The Quarterback

When we look at our lives we should realize the point we have reached is the sum total of where we have been, who we have met, and what experiences God has allowed us to enjoy.  I think it is easeier said that done, but it is certainly best not to have any regrets and just be appreciative of all the good things that have shaped our lives.  I recently met with a homeopathic doctor who told me when a person dwells on the negative experiences of their past, it is one of the most detrimental behaviors.  It can affect your physical health as well as mental.  He suggested that when I begin to drift into a negative state of mind, I attempt to "re-write" my own history.  He told me to pretend it's a movie in my mind and I am replacing the bad scenes with good ones.  When I finally reach a point where my mind doesn't drift to those negative places, I will realize that regardless of the bad, I still ended up in a great place.  I am right where God wants me to be, or at least I am headed where He wants me to go.

When we think about our past, it is always better to dwell on the positive.  I am grateful to have known some wonderful people and enjoyed some amazing friendships.  My friends certainly have a great deal of influence over me and I will always be thankful for the Lord's blessing of such outstanding Christian examples.  In High School I struggled with bullying like many kids do.  Young people can be insecure and when others are the least bit cruel it has a great deal of effect on our self esteem.  Most people have a desire to be popular during their teenage years, we don't realize at that age just how trivial it all is.

As a freshman in college I met one of those people who would leave a lasting impression on my life.  Tim Townsend was a former Quarterback from Hokes Bluff High School.  We met in 1991 while both studying at the Jacksonville State University School of Business.  Tim stood about 6' 1" so he sort of towered over me.  He had a great sense of humor and an immense love for Alabama football.  We began hanging out int he same group of friends: Ken Bryant, Jimmy Gables, Blaine Minton, David Wooten, etc.  Several of those guys were friends of Tim's from HB and Ken and I had graduated from Pleasant Valley.  It was my first time to really have a great group of guy friends.  In high school I was timid and had low self-esteem for various reasons.  This was a great change for me.

My  Step-Dad had taught me a lot about Alabama football and I enjoyed traveling to games with these guys.  In 1992, while we were Sophomores, JSU won their national championship as did Alabama.  It was a banner year for Gamecock and Tide fans.  Tim became a great mentor for me.  Both of us had come from divorced homes and had estranged relationhsips with our Dads.  He also helped me to reconcile with my brother who had been separated from our family for about six years.  Tim was a great Christian friend with a strong work ethic.  He worked as a bagger at Gregerson's grocery store all through college.  When were not working, we were on the road to a football game or cruising Broad Street in Gadsden.

After college as we both began to progress in our careers, Tim married his longtime sweetheart, Kelly Peek.  Kelly is a sweet southern girl.  A little younger than Tim and yet very mature.  Kelly was the perfect match for Tim and he was so excited to start their family together.  She was the love of his life.

About three months after their marriage in 1998, Tim was diagnosed with kidney cancer.  We were all devastated and surprised at his diagnosis.  Tim had been so athletic as a young man.  He was so outgoing and vibrant.  Tim endured a very serious surgery in which the tumor split and things got really scary.  It was hard to see the leader of our group facing such a medical crisis. Fortunately he survived the surgery and began his recovery.  It was not the best way to start a new marriage, but Tim and Kelly were so strong.  They had an undeniable love for each other and truly stood firmly together.  They found the positive in every situation.

Over the course of the next ten years, Tim and Kelly had three beautiful girls.  Tim continued to fight reoccuring cancer.  Our lives would head in different directions, but as the leader of the team he always kept in contact and we would reunite occasionally and share great memories.  I remember having lunch one day and telling Tim how sad I was for what all he was going through and the battle that he and Kelly endured ever since their wedding.  He was strong and adamant that this was part of his journey.  He was confident in God's plan and so determined to live a great life and be a wonderful example to his children.  I am sure on the inside and within the privacy of his closest relationships he had to wonder why, but outwardly, he never questioned.

In 2006, I was living on Lake Wedowee and Tim was working as an auditor for the state of Alabama.  He occassionally came to Randolph County for work and we made plans for him to stay over with me.  We sat up most of the night talking about all of our memories from school and our early twenties.  We talked about my depression and how difficult it was for me to handle things, when I felt he was going through so much more than I.   He told me that God designs a journey for each of us.  He said we all have burdens to bear and a purpose to influence others.  Tim never judged me for being weaker than the rest of our friends.  He always looked out for me and filled in as a big brother.  He pushed me to pursue my dreams of writing, speaking and climbing the coproprate ladder.  Most of all he encouraged me to keep God at the forefront of my life regardless of what path I took.

I have never seen such a longer line at a funeral home than when my friend passed away.  He impacted so many people and was loved by everyone.  On a football team the Quarterback is the leader.  He is generally the most respected.  A successful QB is well protected by the other players.  As I looked around the room at all the guys who had played on Tim's team over the years I realized that we all would share one major thing in common the rest of our lives.  We all became better men because of his friendship and influence.  All stronger because of his leadership.

It's been several years since we said goodbye to Tim.  I have no doubt that he has been in the football stands of Heaven cheering on the Tide the last few seasons.  I know he didn't want to leave his wife and daughters.  I know he wanted to be there for his mother, brothers and all of us.  Tim understood God had a greater plan and he was always willing to submit to His will.  He would want everyone he loved to be happy for him and to realize that he had achieved the ultimate reward a little earlier than the rest of us.

The weaker kid doesn't alwasy outlive the Quarterback.  Because I was lucky enough to have a friend like Tim, I owe it to God, Tim, and myself to be the best I can and to dwell on those good memories when times get hard, not the bad ones.  If the Quarterback could say one thing it would be "here's the ball, now run!"

Love to you all.

Self Esteem Factor

Why is it that we are always so concerned what other people think of us?  Why do we define our own success based on the approval or opinnion of others?  It's a common character flaw that most people deal with from time to time.  I would like to think the need to please everyone else lessens as we mature, but I am not sure it applies in all cases.  Self esteem is a key factor in battling any sort of chemical imbalance.  It's crucial to have a high enough opinion of ourselves to outweigh what negative thoughts others may have.

Another form of weakness that some feel is paranoia.  When we doubt ourselves, we start to believe that others are doubting even more.  I have done this to myself many times.  I have defined my own success through comparison to what someone else has accomplished.  Oh, if Joe Cool over there has that big job and that new home and car, he must think I am a failure???  The truth is that Joe Cool is probably wishing there was something different about himself as well.  He may be looking at me thinking, "wish I was more like Rob when it comes to this or that."

Chemical imbalances can play tricks on our thoughts.  One negative thought can turn into a huge obstacle.  Sort of like my mother has always told me, "you make mountains out of molehills."

God's Word tells us not to covet one another.  Our interpretation of that may only apply to material posessions, but God meant it to apply to every aspect of life.  If we admire someone'e great personality, it's okay to strive to be like that person.  In fact, as Christians hopefully we do influence each other in positive ways.  The important thing is not to look at someone else's good habits and think of it as a stumbling block in our own lives.  "Oh, I will never be like that.  I don't have what it takes to be as good as him."  View the good qualities of others as motivation or an example of how you can improve.

When my mother and step-dad allowed me to start driving and going out with friends, I would always stop by Granny's porch and let her "see me" before leaving.  She would always pray for my safety on the road and then give me her advice about surrounding myself with good people.  She would always ask me who I was hanging out with.  My best friend in school and college was Ken Bryant.  He is probably one of the best men to ever enter my life.  He's down to earth, respectable, honorable, and just a regular good ole boy.  He was a great influence on me.  I used to tell Granny, "I am a lot meaner than anyone I am hanging out with."  I am not sure if this was an exaggeration or not, but I said this because I was a pretty decent kid and I wanted my Granny to know that my friends were all better people than me.  I said this trying to be humble.  In my opinion Ken is a much better person than me.  He is smart, talented, has a beautiful wife and three amazing kids, but I don't covet him.  I am happy for him.  He deserves all the happiness life can give.  Where I am wrong is thinking all of Ken's accomplishments make him better than me.  He would be the first to stand up and say Rob Goodwin is a great man.  You see, humility is a good thing, but not if we allow it to diminish our self esteem to a point that it contributes to our depression.

Having a high enough opinion of ourselves so that we can accomplish good things is important.  Every time I have failed in my life it is becaause I willed myself to do that.  I have a very bad habit of waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Realism is good, but pessimism is not!  Anything worth having takes work and you have to start out with an attitude of victory not failure.  This is a lesson I am learning with maturity.

The poeple who love us the most in this world suffer when we put ourselves down.  Think about the one person that you love more than anyone else, your mate or a child.  Maybe it is your parent or a best friend.  What if they constantly demeaned themselves or pointed out their flaws to a point that it held them back in life?  It would make you sad.  You woudln't like that.  We have to think of others when we are developing and implementing our outlook on life.

One last thing I want to say about this subject is that we can't blame other people for our situations or  low self esteem.  God says do not put your faith in man.  Don't let your attitude or approach to life rest in how someone else feels about you.  We don't all click with one another.  We don't all have the same chemstry as friends.  Some people don't appreciate my honesty or openness about my disease, but that doesn't mean I will change who I am.  I follow what 's in my heart and what is in God's plan.  The notes of encouragment and the thank yous push me forward and strongly outweigh anyones distaste for me.

God is the architect of our lives.  He has the plan, but He gives us the tools to build.  He is the designer, but we do the painting.  We decide the strokes and the colors.  Be thankful for the self control and freedom we are blessed with. Follow God's lead, not what your neighbor, co-worker, or friend has done.

Maybe it's all the vitamin D from the sunshine I have gotten today, but I love myself.  I am proud of what I am doing.  I believe it's what God designed.  I know in my heart the same applies to you as well.  Love to you all.

Myra Nell, Southern Belle

The first time I went to dinner at the home of Myra Nell McElroy I was smitten by her traditional hospitality.  Nell, as she is affectionately known by her friends and loved ones lives in a beautiful brick rancher, situated prominently on a tree-lined street in Weaver, AL.  A visitor immediately feels warm and right at home at Nell’s place.  She is the ideal hostess.  A tall, slim, Miss America-type lady, Nell is beautiful both inside and out.  She loves to smile and chuckle and her best friend is Josiah, a magnificent large collie.

From a very young age my grandmothers taught me to respect intelligent and caring women.  Nell, although not old enough to be my grandmother, is like a second Mom to me.  In fact, next to her sons Mark and Mike, she calls me her third.  Although delicate and demure it would seem, Myra Nell is the kind of person you can talk to about anything.  Her heart is made of gold and her shoulder of iron!  After rearing two great men, Nell lost the love of her life, Maron “Mac” McElroy when she was just shy of 60 years old.  Having lived over 20 years as a widow, Nell has endured her share of life’s trials.  She is also a cancer survivor.  She is an example of faith, determination, and an unbreakable spirit.

On Sunday mornings when I arrive at the Ohatchee Church of Christ, I am greeted with a smile and a hug from my special friend.  We have been sitting together on “our pew” for several years now.  Last October, Nell and I shared an incredible loss.  Our dear friend Jean Chappell went on to her great reward and we have both missed her terribly.  Jean took both of us in as family.  After losing my grandmother in 2003, both Nell and Jean stepped up and became wonderful spiritual counselors to me.  Many nights I have spent in the McElroy living room telling stories, praying, laughing, crying, and sharing all emotions with my dear sweet friend. 

Myra Nell enjoys her home.  She is proud of both Mike and Mark and their families.  She loves her grandchildren, great-grandchildren and extended family, but she is happiest right there in Weaver with Josiah.  She is one of those true southern belles who cleans house every day, always has a slice of cake to serve her guests, and speaks in an articulate drawl that makes you proud to be from the Heart of Dixie.

Friendship is a blessing from God.  We are all born into families that we love and appreciate, but throughout life’s journey relationships evolve because God sees a need.  I am so fortunate to have the kind of friend in Myra Nell who loves me unconditionally.  Serving our Father yields so many great rewards in addition to our salvation.  God wants us to be happy, prosperous and healthy while on earth.  He gives us these angelic friendships to make our journey a little better…a little safer.  No one can face trial or hardship alone, it’s always better to endure with a friend beside you.  Whatever your struggle might be, lean on your friends.  Let God work in your life through the influence of others. 

Ask yourself what you can do to thank your friends who are always there for you.  When we do things for others who make our lives so much sweeter, we are doing the Will of God.  Friendship is a resource to learn to love.  It’s the emotion we will enjoy in eternity, so why not get used to it now?  My friend Myra Nell has a favorite restaurant.  She becomes giddy when invited to Red Lobster.  I think I will call her right now and extend an invitation.  Love to you all.