A Mind and Mood Matter Part II

Depression:  A Mind and Mood Matter

Part II

February 16, 2014

Mental health is a serious issue that needs ample attention from professionals 100% of the time.  Many people have told me over the years that they have short bouts or occasional moments of depression, but they always snap out of it.  That is a wonderful blessing to be able to bounce back and it is also how our bodies were designed.  Unfortunately, due to chemical imbalances not everyone has the ability to overcome setbacks, disappointments, heartache, or tribulation in a desired timely manner.  Once a mental illness becomes a permanent fixture in your life it can take over and destroy everything you know that is good.  This is why we can’t stop having this conversation.

A new friend of mine, Valerie, recently read my blog for the first time and she sent me a message thanking me for my honesty.  I have heard this more than any other comment.  I appreciate that and it reassures me that I am doing the right thing.  Hey we all know that men are supposed to be tougher than this and keep our emotions under wraps….NOT!  It’s a different world today than it was 50 years ago and while I am not one of those people who embraces “the new world” as much as some, in respect to men being more open about their emotions, I am so on board!  If I didn’t write this blog, travel and speak, open up to friends and relatives, I wouldn’t be alive.  I wouldn’t have the opportunity to fulfill God’s plan for my life.

My condition got so bad that a couple of years ago my medical doctor and counselors advised me not to live alone.  As difficult as that was to hear and adjust to, I have been able to enjoy a much better quality of life by not living alone.  I am grateful for my friends and family who have shared homes with me over the last several years and I feel very settled, protected, and safe in this environment.  I have the accountability that I need to enjoy a prosperous and healthy lifestyle.

A few of the symptoms that men and women face with mild depression are:  difficulty falling asleep and difficulty waking up in the mornings, racing thoughts (mostly negative), deep sadness, increased crying for no reason (or nothing we want to admit), loss of interest in daily activities, heavy feelings of doubt, sadness, regret and much more.  Depression and anxiety are very closely related and the world we live in today with all of it’s challenges is enough to give anyone mild depression or anxiety.   If the feelings I mentioned in this paragraph last for more than two weeks there is definitely a sign of a problem and shouldn’t be ignored.

When depression becomes more serious to the point of chronic or manic, a person MUST seek help.  Depression and Bipolar disorder are so closely related that millions have been misdiagnosed because the beginning stages of Bipolar Disorder are almost a mirror for mild to manic depression.  The issue with this is that you cannot treat them with the same medications!  A false diagnosis can cause deeper problems and even induce more thoughts of suicide.  I keep a journal of my behavior/mood swings and I utilize this in every counseling session.

If you are currently seeing a professional or you are considering it, utilize a diary/journal/notebook to document everything you have experienced.  Include dates and times and what was going on in your life/family/job, etc.  Because depression and other mental illnesses can’t be diagnosed with a simple blood test, X-Ray or MRI, professionals have to rely on the information provided by the patient.  It must be truthful information!  I have lied to several doctors because I was embarrassed to give some details and it cost me dearly in the long run.  One time I was given an anti-psychotic medication that placed me in a zombie state for days.  There was a single symptom that I excluded from my detail for the doctor and had I informed him, the medication would have been different.  It doesn’t help matters when some doctors are in such a hurry to get you in and out of their office.  I hate that!!  Do not write a prescription when you have only listened for five minutes.  You have to take control of your own health by insisting that your doctor hear everything you have to say before writing a script or making a plan.

Did you know that people who suffer from Bipolar Disorder generally cannot take sleeping medications?  If I take an Ambien or an OTC sleep aid, I will wake up about one hour after I fall asleep completely wired.  Sleep aids have the opposite affect on me than a person who does not have a mental disorder, or at least the one I have.  Medications interact with our chemical balances and we are all different.  Now that doesn’t mean that if you experience the same symptom you are automatically depressed or bipolar.  It’s important to track these weird symptoms and empower your medical team to help you!

Mood swings are the hardest for me to deal with and they are also extremely difficult for those who care about me.  No one enjoys being around a person who is full of grandiose ideas one minute and won’t even speak to you the next.  I hate being this way.  When I am withdrawn and sad I can hear people talking to me, but I just can’t muster the energy, will, or desire to engage.  I make excuses, act impulsively, overeat, and basically hurt all over when I experience this cycle.  Medications do reduce the symptoms, but absolutely there is no known cure.  Also, over the years I have experienced my body becoming immune to certain medications/dosages after short periods of time.  Trial and error is so frustrating but it is also a necessary evil when fighting any chronic disorder.

Talk therapy and counseling is a requirement for me.  I definitely can’t rely solely on medicine.  Spiritual counseling is medicine for the soul.  I want the world to know that nothing has helped me through this battle more than my relationship with God.  He places people, opportunities and treatment in my path to help me.  I can’t lie to God.  I have to tell Him everything!  Having that level of friendship with Jesus where you can say anything anytime of the day is the greatest gift and blessing a man can receive. 

I’ll keep striving to make the most of my life and to celebrate the joys, talents, loves, and other blessings I have.  At the end of this road there lies a city made of gold and while that is my ultimate goal, it’s my duty as a Christian and as a Man to use what The Lord has given me to be a ray of hope or light for others.

Love to you all….

Depression: A Mind and Mood Matter

Part One
February 12, 2014

Introduction

I started my journey of public speaking and writing on the topic of Depression in 2007 after a very dear friend and Minister, Wayne Dunaway convinced me the only way to bring about change in the Church was to speak out.  I am very grateful for my upbringing and for my conservative faith, but I also am very aware that many of my brethren and myself included have spent an abundance of time judging others rather than showing love and compassion.  My life long battle with Bipolar Disorder and Depression was intensified by my own perception that I was not good enough for God, Church, Family, and Society.  I set out to change opinions about faith and depression.  Because my friends, family, and brethren at the Ohatchee Church of Christ opened their hearts and minds to me, I have succeeded in my goals and my quality of life.  Regardless of the struggle, God is the Victory.  Every day He brings about emotional victory for me.  God is a healer of all things and He blesses us with great medical minds and technology to improve our physical and mental health just as serving Him improves our spiritual health.

I am by no means a medical expert in the area of mental health.  I don’t have any degrees that qualify me to give medical advice, counseling, etc.  What I do have is life experience and the passion to encourage others to seek help and believe they can overcome the symptoms of this disease.  By sharing my story, symptoms, behavior, setbacks and progress, it might just improve the life of someone who thinks they are alone in this.  This column should be used for inspiration or motivation, not as medical advice.  I am an advocate for prescription treatment when necessary.  Later in my column you will read my story of frustration over the trial and error of my treatment.  This disease is ever evolving and always poses a challenge against an easy prescription fix.  Keep in mind there is no known cure, only improved quality of life, reduced symptoms and cycles, etc.   

My Story

For many years as a young man I struggled with mood swings.  I developed the nickname “Worry Wart” because I drove my family members crazy obsessing about minor details.  Even if my parents and I had little control over a situation, I still worried about it.  The worry became more than just a mood or behavior problem, it became a serious health issue.  My mind began to dump everything on my stomach.  My mother took me for many trips to the doctor and he always said, “some boys just have trouble with their tummys.”  This was of course way back in the 1970s, so there was little discussion about depression and anxiety.  Did you know that “Clinical Depression” did not become a prominent term until 1980?

Eventually my stomach issues translated to an emergency appendectomy, gal bladder, Crohn’s Disease and more.  My parents did the best they could as far as getting medical help, but the issue at the time was mental and the connection between the two was yet to be discovered by a doctor in my Alabama hometown.

As an adult I had years of success, accomplishment and good fortune, but I still crashed emotionally over the smallest of crisis.  I kept most things private and found that I fell deeper into depression out of embarrassment.  I did not understand my emotions.  I thought it was very abnormal for a young man to cry at the drop of a hat.  I would work all day and accomplish my goals, then come home and fall apart at night.  We all know that men are not supposed to be weak and cry.  I was so strong and successful during the day; therefore I couldn’t understand the weakness in the evenings.  I was a faithful member of the church, a youth minister, and took special care of an elderly grandmother.  I thought I was doing everything I could to please God.

I confided in a few friends but no one really understood or knew how to help me.  I reached the lowest point when I lost my maternal grandmother, Bertie Mae in 2003.  She had been such a rock of strength and support for me.  She along with my mother raised me to be a good Christian man and to respect my elders, work hard, and serve humanity.  Losing her was very difficult even though I knew we would be reunited in Heaven.  I began to retreat into darkness more and more, fall away from the Church and begin to plot suicide.  Fortunately God stepped in as He always has.  Minister friends of mine, C.E. and Jean Chappell recognized my condition and began to question me.  Sister Jean would not take no for an answer when I was offered help.  She and C.E. took me to a specialist in Selma and began my medical intervention.  Sometimes we have to realize that imposing concern from a close friend might be the hand of God offering help.

The journey to a better quality of life began.  Over the course of the next few posts, I will detail some of the symptoms, episodes and advancements I have made.  Please know that if you are just beginning this battle, you are not alone.  It can get better but as someone who fights this battle, like many things the first step is to admit there is a problem.

If you would like to reach me personally, feel free to email me at robby.goodwin72@gmail.com. 

Love to you all….