
every ounce of my joy and happiness. He
has lifted me from the lowest of lows in life and worked through you, my
friends and loved ones to change my situation and outlook. My good friend and boss, JR is always saying
that he believes God brings us into each other’s lives right when we are needed
the most. I agree with this observation
completely and I am grateful to all of you who support, encourage, and champion
those around you.
I am being proactive this season. I have been posting Christmas decorating
pictures from my home, planning special meals or gatherings with loved ones,
and a lot of writing in my journals. I
am working to set myself up for success and I hope you will do the same.
I do not ever mean to diminish or disregard your grief during
this time of year at all, but we all know that we can’t change the past and we
can’t bring our loved ones back. What we
can do is celebrate and acknowledge their lives, our memories, and the fact
that we are one day closer to a joyous reunion thanks to our Savior.
I am wishing each and everyone one of you a wonderful and
joy-filled Christmas season. I am always
open to discussion about depression or other mental health issues and I believe
confiding in one another and asking for prayer is a great first step toward
recovery and a better quality of life.
Love to you all….
