Stand Up Against Bullying

Just about everyone I speak with knows someone who is a teenager and is experiencing some level of bullying in school.  The biggest fear that a parent used to have regarding their teenage children was peer pressure.  “Will my child feel the need to follow the crowd to fit in?”  Have you ever found yourself asking that question?  Today, we have to ask ourselves if the self esteem of the teenagers we are raising is being destroyed by a bully, and are they being placed in psychological and physical danger on a daily basis?  My question is when do we stop asking questions and start demanding answers from the Boards of Education and the leaders on campus?  It’s time for a few of us to stand up, put our foot down and take this battle to a new level so our kids can accomplish the academic goals every young person should have instead of constantly living in fear or humiliation.

My nephew Austin has literally been driven to the brink of considering suicide on several occasions because he feels desperate to be accepted and to escape the misery he lives in each day.  Even though he is legally handicap and only has 40% hearing in one ear and 60% in the other, he is mainstreamed with no teacher’s aide.  The defense the school system gives is that the funding is just not there.  However, if you obtain an attorney or push the issue with the Board of Education, after testimony from a physician, they will give in.  In the mean time, the child pays the price for being “different.”  Austin has more challenges than simple physical obstacles.  He suffers from emotional disorders, which obviously are hereditary.  On a daily basis he endures taunting and criticism from others about his speech, appearance, and living arrangement.  For the last two years, my mother has had custody of Austin, her only grandchild, and he sees very little of his parents.  Other teenagers accuse him of being unlovable and earlier this month one young boy even accused him of being romantically involved with his grandmother.  The vile and vulgarity that the youth of today spend their time spewing is unbelievable.  What is more unbelievable to me is that we as a society can’t get control of it.  This is going to be one of our biggest failures as a nation.

The rise in teen suicide is undeniable.  It’s painful to hear stories of young boys and girls hanging themselves because they are taunted for appearance, living arrangement, sexual orientation, etc.  At what point did parents stop teaching their children to mind their own business and keep their hands off each other and their mouths shut?  At what point did we stop teaching children the golden rule?  In fact, how many teenagers can actually tell you what the golden rule is?  Maybe this is another symptom or side effect of taking God out of schools and filling the classrooms with educators who are overwhelmed in schools that are understaffed.

We have to start with prayer.  We all need to spend more time on our knees talking to God about what is best for our children and praying that we have the strength and the resources to defeat what is infecting and eroding the morals of a generation.  Secondly, there has to be accountability.  Laws must be passed and ENFORCED regarding bullying.  Regardless of the circumstances of each child nothing is worth a life going to waste.  When it comes right down to it as Americans, we should stand up and say each and every one of our children have a legal right to an education without interruption or harassment.  If education administrators can’t handle the situation, they need to be removed and I don’t give a hoot about their tenure.  Every job I have ever worked required a certain level of performance and that performance was determined by how well I served the general public, managed company profits, achieved goals, etc.  The same standards need to be in place for teachers and Principals. 

I also believe the behavior of every child starts with circumstances at home.  Austin is accountable for his behavior as well.  He has not had the ideal upbringing, no one does anymore.  It’s rare for a child to have the kind of home life that existed 25-30 years ago.  Many young boys and girls who are bullies come from broken homes and are lashing out, but also many of them come from self-righteous materialistic homes and they have the example of their parents of looking down on everyone else. 

I am completely fed up and I don’t plan on sitting on the sidelines and watching my nephew suffer through three more years of high school constantly as a victim of bullying.  Physical and emotional abuse should be punishable by law at any and every age.  This is a conversation we must keep going.  We have to do whatever it takes to save the lives of the innocent and give them the start in life that everyone deserves.  Please pass this along to as many as you can and let’s stop this cycle.  The only way to bring about change is with your voice, your heart, and your hands.  I hope we can all start making a difference before bad goes to worse.

God bless you all.

Begin Again

When you look at the journey you are on in life, there are so many twists and turns and very few people actually follow the path they map out for themselves in those teenage planning or “dreaming” years.  God's ultimate plan for us is to spend eternity with Him in Heaven.  What happens in the middle is what we call life.  Regardless of our best laid plans, thankfully because of His endless forgiveness, we can always start over. 

I can’t even remember all of the dreams I have dreamed.  That’s why I know that God doesn’t just place one dream in my heart.  I believe he wants me to be happy, content, and realize that I am to store my treasures in Heaven and not in the corner office, my garage, or the local bank.  Tonight as I was writing in my prayer journal I had been reading in Psalms for inspiration.  David says that a man who has nothing more than his breath when weighed with a man who has many riches, the two combined equal nothing but breath.  In the grand scheme of things the material things or anything we place abundant value on in this world doesn’t amount to anything compared to the relationship we have with God and what awaits us in eternity.

This summer has been one of the hardest seasons in all my life.  As I look back on times when I lost jobs, battled life threatening illnesses, and buried loved ones, nothing seems to compare to the battle within Rob as I know him this summer.  I launched one of the most successful speaking tours I have ever been able to do.  I am so very proud of my Faith Is A Factor platform, but, the devil was very disappointed in it and did everything he could to destroy my love for God.  He has done everything possible to hang as a dark cloud over the glory and honor I wanted to give to the Lord for showing me a better way to deal with depression.

I made terrible decisions throughout parts of this year.  Those decisions cost me on so many levels, because I found myself in a constant struggle of impulse vs. rationality.  Fortunately, victory has prevailed and as God’s Word clearly explains, we will prosper and He will answer the pleas of the righteous.

In my younger days everything I did was about pride.  It was all about outperforming someone else.  Just because I grew up in a trailer park to cotton mill workers, didn’t mean I wasn’t going to be the most successful person to emerge from Cochran’s hollow.  I wasted too many years storing up treasures on earth…in the corner office, on the business card, in the local bank.  Fortunately I have always served the Lord, but I never truly grasped the clarity of a man’s relationship with his Savior until the last couple of years, magnified even more this year.

Already on a downward spiral, I wrote the sermon, “Faith Is A Factor,” and delivered it with good reviews.  I was able to tour multiple states and reach new brothers and sisters and patients who suffer the same illness as I.  Unfortunately, and not to paint myself as the victim, because I am not, my brother was brutally and in my mind unfairly killed in a car crash at the end of June.  I still can’t understand how a man who never had an enemy, never had a sickness, and was so full of joy had to go before his younger weaker, sicker, sad and depressed brother.  I allowed this grief to overcome me and dominate my life for the last fifteen weeks. 

Realizing that I was in a state of chaos and on a collision course with disaster, I decided to practice what I was so effortlessly preaching….

Completely turning your life over to God is humbling.  When you really make that connection where you understand that He is in total control and you remove the negatives, regardless of how much it hurts or what the consequences might be, peace really begins to pass understanding.  You see I will never understand my brother’s death.  I am not meant to understand it, not in this life anyway.  Regardless of the nights I wake screaming his name or how much I wish I had changed the pattern of that last day, it is done and out of my control.

Through all of the panic attacks and the struggles to survive other snowballing disasters, God emerges with a plan.  He uses the original talents He gave me.  He uses His people, such as Courtney, Sherry, Gina, Kim, Estee, Wayne, LuAnne, Becky, Jean, Nell, Paul, Angie, Tracy, Tonya, Cindy, Suzanne, Michele, Laura, Len  and so many others to encourage and guide me toward making the right decisions to overcome circumstances that had me on the path to destruction.

Finally, I am not a man who cares what others think as much I care what others KNOW and believe in their hearts about God, not about me.  I can be victorious and overcome for Him.  I can use the talents He gave me, to begin again, so humbly and so willingly to take each day one step at a time.  Joel Osteen recently put out a devotional that God doesn’t want His children to suffer in the bad economy the way others do, and this is so true, even in dark times, as the scriptures tell us, our God is a God of abundance in everything, including happiness.

As I read back over my prayer journal entries just in the last few weeks, I can see how God aligned everything for me.  How in my desperation, He worked more quickly, He knew I needed fast results.  Now with His new blessings for me and the new “old” journey I am about to embark on, is a full circle example of embracing the simplicity of using our talents and perhaps this second time around I will learn to glorify Him even more.

God is a giver of many chances.  His forgiveness is endless.  His love is without condition or limits.  So then should be our service in His name.  By the grace and mercy of God I begin again and that is His plan, and today that is all I need to understand.

My love to all….

The Simple Life

A couple of years ago my good friends Ricky and Kim Johnson Dunaway moved from Ohatchee back to Kim’s hometown of Scottsville, Kentucky.  I have been meaning to visit them for some time, but we all know about good intentions.  We let life get in the way.  Fortunately, Kim and Ricky continually encouraged me to visit and with my recent “Faith Is A Factor” tour I received a special invitation from the Elders at the Scottsville Church of Christ to speak.  I had an amazing experience on this trip.

Scottsville, Kentucky is nestled in the south central area of the bluegrass state.  My initial plan was to take I-65 north through Cullman, Decatur, and eventually into Nashville and up to Bowling Green.  I would then head back southeast for about twenty miles or so to Scottsville.  Ricky suggested that I take the scenic route just south of Chattanooga across Monteagle mountain and then take hwy 231 outside Murphreesboro, into Lebanon, and straight across the Kentucky line into Scottsville.  I made great time and truly enjoyed the drive.  A couple of days before I left, my friend Austin Brown and I had corresponded about our prayer journals, and he promised me he would give me a report in a few months on how his was going for a “year-end sermon” I am planning.  I used the windshield time for a lot of traditional conversation with the Lord, especially since I couldn’t write and drive.  As the east coast was bracing for Hurricane Irene, Tennessee was enjoying beautiful sunny skies.  The amazing views were inspirational across the mountain and it was so appropriate to express my gratitude and deepest thoughts to God.

Once I arrived in Kentucky, I visited with my friends for a while and we enjoyed some southern cooking for lunch and then decided to venture outside town a short distance to a Mennonite community.  If you have never had the opportunity to witness the lifestyle of the Amish country, you have no idea what you are missing.  I had heard stories from Ricky and Kim, but was not prepared for the simplicity and purity of life these faith driven people live.  I was not surprised by the fact there is no electricity, but the creativity and volume of production these families yield from the land is amazing.  They use the strongest horses, manmade tools, and their backs to grow the most beautiful crops.

As we toured jam houses, furniture shops, produce stands, and “pick your own pepper” fields, the friendly and humble nature of the Mennonites warmed my heart.  From early ages these spiritually grounded overachievers develop the strongest work ethic I have ever seen.  It reminds me of stories my Mom and Grandmother told me about their cotton farming days. 

One of the most intriguing characteristics I picked up unanimously from this community was joy.  There was no complaining, laziness or arrogance like you might find in your local store or restaurant.  Long lines or staring tourists didn’t seem to impact them at all.  Looking into their eyes, all you could see was understanding and kindness, no judgment.  I kept thinking to myself as we drove around in air conditioned cars watching them drive their horse drawn wagons and carriages, most of us were judging them.  “How do they live like this?”  “Why do they believe they can’t watch any TV or have any electricity?”  “Why must they cover their heads and wear long dresses in the summer and all the boys wear suspenders?”  This community lives a simple life where they are not trying to keep up with the neighbors.  They are not stressed out by the need for materialistic success. 

I certainly didn’t leave Scottsville, KY planning to go join a Mennonite community or buy a patch of land and start completely living off my harvest, or giving up my car, TV, computer, etc.  I did however, come away with a much better understanding of contentment.  I realized this community was not there for my entertainment but for a lesson in life that I needed to learn.  Those of us who truly are trying to live the Christian life are not that different from the Mennonites.  We serve the Lord first and realize that we store our treasures in Heaven, not here on earth.  We want for nothing, because God supplies all basic needs and motivation.

I will never stop believing that God wants me to dream and He wants me to accomplish as much in my life as my heart desires as long as it doesn’t interfere or diminish my love for Him.  I keep thinking back to what a bright young speaker named Renee Zeringue recently said during a sermon.  The void we feel within us can on be filled by God.  If we don’t allow Him to be first, we will never know true joy and satisfaction.  The perfect simple message for the most complicated of lives.  I am thankful for my friends Ricky and Kim, the Elders at the Church in Scottsville, the Mennonites, and for a wonderful God who teaches me inspirational life lessons.

All glory to God, Almighty!

Dreaming: Good or Bad?

I have a good friend who lies down and goes to sleep every night as soon as the head hits the pillow.  This friend has very strict rules about not watching TV in bed, not reading in bed, not working on the laptop in bed.  For the most part, the bed is for sleep.  “You must train your body and mind the bed is for sleeping!”  This is the constant lecture I receive.  Very sound advice because I work from my bed constantly.  I watch TV there, I read there, I write there, and I talk on the phone and Facebook there.  I also toss and turn every single night and dream extremely vivid dreams there.  My friend….never dreams or doesn’t remember them if they do.

I wake up in the morning absolutely exhausted from the dreams I have dreamed.  They are so vivid and so real.  Several doctors have advised me over the years that it is a symptom of the mental disorder.  When I worked in a restaurant, I cooked all night in my sleep.  When I worked in a retail jewelry store, I sold watches all night in my sleep.  When I traveled as a marketing director, I flew on an airplane every night in my sleep.  My mind never stopped and never rested.  It has been this way my entire life, and bordering on forty years old, it has almost worn this body and mind out.

Over the years I have been prescribed sleep aids such as Ambien, etc.  The problem is that with Bipolar Disorder, it has an adverse effect and you sit straight up in the bed about two hours after you fall asleep, wide awake.  It is a result of the chemical imbalance.

For me, dreaming has not always been detrimental.  My dreams are so vivid and creative that I have used them to write, develop marketing campaigns, and even visit with relatives who have passed away.  I often see my dreams as a gift from God because it’s my way of communicating with my beloved grandmothers and my Dad since they passed away.  I can remember very detailed conversations when I wake up in the morning and questions answered that helped me to bring closure to the death of a loved one.

Back on June 25 when my older brother Tony passed away from his car accident, I was devastated.  I lost sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking of him and I couldn’t manage my grief.  I didn’t see him in my sleep, I just tossed and turned because I felt guilty that it happened to him and I felt regret that I was not a better brother to him.  For over eleven weeks I have suffered thinking how will I ever find closure to his death when there was no proper opportunity to say goodbye.  He was taken from us abruptly.  Death was instant, and there was no open casket or no possible way for us to view his remains, or have the “traditional goodbye.”  I barely was able to compose a sentence through his entire eulogy.

I feel that I have spent most of this time in shock.  Not fully accepting the fact that he is gone and not coming back.  Concentrating more on regret and the “what if’s?”

Last weekend was Labor Day weekend.  A wonderful and loving group of friends took me to Fairhope, AL near Mobile Bay and Gulf Shores to rest and recuperate.  Saturday, September 3 would have been Tony’s forty-fifth birthday.  I was devastated and no matter how hard I tired, I couldn’t be the life of the party that I wanted to be.  In fact, I lay in bed until lunch time on Saturday, just dozing in and out of sleep, mostly too sad to muster the energy to socialize.  Finally, one of my friends came and kissed me on the cheek, woke me up and said we are all waiting for you.  I agreed to get up and shower and go out for lunch.  There was a triple red flag at the beach due to Tropical Storm Lee and the wind and waves were unbelievably intense.  I put on a little show for my friends to make them laugh by doing my own version of a weather report.  I gave a high energy performance, we even uploaded it to Youtube, but before long, sadness reclaimed control.

The day progressed and we had wonderful meals, great conversation and all the friends encouraged me to talk about Tony and share stories of our childhood, and so I did.  They sat and listened intently as I verbalized memories of laughter and love from years gone by.  I told of our varying interests as young boys, different styles as men in our twenties, and complete opposite career pursuits.  The one thing we did have in common was our respect for each other.  We never fought, and if there was a disagreement, we just didn’t discuss it because we never wanted to do anything to jeopardize our relationship. 

On Saturday night, September 3, the day that I should have been celebrating Tony’s birth, I drifted to sleep and for the very first time in the eleven weeks since his tragic accident I dreamed of him.   I dreamed I was riding In that old blue Supra, just as plain as day he cruised around the square in Jacksonville past the McDonald’s and all along the campus.  In my dream, he was dressed in a suit.  The one picked out to bury him in.  He looked handsome and healthy.  I kept telling him over and over, “Tony you are dead, you are gone.”  He just kept smiling at me and saying, “I know.”  I rolled the window down and let the air hit my face as tears streamed down.  I kept turning back to look at him to see when he was going to be gone.  Finally, he said, to me, “I am always going to be here, in your dreams.”

When I awoke on Sunday morning, my pillow was soaked in the tears I had cried.  I have complained for years of the dreams I had to endure.  The recurring nightmares and the endless dreams of work that caused me to wake up so exhausted in the mornings; however, at that moment, I realized, I couldn’t trade that dream for anything.  It was a step in the direction of closure.  By no means am I over it.  I don’t think I ever will be.  Still, I trust him and believe that when I desperately need the comfort, there he will be in my dreams. 

For those who believe there is no God, how do you explain the miracle of the mind?  The subconscious state of mind that satisfies the soul and mends the broken heart is undeniable.  God exists as the Almighty, All-Knowing, and All Powerful God.  He comes through for us in all forms and fashions.  I am learning to be thankful for some of the suffering I have had to endure in life, especially when it draws me nearer to Him and His hand can turn a handicap into a mechanism for healing.

I would say the title to this blog is about as rhetorical as one can get.  I’ll vote that dreaming is good, and oh how I pray that God never lets me stop.

Chase your dreams, for in those moments you may find the answers to the uncertainty of reality.  

Good Intentions...Bad Implementation

Most of the blog entries I write are directly related to my personal struggles, and my pursuit for emotional wellness.  They are lessons that I need to learn just as much as the next guy.  Recently I spoke at a small congregation in Odenville and I assured the group that “I am not a preacher, I am a speaker.”  Preachers are a lot more knowledgeable about scripture, have more patience, and do an abundance of work that I am not capable of doing.  However, when I speak, I incorporate personal stories and usually the toes I mean to step on are my very own.  Such is the case with my blog.

I am proud to say that one part of my life that I remain consistent is prayer.  Since starting my prayer journals well over eighteen months ago, I have maintained my commitment to pray more diligently on a daily basis.  I need to implement these results in every area of my life.  Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you constantly have good intentions, but very poor implementation?

One of the most common cases of good intentions among my friends and in my own life has been health or weight control.  We all tell ourselves in our “New Year’s Resolutions” that we will lose this much weight by this date, etc.  It works for a while, right?  Somewhere along the line if you are like me, work gets in the way, social life gets in the way, responsibility with the kids, so on and so forth.  We could make a hundred excuses why we don’t deliver on our promises to ourselves.

Since my brother’s death on June 25th, I have been back in a manic depressive state for approximately forty days.  My friend Gina Brown talked to me about meditation and yoga, and made me promise to do it and then text her when I was done.  I stuck with it about three days, but when the accountability disappeared I stopped.  It’s not Gina’s responsibility to make sure Rob does yoga on a daily basis.  She has a husband and three children and a thriving business to take care of.  The lesson I need to learn is take the advice, and implement the process rather than chalk it up to another “good intention, gone bad.”

My close friend Angie was just texting me tonight about how thankful I need to be and what kind of man she sees me as.  She used words like creative, smart, faithful, loyal and strong.  Are you kidding me, Rob Goodwin strong?  Joel Osteen often talks about positive affirmation in his daily devotionals and I certainly have had good intentions over the last several years to encourage myself on a daily basis with positive descriptions like those mentioned above.  Again, planned but not executed.

Life is full of ups and downs and no one person has any right to claim their life is harder than anyone else.  We can’t know the pain that one person feels until we walk in their shoes.  I will say from experience though, when I am in a manic depressive state, I find it much harder to deal with the day to day ups and downs.  I can be on a natural high after a solid presentation at 2PM, and then by 4PM feel like every limb on my body weighs one hundred pounds and be mentally exhausted and depressed.  For some, medication is the only way to fight such roller coaster emotions.  I agree that’s the best pursuit for many; however, I choose to write, speak, and reach out to loved ones as my therapy and treatment process.  My speaking engagements and blog entries are my way of saying there is one finger pointing at you and four right back at me.  The  genuine kindness my loved ones show in reading and commenting on my blog and sending positive and encouraging emails and text messages is the best medicine for me.

Earlier this year, a great young man who worships at the Ohatchee church with us, but is actually away at school, Rene Zeringue preached one of the best sermons I have ever heard in my life.  He pointed out that we never truly find happiness and satisfaction until we go to God first for completion in our lives.  God is the only one who can fulfill every need.  He kept saying over and over, if you feel a void in the pit of your stomach, you need to fill it with God, first.  This is also the area in our lives where good intentions can’t get us into Heaven.  We have to implement our faith and obedience to the best of our abilities.  Christ’s blood was shed so that we could all know salvation through Him, but we must accept that and live accordingly.

My friends, if you are like me and there are plenty of areas in your life where you have good intentions but bad implementation, the path to improvement certainly begins with prayer and service to God.  For those who battle emotional issues or loved ones who have someone in their life who struggle, communication is the best good intention and the best way to implement healing.  Accountability works for me, and I rely on it daily for survival.  Please pass along this blog for encouragement and let’s keep loving one another and serving our God with all our might.

Love to you all…. 

Finding Home

The last couple of entries in Emotional Victory have been extremely sad and I am thankful for all of my friends and readers who have been patient with me through the struggle of this cycle.  As I have written many times, living with Bipolar disorder, you just never know what kind of mood you are going to be in or what kind of productivity you will have, for me that is especially true on the personal side.  I have a strong work ethic and do my best to put forth as much effort daily to accomplish what I need to in my career, but I don’t always take care of my family and friends the way I should.  I allow my sadness to affect them too much.  So in this entry I am going to celebrate some family and friends who have been such a light in my life.  I want to take you on a happy journey, but one that so many can probably relate to in a day and time where there are millions of blended families.

In the description of my blog I use my entire legal name, Robert Gowens Goodwin.  Goodwin is of course my legal last name and is the name of my mother, the father who raised me, my siblings, etc.  The Goodwin family took me in at the young age of three and my aunts Irma and Barbara will tell you proudly that I belong to them and always have.  My grandparents on the Goodwin side, Floyd and Ruth were incredibly special to me.  My cousins are wonderful and I love them all.

The middle name, Gowens, is actually my biological father’s last name.  He and my mother divorced when I was two years old.  His name is Robert also, and it was his personal decision to give up full parental rights.  He never had another biological child, although he did marry several times and have step-children.  All of my youth, I did not have a relationship with my paternal grandparents either.  I wouldn’t have known them if I saw them in the street.  I had no pictures, no idea what they looked like at all.  My Dad would visit every few years, but I will say I only ended up seeing him probably about ten times from the time he left in 1974 until he died in 1997.  My mother and I had one main connection to the Gowens family and that was my Dad’s sister, Sylvia McFall.  I am going to refer to her as Wormy, because that is her nickname in the family because she is so tiny, so I called her Aunt Wormy, and to this day, she is still Wormy to me.  She and her husband, Uncle Mac, and their two kids, Greg and Donna remained close to me throughout my youth.  They loved my mother as well and even my stepfather.  When my little sister Becky was born they actually took her right in and made her their cousin and niece as well.  She grew up thinking she had an Aunt Wormy just like me.  I was blessed to have this biological connection and they are loving people to care for me so much.

I met my grandmother on the Gowens side officially for the first time at my high school graduation.  My grandfather had passed away a few years earlier.  Even though my Dad and I did not have a relationship, she and I began to build one, and I called her Granny Gowens.  At the age of 25, in 1997, my Aunt Wormy called in the middle of the night and let us know that my Dad had passed away at the age of 55 from a massive heart attack.  We had spoken on the phone about a year earlier but hadn’t seen each other in seven years.  My Mom and I went immediately to my Granny Gowens house where Wormy and her brother, my Uncle Gary were.  Gary and his family had kept in touch somewhat as well, so I knew him a little.  The next day, I went back to my grandmother’s house to spend the day while my Dad’s current wife and stepchildren planned his funeral.  For the first time in my life I met my Dad’s older brother Glennis.  We hit it off immediately.  He is very educated and got his MBA at Alabama and was a VP of Engineering at Alabama Power.  His wife Dene worked as an office manager for a chain of psychiatric clinics in north Alabama and they currently live in Hanceville on a huge 40 acre farm.  They also have two children, Michele and Mikele that are my first cousins.  Over the last fourteen years I have been able to make up for lost time with this family because they took me right in.  We all realized how much we had missed out on by not spending time together.  My uncle Glennis told me he was so impressed with me and how intelligent I was and all that stuff, and of course someone like me that is exactly what I needed to hear.  He taught me how to dove hunt and he gives great financial advice.  It was sad that it took my Dad’s passing to bring us together, but for the first time in my life, I found the people that I look like.  I don’t favor anyone on my Mom’s side, I look exactly like the Gowens family, and my uncle Glennis and his kids look just like we all belong together and we do!  I am so thankful I had those years with my Granny Gowens before she passed away, and now that I have my ongoing relationship with Glennis and Dene, and my cousins Michele and Mikele and his wife Christy.  They are so wonderful to me.  In fact, Michele was staying with me for the weekend when my brother Tony was killed, she had traveled to hear me speak at church the next day and it was a blessing from God that she was with me at the time to help with my mother and me.  Glennis and Dene rushed to our side the next day as well.

I still continue to have a great relationship with Wormy and her family.  Donna and I are close and write to each other often.  Greg and his wife Kim McFall are very close.  Kim is one of my absolute best friends and I can go to her with anything and she won’t judge me, she is encouraging and motivating and actually serves as one of my editors for my book.  She checks in on me almost every day and we truly treat each other like siblings. 

When we lose people that we love or our lives don’t exactly turn out the all-American way that we think they should, God has a way of redirecting things and lining up our paths so that we can find the joy and inspiration that we need.  He blessed me with a family who raised me and called me their own when they didn’t have to, and he also made a way for me to reunite with blood relatives that feels like “coming home” every time I am around them, or look at them. 

In this day and time, there are a lot of blended families and a lot of step-parents/sibling relationships.  The best advice I can give anyone is always do what is best for the children and don’t ever say anything negative in front of them.  It’s important for a child of a broken home to know that they are loved and are not the cause of any problems.  It’s important for them to see a step-parent as a blessing and see cooperation and cohesive relationships between parents when there is a divorce.  It’s the only way to prevent long term and severe emotional issues.  As an advocate for emotional wellness, I can tell you from personal experience that a child will take personal responsibility for everything that goes wrong in a family whether they tell you or not.  As adults, it’s our responsibility to turn negative situations into positive ones and make children feel safe and “at home” in whatever family environment they encounter. 

Tonight I am praying there is a  positive way to influence blended families, if pride and anger can just be left to the side; therefore,  everyone be convinced that for the sake of the children, you behave the way God expects us to all the time.  For any children out there who are missing biological parents and wondering why they were left or why situations happen, just remember God has a purpose for us all and for all situations, and when we pray and trust in him the answers will come.  We will all find our way home!

Love to you all.

The Quiet Place

My boss Jim and I were having a conversation today about how people mature in their abilities and personalities as they progress in business and of course as their experience mounts.  This is true for every aspect of our lives and especially our spirituality.  Over the years, I have been blessed with some exceptional examples of Christianity in numerous role models.  I always noticed that the best Christians seemed to be the older folks.  I do admit when I was young I didn’t like it when people would tell me how wise the older folks were and that I would understand things much better when I got older.  That’s pretty common among youngsters.  We have all been through that “know it all” stage.  Now that I am thirty-nine, I am convinced I will never know it all, but I am thankful that is a lesson I have learned with age.

The last two weeks have been almost unbearable for me.  I would be willing to bet that loss of loved ones is the number one cause of depression in the world.  There are many tragic and traumatic events in a person’s life that can cause an onset of a manic episode, but the loss of someone you are close to and love dearly is unmatched.  I have written in the past about manic episodes caused by the passing of my grandmother, father, etc., but in those cases, there were different circumstances.  Illness was involved and there was a chance to say goodbye.  My brother’s tragic death in an automobile accident two weeks ago tomorrow was shocking and heartbreaking.  There was no way to say goodbye, prepare, or soften the blow.

I can honestly say I am so grateful to God for the maturity I have achieved as a Christian.  I am grateful that I have faith in the unseen and that I have progressed to the point where I know God walks beside me all day long and that He will never put more on me than I can handle.  Certainly, my heart is heavy and my mood is dazed and confused.  I have reached out to close friends and been blessed with continual prayers.  I am not the first or the last to lose a loved one in this tragic way.  I have cousins who lost their brother and mother in this manner.  There is a similar story in every family.  It’s something that you don’t understand until you go through it.  God has allowed me to find comfort in the knowledge that my brother and I will meet again and that all who believe and obey Him will know eternal life.  Regardless of the ailment or obstacle a person faces in life, the first step in victory is faith in God.

I have no idea how any person can go a single day without calling on the Father.  There is no rhyme or reason in this world without Him.  Happiness, love, freedom, and prosperity are all things that we deserve, but in my maturing as a Christian I have learned never to be complacent or take for granted that God provides all things.  He provided a deep love between two brothers for me and Tony and I am grateful for the impact he had on my life and the memories we created.  I don’t question God at all, I simply ask for His guidance, comfort and love.  It comes abundantly and freely.

Whether grief, addiction, finances, marriage, children, or jobs are factors in your depression, the first phase of healing is your relationship with God.  Tonight, I am in my quiet place.  I am meditating and talking with God.  We each need that place in our minds and hearts where we can retreat and dedicate time to the most important relationship we will ever have.  A friend said to me today that man or woman’s best friend is always God.  We can’t even grasp the capacity of love that He feels for us.  I am comforted just sitting, reading His Word, opening my heart and not being afraid to let the tears of emotion flow. 

If you suffer from depression and you find that a manic episode takes you to “that place” and you know what I mean by that phrase, the first help you seek is from God.  The next step is to talk to another person and let them know how you are feeling.  I had to do that today and assign “accountability” to myself.  Talking to another person will garner more prayers for your comfort and it decreases a depressed individual’s likelihood to harm himself.  Finally, medical attention may be necessary and should never be ruled out due to shame or embarrassment. 

In my quiet place tonight, I have prayed, cried, and I have written.  I do this for you or your loved ones who may be suffering also.  I do this for myself for accountability and healing.  I do this for God, because I am proud to serve Him and proclaim that He is the answer for all things.  All glory and honor to His name.

Love to you all.

The Brother God Gave Me

It has been a very sad and emotional week for me.  We laid to rest my big brother, who was only 44 years young.  Tony Renee Goodwin was a dynamic and outgoing person who lit up a room with his “camera ready” smile.  He had the most beautiful expressions and was so full of happiness constantly.  In fact, I don’t ever think I saw a single mood swing in his behavior.  He was unconditional in his loyalty to friends and family and generous with everyone.

During the eulogy yesterday I shared a story that as a young boy I looked up to my brother so much and wanted to be just like him.  I would follow him around and try to imitate his every move.  Of course, like most big brothers he would grow tired of it eventually and would need “his space.”  Whenever I managed to push him to his breaking point, Tony would hold me down and tickle me relentlessly.  I could not stand to be tickled.  It absolutely infuriated me.  I would certainly stop my aggravating behavior immediately.  Later, we were grown men, and our Dad was suffering from stage IV stomach cancer.  UAB Hospital had given him only a few months to live, but my Mom was insistent that we try every resource and avenue to achieve better news and better results.  I found the Cancer Center of America in Zion, Illinois.  Eventually they were able to give my Dad about nine really good months and a much better quality of life.  Tony and I flew to Illinois with our Dad and my Mom.  They had never flown before or even really traveled out of the south.  We had to leave them in Illinois for a couple of months.  After we got them moved into an apartment and were ready to head back to the airport, I was falling apart…leaving Mom and Dad behind in a strange, city, state, etc.   With one arm around my shoulder, Tony said to me, “Dry it up, or I will bring out the old tickle monster.”  Needless to say, I dried it up.

On June 25, 2011 my big brother left this world in a tragic and devastating car accident.  Our family is left with a huge void.  As the shock has worn off and the wonder creeps in about how do we live in a world without him?  I think about the few short years our lives are here on earth, and how eternity will be so wonderful and so worth the wait.

Tony was proud of the work I am doing with emotional wellness, he encouraged me often to pray and remain diligent in this work.  It’s nice to know your parents, friends, loved ones, and church family approves of your work and supports you, but hearing “I believe in you,” from Tony will last me for all time as I continue this journey.  Thank you God for giving this amazingly strong, caring, generous, and happy person to me as a big brother!  Rest in peace, Tigger!

Faith Is A Factor

When I spoke publicly for the first time about my personal battle with depression and my advocacy for others with the same struggles, my mission was to remove the shameful stigma attached with the disease.  I stood before two hundred or so of my brothers and sisters in Christ and poured my heart out about my deepest secrets.  It was painful for my family and those who loved me to hear the thoughts I had actually entertained.  The amount of support I received was astonishing, because I had always feared the worst.  I spoke matter of fact about my rearing in the church and being taught that depression was a sign of weakness in faith.  I disputed that teaching.  I am going to stand before the same group in another week or so, plus a few more, and I have decided to communicate the message that faith is a factor.

Depression is not caused by a lack of faith, but certainly can lead to weakness in that area.  In order to illustrate that point, I am going to have to make it personal.  I certainly don’t want to offend anyone with the intimate details, but when I started this mission to serve God, spread my testimony and perhaps save the lives of others, I conquered my fears of embarrassment.  The people I have been fortunate to meet over the last four to five years on this journey share much of the same outlook as I do.  Once again, we did not become depressed because we distrusted or had little faith in God; however, we have suffered moments of weak faith during our emotional cycles.  I want to help others learn how to pull themselves out of the situation that causes weak faith and learn to become even stronger in their relationship with God.

Depression and Bipolar disorder is not something I woke up with one morning.  It has been an illness I have dealt with my entire life; however, it went undiagnosed for many years, just as people often go undiagnosed for illnesses like Fibromyalgia, Diabetes, or Heart Disease.  A mental illness is harder to diagnose because you can’t exactly pinpoint it with a blood test, MRI, or regular office exam.  It takes a lot of discussion, documenting symptoms and trial and error.  It is proven that it can be hereditary.  When my first significant adult manic episode occurred, I was twenty eight years old and a youth minister, bible school teacher and on the publishing team for a major Christian magazine.  My career was at an all time high, I was financially stable and tithing more than ever had before.  My faith was strong publicly and privately.  As the depression began to increase, every aspect of my life began to fall apart.  I began to make impulsive and negative decisions with career, relationships and of course I began to distance myself from God.  I did not blame God for my declining happiness and increasing stress, I just stopped going to Him in prayer for help and I started making excuses for skipping church services.

Over the course of the next few years I covered up episodes and deceived my family, friends and coworkers.  I couldn’t deceive God regardless of how hard I tried.  When a man becomes a Christian, the Holy Spirit dwells within him and I believe that life gets harder when you turn away after obeying the Gospel rather than if you had never known God.  He loves us so much that He will do whatever it takes to bring us home.  Naturally, the more I lost faith, the harder it was to cope.  As I reflect now, it occurs to me just how much of a factor faith is when dealing with depression.  If I had reached out sooner, let me rephrase that, if I had reached up sooner to God, my actual path to better health could have been shorter and less rocky.

Throughout my life I have heard many preachers tell me they felt called to preach.  Many women tell me they feel called to teach.  My cousin Sherry has a beautiful soprano voice, and she tells me that she feels called to sing as part of her ministry.  You never really understand the true meaning of what you are “called” to do until the passion is so strong in your heart that you know God put it there.  I know without any doubt that God intends for me to remain an advocate for emotional wellness.  He wants me to use my experiences, open mind, and talents to make a difference and shine for Him.

I will be speaking again on Sunday June 26 at the Ohatchee Church of Christ morning services.  I invite anyone who needs to open their hearts and minds to the Lord and allow Him to put you on the path to recovery.  If you are affected by an emotional illness directly or indirectly by a loved one who suffers, whether you understand the disease or not, it can’t be ignored.  Depression can be a matter of life or death.  Pray for yourselves and loved ones.  Please share this blog and help me reach as many of God’s children as possible.

Faith is a factor.  In my story, it was the determining factor that saved my life.  Love to you all.

Laughing Out Loud

It seems like every time I am chatting on Facebook or Blackberry messenger with my best friend, his every other comment is LOL.  Let’s face it we all overuse this acronym.  Finally the other day I just asked him, if I really bored him that much?  Or is he seriously “laughing out loud” at my every comment.  He responded that sometimes he uses it because he can’t think of anything else to say and he knows I am going to keep talking or telling a story, so it’s his way of encouraging me to keep going, but most of the time, he really is laughing out loud.  He enjoys laughing and believes it’s the best medicine for anything.  Point taken, because this is a guy that allows stress roll like water off a duck’s back.

I was reading an article the other day about Julia Roberts and her signature laugh.  It’s a money maker.  Just about every movie she does, the directors and writers pen a scene where those pearly whites are gleaming and that long flowing red hair is tossing and that hearty beautiful laugh makes the moment.  It really got me to thinking about my life and how laughter can lift tense and traumatic situations.  Think about your friends and family, isn’t there someone you know who is laughing all the time and just really brings your mood up right when you need it?

Back in my school days I can remember two girls who laughed constantly.  They had that Julia Roberts kind of beauty and infectious nature as well.  Carrie Dempsey and Stacye Bramlett attended Roy Webb and Pleasant Valley with me, so we were very close growing up.  Stacye had this machine gun kind of laugh and it didn’t matter what you said, it cracked her up and she could get everyone around her laughing with that sound.  I think the teachers were always calling her out for being loud, but it sure did lighten up the day.  Carrie and I are still close friends today and she has one of those spirited laughs that will make you feel like you are riding around in a convertible.  I can close my eyes and just hear it and it makes me smile.  Humor is one of those sensations that will help a person get through hard times.  Laughter is contagious and it primes the brain to produce serotonin, the chemical that makes you naturally feel good.  My cousin, Diane Kiser has suffered so much tragedy in her life.  She lost her little brother when we were only 15 and then both her parents before she was barely 30 years old.  Sometimes I know she becomes overwhelmed emotionally, yet she can also be one of the happiest people in the world.  Her laugh is so authentic and uplifting, she can have a room full of people rolling around holding their stomach with her wit and humor.  She told me once that she laughs to keep from crying.

God intends for his children to live happily and in abundant joy rather than sadness and despair.  Of course we all face tribulation in this life, but when we concentrate on the promise of salvation and eternity in Heaven we can overcome life’s burdens.  We each differ in our reactions to situations.  We all have strengths and weaknesses and that makes life interesting.  In my personal journey to find victory over these chemical imbalances and mood cycles, I am discovering just how complex the body and mind can be.  Who can question that God is the creator of all when you think of the natural abilities we have within ourselves.  Our immune systems can be strengthened by laughter, love, friendship, etc. as documented in the American Medical Journal. 

Each of us should reach out and encourage, comfort and love our friends more and more.  It edifies and strengthens our bodies and minds.  How much clearer does He need to be when He tells us to “love thy neighbor more than ourselves?”  I think I am going to try and use the acronym LOL a little more in my daily communication and put it into physical action just as much as written.  God bless us all.

Back To The Basics

When things are not going to so well at a company, the owners, managers, or leaders may decide to change the direction.  They may have to make difficult decisions to remove negatives.  As individuals we may get too comfortable with negatives and find it hard to let them go.  I remember back in the 1980’s the battle was so fierce between Coke and Pepsi.  Michael Jackson had signed on to be the spokesperson for Pepsi and they were basically taking more and more of Coke’s market share.  The leaders at Coke came up with this new strategy called, ironically, New Coke.  Well we all know how that ended…it was a flop.  When Coke did what it does best and went back to the basics and focused on its quality and American iconic traditions, Pepsi was left in a distant second.

In our personal lives we sometimes become complacent and we get involved in new strategies or things that we think are going to jump start our lives in a new direction.  We allow worldly pleasures to compete with God as being our number one motivator.  I can relate to this analogy in the sense of allowing doubt, defeat and the devil to compete with my faith and commitment to God.

Back  in 2003-2006 when I was at my worst point of manic depression, I gave up on faith and I retreated.  I was living in a cottage on Lake Wedowee in Randolph County. It was a beautiful place to live, if you had a family or maybe even to use as a vacation home or a writing retreat, etc.  It was not a good place for a person who was contemplating suicide to live.  However, overcome with the depression and the feeling of defeat, I hid from my loved ones, my church family, and many of my colleagues.  In my mind, I think I had developed this new marketing strategy to destroy my life one day at a time so that no one would notice when I was gone.  The biggest change and attribute of this new way of life for me was that faith was nowhere to be found.  I truly abandoned God and was guilty of forsaking the assembly.  I called my Aunt Emily one night in one of my tearful pity party’s.  I was sitting in the hall closet, completely in the dark, hiding from the world, with my cordless phone.  She asked me where are you going to Church?  There are two people in this world I can’t tell a lie, my mother and my aunt Emily.  They know me too well.  I had to tell her I wasn’t going anywhere.  She proceeded to lecture me about how my grandmother had raised me and how that is why I can’t get a grip on things.  She scolded me for hiding from the world and from God.  Angry at first, I said, where do you go to church?  I asked this because I knew she didn’t go anywhere.  She is a wonderful God-fearing woman, but she does not attend church on a regular basis.  Her response to me hit home.  She told me she had never been regular in her attendance to church, but I had.  She had never reached out for edification from others, but I had.  That’s what was missing.  Nothing was wrong or different from her faith or her pursuit of God…it was mine.  I was the one who was living differently from what I had always known!

Once you become a Christian and you worship with brethren on a regular basis, you can’t ever fall away and expect to be happy.  The only choice you have is to progress and mature.   I had to make major changes in my life if I was going to survive.  I had to stop hiding in those woods and get back to civilization and to a place where I could reach out to others, and I had to get back in church and get my life right with God.  Hebrews 11:6 says “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.”

My first step to healing emotionally and getting control of my depression was getting back in church and getting my faith in God on track.  See, He never left me, but I left Him.  When you find that you “earnestly seek Him” and you truly believe in your heart that God exists to take care of us, you can achieve and overcome anything.  Recently my friend, Courtney Hammett and I have been having a lot of discussion about faith.  She has always attended church in different congregations where I have.  Her family and I have been close friends for a very long time, but she expressed a desire to get more involved and to give more of herself to God.  She’s an elementary school teacher in her first year of teaching.  She recently started mentoring the young girls in our Church and even teaching Sunday School.  She also told me that she has improved her prayer life immensely and focuses so much on His Word every day.  In a day and time where most first year teachers get pink slipped, Courtney prospered and now is going to be celebrating her second year as a teacher.  She and I both believe God’s plan is for her to be successful.  If you look at your life and all your successes, isn’t it true that God was a major part of it??

These days when I trip and stumble and when I go through my rapid cycling of emotions related to the Bipolar Disorder, I count on God first to get me through.  Never again will I turn my back on Him and what a great blessing it is to know that when we obey the Gospel and become a Christian, regardless of where we go or what we do, He will never turn His back on us.  He is always right there waiting with open arms.

Back to the basics as a Christian, every challenge or hurdle in life we encounter needs to be conquered with prayer and faith.  It’s the only marketing strategy our lives need to yield the desired results of success.

This Must Be What They Call The Ocean

It was the summer of 1994 and I had been reassigned to the Huntsville area with my job. Granny (Bertie Mae) and I had never been separated. In fact she had lived directly behind my parents for the entire 22 years of my exhistance. We talked on the phone every single night and I ventured home every off day. Finally she asked me to take her to Huntsville with me for a short visit. "I just want to see where you sit on the couch when we talk on the phone," she explained. "It will me make me feel better if I can imagine you there when you call."

I picked her up in my small white pick-up and we headed north on US 431. As we approached the town of Guntersville I explained to her that we would be crossing a lot of water and she should not be nervous. As we crossed the large bridge over Lake Guntersville (The Tennessee River), her mouth dropped and she raised up in the seat. She gasped, "this must be what they call the ocean?" I laughed a little and then realized she was serious. I asked, "Granny, have you never seen the ocean?" She replied that she had never seen anything, travel had not been a part of her life.  In her younger days, cotton fields along highway 21 were all she saw.  She never had the means to travel. Immediately the wheels in my mind began to turn.

Two weeks later I drove her to Gulf Shores, Alabama. We stayed in a beautiful high rise hotel where all the rooms had a private balcony overlooking the beach. She couldn't tell what she was about to see when we drove in because the tall buildings along the strip blocked her view and her sight was already bad. My anxiety built like my tears are now as I write this. We rode the elevator up to our room on the 8th floor. I walked her out on the balcony and she literally stumbled backwards gasping at what she saw. She absolutely could not believe her eyes. We spent two days and nights on that balcony laughing and talking about things and enjoying God's most wonderful and beautiful creation.  Before we left, she said to me, "this is it, what I am going to imagine Heaven is like."

Nine years later,  at the age of ninety-four, in the wee hours of an October Tuesday morning, we reached the last few moments of her life. All the family was gathered around, but I was at the head of her bed craddling her in my arms. Just before she slipped away, I whispered "I will see you at the beach."......and I surely will.  I keep a picture of the two of us strolling on the beach hand in hand.  To me, that's what Heaven will be like; Granny and I strolling arm and arm along Heaven's shore.

Ten Hugs A Day

At the Ohatchee church of Christ where I worship, several of the men and I rotate leading the communion devotion each week.  My good friend Rod Pollard is one of the best speakers I know.  Recently Rod was leading the devotion and noted a statistic that ten hugs per day would generate enough serotonin in a person to calm a depressive episode.  I am confident in Rod’s research, especially since he has spent more than sixteen years in pharmaceuticals.  Since that day, I have been thinking, if I could just line up ten people to hug me every day, how wonderful that would be.  It sounds funny, but the desire to have that kind of affectionate relationship with your friends and loved ones is exactly what God intended for us, especially since compassion causes natural positive feelings.  It’s a symbiosis, advantageous to both parties.

Most people probably have the same story about their church families, but I am certainly honored and blessed to worship with more than two hundred of the best Christians.  Sundays are such rejuvenating days because we come together to praise and worship our Father and remember the life, death, burial and resurrection of our Savior.  In addition to the praise and worship, the edification and fellowship one with another is so comforting and motivational.  I have a lot of friends who talk to me frequently about dealing with emotional issues, depression, etc.  The first thing I tell everyone is that you have to talk to God and you need as much support as you can get.  For me, I have progressed so much over the last few years because of the relationship I have with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  My Minister, Wayne Dunaway is the most open and compassionate preacher I have ever known.  He’s the first person to admit that he makes mistakes every day and that Christians are sinners trying to get to Heaven.  When you worship in that mindset, there is no hypocrisy, because no one is pretending to be perfect.

 My good friend Patricia Dulaney gives me the biggest hug every Sunday and the days that either of us are feeling the least bit down, we just hold on a little longer and tighter.  The smiles that come from Zip Lambert, Louise Williams, and Gladys Muncher are so reassuring and right on time.  Sometimes, Jolaine Bowers will walk right up and take me by the hand and just say, “proud of you,” and it provides the strength and encouragement to keep serving the Lord and loving the friends he places in our path.  The men who worship in our congregation are not afraid to show affection and compassion.  Whether in our frequent handshakes, pats on the back, or encouraging hugs, we enjoy being brothers.  Not only do I get support and encouragement at services, but my church family keeps in touch with me all week.  I rarely post anything on Facebook that doesn’t get a word of encouragement from the beautiful Kay Wildman.

We are all taught in sermons and by reading scriptures that we need to do a better job of living the Christian life every day of the week, not just on Sundays.  Imagine what the world would be like if we were able to show each other the same compassion at work, school, in social circles, and even in our families that we enjoy on the first day of the week.  As part of my self-treatment for depression, I think I am going to work a little harder to show kindness and encouragement on a daily basis to everyone I meet.  I think Rod was definitely on to something regarding the hugs.  We can’t just go up to a stranger and hug them, or start touching everyone at our jobs, but the attitude of compassion that initiates a hug can certainly be reflected in our behavior.

I encourage anyone who faces emotional challenges to rely on God and Christian friends to get them through the hard times.  When we turn to God, we find that he uses others to comfort us just when we need it.  Every person deserves a warm and friendly support system in life.  We will all face tribulation and challenges, it’s inspiring to know we can gather together as servants of the Lord, support and love one another in this life as we will in eternity. 

I am definitely looking for ten hugs a day!

Best Kept Secret

Since 2007, I have been openly speaking about my struggles with depression.  It has been a lifelong battle and quite destructive to my health over the last ten years or so.  I have been asked by many medical professionals over the years why I refused to talk about it with friends and family and those that would normally comprise a support group.  The truthful answer to that question is shame.  I love my family and friends; however, being raised in a somewhat old fashioned family, one was not allowed to “air” their dirty laundry.  To compound that challenge, I wasn’t always fortunate to attend a church with an open mind. 

One of my favorite quotes of all time is “Faith makes things possible…not easy.”  This is such a true statement and I have tried to apply it to every aspect and endeavor in my life.  Faith is about trusting in the unseen and realizing that God will deliver us from our pain and strife.  The scriptures clearly state in Revelation there will be no more tears in Heaven.  Peter writes in 1 Peter 4:12 that we should not be surprised that we suffer as Christians.  It is evident that we will feel emotional pain in this life and sometimes for various reasons it takes heavier tolls on one person than it does another.  During my young and impressionable years I was taught over and over in the church that Christians should never be weak in their faith.  Emotional problems were frowned upon and it was not seen as a medical issue.  This frustrated me then and still does that some Christians don’t understand depression is not a weakness in our faith in God. It is a chemical imbalance.  A person battling a mental illness can have just as much faith in the Father as the next.  I have found that through my illness I have grown closer to God.  I need Him more and feel more connected now that I worship in an open and loving congregation than I ever did when I was dodging fire and brimstone constantly.

When society looks down upon people who are “different” in any way, it is an injustice to the person suffering the illness and it is nothing more than judgment by the person or group of people establishing the stereotypes.  How ignorant is the person who lives in a glass house and throws stones?  Don’t we all have things about ourselves we wish we could improve or change?

As I look back at the many years I hid my pain and suffering I think it was really the worst kept secret of my life.  When colleagues see your Jekyl and Hyde behavior on a daily basis or loved ones find you crying in the dark for no apparent reason or friends wonder on any given day whether you will be on a high or a low; is there any doubt a problem exists?  Is there really a secret being kept?  If the secret is kept so you will avoid the judgment of others, when it kills you, will the avoiding the shame be worth the consequence paid?

As an advocate for emotional wellness, I strive to empower those who suffer depression and its related ailments.  Take control of your situation and who you are.  For those who would judge rather than reach out or support someone who faces struggles, I say the shame is on you.  For many years my own mother called my bipolar disease, “your other little problem.”  She begged me not to tell my grandmother or others that I was taking Prozac and Lithium.  It took me a long time to convince her that regardless of the fact that I am a man with testosterone and testicles, I do feel emotional pain.  I had to convince her and myself that it no longer mattered what people thought.  When a man goes so far as taking up mountain biking and instead of for the purpose of health, but  with the intention of riding off the side of Mt. Cheaha making his death look like an accident rather than suicide, it’s time for a wakeup call and the realization that judgmental people matter not!

I have been suffering a great deal in the last ten days or so.  It’s one of those rapid cycling phases I have to endure.  An acquaintance I have known for some 15 years passed away from an accidental overdose of pain killers.  She lost her job, then her husband, then her home.  I knew she was in bad shape emotionally and I kept thinking as one of our mutual friends gave me updates that I needed to reach out to her.  I needed to do something, but I never did.  I won’t make that mistake again with anyone I know, love, or even just hear about.  I pray for everyone out there who is struggling with a “best kept secret.”  Please don’t ignore your problem for fear of judgment.  Depression is no more a sign of weakness in faith than a person who overeats every day.  Stronger faith is certainly a step in the right direction just as with any illness.  In the letter to the Hebrews, chapter eleven, verse six says, “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.”

In addition to strengthening our faith and talking about our issues, medical help is necessary.  It doesn’t always have to mean the dreaded Prozac or other scripts.  The medical community is making great strides in treating the various mental and emotional illnesses.  The point is there is help in some form.  The hurt however, is being sedentary and feeling ashamed.  Take it from me, Rob Goodwin who spent much of his life worried to death, almost literally, about his reputation.  You just have to overlook the judgmental people, even family, friends, or brethren in Christ.  Even if your pain is so strong that you don’t love yourself enough to get help, think of those who might be wondering what could they have done after the fact, if something happens to you.  Like me, you will be surprised how many people already recognized there was a problem and that your best kept secret, wasn’t really a secret at all.

God bless us all.