The Door Is Wide Open

Have you ever thought about how much easier it is to verbally support someone as opposed to “hating on them?”  I have to chuckle a little bit as I use the previous phrase.  I never thought I would actually get to the age where the casual repartee of young people would make me cringe.  I remember being a young boy and coming home telling my mother everything was “cool” or “awesome.”  She hated those words as much as her parents probably hated the word of her generation, “groovy.”  Still, the meaning is obvious, hating on someone means judging and being jealous and it takes a lot of useless energy.  I am fortunate to be at a point where I am seeing the realization of my dreams and I want to share a little gratitude for those who have lifted me up.

God is such a loving and merciful Creator.  I don’t believe for one moment that He placed anyone on this earth to fail.  He truly wants joy and success for each of His children.  We don’t always stay on the path designed for us and when we refuse to recognize we are headed down the wrong street, we may never achieve our destiny.  For me, standing up and saying out loud, “God, I have not been a good steward of your blessings,” has been the first step in his redirection of my path. 

When I hit rock bottom back in 2004 and actually plotted my suicide, I was headed rapidly down a wrong one way street.  Fortunately, many people who loved me recognized the signs and were praying even when I was not strong enough to do so.  God answered the prayers.  The night before my plan was to be carried out my late grandmother visited me in a dream.  We sat in my living room and talked about my struggles.  I remember hugging her so tightly in my dream it felt so real.  The next morning I woke up on my sofa, clutching a pillow and my front door was standing wide open.  I loaded up my bike and was planning to head to Cheaha that day to “do the deed.”  My good friend Jean called me on the phone and demanded that I come to her house to talk about my emotional problems.  She said to me, “C. E. and I are sitting here and the front door is wide open.”  God got my attention.

I have made a lot of progress in the last eight years or so.  My very close friends have been God’s resources in rehabilitating my mental state.  My family at the Ohatchee Church of Christ has been the best therapy.  Say whatever you like about the necessity of a regular church home, but for me, it’s mandatory.  I need that edification.  I need a minister like Wayne Dunaway; loving families like James and Jolaine Bowers, Mo and Kay Wildman, Wayne and Zip Lambert, Ricky and Kim Dunaway, John and Jan Dyer and so many others who embrace and show me love and concern.  A church is the “called out people.”  It’s not about a tabernacle or a majestic sanctuary; however the people need to be spectacular in a sense that they love with a tender heart and an open mind.  A Christian will never convert a non-believer with judgment and hypocritical mudslinging.  The only way to help someone else is to accept the overused cliché, “walk a mile in their shoes”, knowing that you never can! 

The majority of what holds a person back from achieving their destiny is impatience and misplaced faith.  How many times do you put your faith in what other men or women think about you?  One of my best friends, Kim McFall is always telling me to just be me.  “Other people’s opinion doesn’t matter, Rob…” she says, “you work on pleasing you and God.”  This is the kind of advice we ought to give the people we love.  Faith is about believing in the unseen.  We see man…and all his flaws.  Faith needs to be in what we don’t see, which is God’s promise.  The evidence of his power is all around us.  Wonder is what the magic of faith is all about.  Learn to wonder what great things He has in store for you. 

Finally, impatience is the other barrier.  We get tired of waiting and so we try and create our own destiny.  I have been very open about my struggles with patience and with taking matters into my own hands.  I jokingly told a colleague the other day that I will never pray for patience because that means I will have to learn to wait longer.  My good buddy, Austin Brown, a very bright young man, wrote me an email tonight congratulating me on an exciting new opportunity with my writing.  He was commenting on the power of prayer and pointed out that he guessed the patience that I claim not to have has paid off.  He is so right.  All this time I have been praying and pressing along, God was preparing the next stretch of highway.  That’s the thing about prayer and patience; before you know it, you have reached your destiny.

Love to you all….

The Yellow Table

One of the root causes of depression is grief.  When someone we love that is really close to us passes away, it’s very difficult to deal with their absence and it can cause the chemical imbalance which results in depression.  I have heard many religious people say that if you are a Christian, you should have no worries because you will see your loved one again.  It is certainly true that we will see them again, but it doesn’t stop the heart from hurting and missing someone.  A colleague’s wife read a recent article I wrote on depression and she sent me a beautiful letter encouraging me.  She too is a member of the Church of Christ, so we have similar beliefs on a wide range of topics.  In regards to the death of a loved one, she wrote, “I like to think of a loved one’s passing as this, they took a different car to the family reunion, so they got there before me.  I don’t know when my car will arrive, but I know they will already be at the feast waiting.”  I thought it was so poignant and special.  It inspired me to write about family reunions and the “feast” with loved ones.

I have written many things in the past about my granny, Bertie Mae Cochran.  I was blessed to have two other grandmothers as well who equally influenced my life.  The best cook in the land was my Dad’s mother, Ruth Mae Goodwin.  I will refer to her as Maw Maw, as she was affectionately known by our family.  Maw Maw lived in a quaint little cottage in the Boiling Springs community of Ohatchee.  She was a short and somewhat stocky woman with a huge personality.  Huge!  Maw Maw was a long time member of the Ohatchee Church of Christ where I now attend.  In fact, she and my grandfather, Floyd Wesley Goodwin were founding members.

My Paw Paw died when I was only six years old, but I had my beautiful Maw Maw until I was thirty.  She is partially responsible for my pudgy physique through high school and my early twenties.  You never visited her without eating.  She and my mother may have had ups and downs along the way, but they agreed on something very special in our family…Sunday dinner! 

After church on Sunday we would gather at the little house with the big yard and have the most wonderful meals.  Certain things linger in my mind about Maw Maw’s house.  She had this seventies yellow top table that I loved.  I wish I could find one now, because in my mind, it was the perfect table for southern cuisine.  We would gather around and have the best peas, okra, potatoes, tomatoes, pork chops, etc.  In addition to a meat and about seven vegetables at every meal, Maw Maw made the best homemade biscuits.  She would take her time cooking them.  I used to love watching her knead the dough and roll them out.  We would talk up a storm while she worked.  The final trimming on the dinner that I loved the most was her lemon pound cake drizzled with lemon icing.  She always knew it was my favorite.  She made one for my 21^st birthday and I ate the entire thing all by myself.

I am not a Goodwin by birth.  My biological family is Gowens, however, when my mother married into the Goodwin family shortly after I turned three years old, they took ownership of me.  Maw Maw never treated me any differently than her other grandchildren.  In fact, I sometimes think she worked much harder to make sure I knew how much she loved me.  During the summer when we were out of school she would come and stay for a whole week at our house.  She was best friends with Bertie Mae, so you can imagine what kind of spiritual influence I had with two Church of Christ grandmothers raising me.  Maw Maw had this wonderful laugh that I can still hear to this day.  Every time she would come and stay at our house, I would put a record on the player of one of Minnie Pearl’s stand up routines and just sit and watch Maw Maw shake with laughter.  We created so many wonderful memories that I can reach in the back of my mind today and rely on when things get hard.

Like most people, I have made many mistakes in my life, but I know Maw Maw was one of my biggest fans.  Every time I stand in the pulpit at the Ohatchee Church of Christ, I know that she is smiling down from Heaven saying to the others…”that’s Ray’s boy, my grandson!”

When our hearts become heavy and we long to be with those who were called up to be with the Father before us, it’s important to dwell on the happy times rather than the sadness.  Sometimes it’s a daily struggle for me, but it’s good to know that I can close my eyes and still see, smell, and hear my beautiful grandmothers.  What a great feast it will be around the table in Heaven.  I can’t wait to visit Maw Maw there and sit around her yellow table and rejoice for eternity.  Never forget how great and wonderful God is and because of the sacrifice Jesus made, we will be reunited in Glory.

Love to you all…