I remember witnessing my first
baptism about thirty-five years ago. I
was barely five years old. I have this vivid memory of a young teenage boy
walking down the aisle at the end of Church service. The minister, Brother Scott had just finished
his sermon and offered the invitation.
The congregation sang in unison.
Granny, my cousins and I sat on the fourth bench from the front, the boy
came from way in the back. His walk
seemed to take forever. He reached the
front and sat on the first bench. The
Minister and an Elder shook his hand. He
was handed a white card. He sat
trembling and appeared to be scribbling something on the paper. Once the Church was finished singing the
hymn, the Minister walked back up the three steps to the Pulpit.
The baptism was quite ceremonial
and there were many tears of joy throughout the congregation. Years went by and I witnessed hundreds of
people make that walk down the aisle for baptism or to make prayer requests, repent
of sins, etc. It took me a very long
time to make that decision, because I was so fearful of that walk down the
aisle. How in the world could I walk in
front of all those people? I might
collapse.
As I matured I realized it was not
the walk down the aisle that I feared most.
I was afraid that I couldn't live up to the walk with Jesus and the
judgment of others.
In 1998 at age 26 I won a local
speaking competition and a bid to the Alabama Public Speaking Championships in
Dothan. I prepared a speech on the
prevention of school violence. I had
always enjoyed public speaking, but had never competed until a few friends in
the Glencoe Jaycees talked me into entering as a platform for my community
service. I was nervous during the
competition, but polished my shoes, wore my lucky suit and delivered a great
speech. I was not surprised that I made
it into the finals at state. I planned
on it. The final round was fierce
competition. It was the best of the
best. Some of the finalists had been
competing for years and while you could only win the Alabama title once,
several had come close in years past and were giving it another shot. It was my first time. I delieverd another great speech in the final
round and improptu round.
The state banquet to announce the
winners started at 7PM following the final day of competition. About 15 of my colleagues and friends from
the Jaycees attended the banquet. We got
there early in order to grab the best seats.
I asked them to choose the seats in the back. If I placed in the top three, I would receive
an award and I wanted to taste sweet victory for a long time. I wanted a long walk to the podium. I had worked hard.
The banquet began and several
awards were given for community service, etc.
The final event was the announcement of the Alabama Amateur Public
Speaking Champion for 1998. A 2nd
Runner-Up was announced followed by the 1st Runner-Up. My heart sank, because I wanted one of those
plaques and to walk that aisle with my head held high. There was no fear in that walk. I knew I could do it and I was driven a
little by pride. The announcer then
spoke these words, "and now the winner and the person who will represent
the great state of Alabama in December in Washington, D.C., sponsored by the
Glencoe Jaycees, Mr. Rob Goodwin!" Cheers
erupted around me and friends began hugging me and pushing me toward the
aisle. It was probably the second
greatest moment of my life.
I realized that I enjoy being in a
crowd and "making an entrance."
My nervousness when I walked the aisle at church was because I feared
the walk with Jesus. My fear was not the judgment of the people at
the moment of my confession, but the judgment of people for the rest of my
life.
Since I was five years old I have
struggled with Bipolar Disorder.
Obviously in the 1970s we had no idea what to call it. Along with the mood swings come a great deal
of manic depressive episodes. One of the
factors that can cause an episode is failure or letting someone I care about
down. I have always put too much
pressure on myself by placing extraordinary stock in what others think. There is but one judge. Jesus is the Judge and the Jury, and He will
not be calling any expert witnesses.
Sometimes I think we don't
understand how much harm we do to others by judging them. The Word talks about not becoming a stumbling
block. It is certainly our place as
Chrsitians to help others up when they fall victim to sin. This means we are sinners helping other
sinners. Everyone has sin. Regardless of who you are, you will never live
a sinless a life. If you think it s
necessary to go to the alter every time you commit a sin, you might as well
live in the church building. God exists
everywhere. He is always with us. Forgiveness for sins is all about the
personal relationship we have with our Father.
His grace is sufficient for all.
I want you to truly concentrate on
this next statement. It's
not the walk with Jesus we fear, it's how others perceive and judge our walk. If you constantly point out the sins of
others and "rank them," shame on you!
Wayne Dunaway, my current Minister and very close friends alwasy says,
"you go to people with love in your heart, not contempt." In my humble opinion we could all practice a
little more tolerance without
necessarily having to tolerate things we don't agree
with.
As a man who continues to struggle
from time to time about being comfortable in my own skin, celebrating my
victories and forgetting my defeats, I understand the obstacles we all
face. One of the most important scriptiures
in the Bible is Philippians 2:12, "...work out your own salvation with
fear and trembling." This is a
directive to us from God that we are responsible personally for our own
relationship with Him. It is not our
place to determine whether another person is going to Heaven. If you are spending your time doubting if
someone else is righteous, you are mentally casting stones.
For those who refuse to have a
relationship with God or show allegiance to the Church, or even obey His
commands because all they see is hypocrisy, you are allowing others to stand in
the aisle and block you. Man should
never use another person as an excuse to hinder his own relationship with the
Almighty.
Whatever your fear or hang up may
be, it's up to you to work it out with your Savior. Let no man dictate to you how it is to be
done. Seek the truth through study. Utilize guidance from the people who love
you unconditionally. Do what is
necessary to clear the aisle and take your walk. Take your walk with Jesus and enjoy the life
He meant for you.
Love to you all.
