When I spoke publicly for the first time about my personal battle with depression and my advocacy for others with the same struggles, my mission was to remove the shameful stigma attached with the disease. I stood before two hundred or so of my brothers and sisters in Christ and poured my heart out about my deepest secrets. It was painful for my family and those who loved me to hear the thoughts I had actually entertained. The amount of support I received was astonishing, because I had always feared the worst. I spoke matter of fact about my rearing in the church and being taught that depression was a sign of weakness in faith. I disputed that teaching. I am going to stand before the same group in another week or so, plus a few more, and I have decided to communicate the message that faith is a factor.
Depression is not caused by a lack of faith, but certainly can lead to weakness in that area. In order to illustrate that point, I am going to have to make it personal. I certainly don’t want to offend anyone with the intimate details, but when I started this mission to serve God, spread my testimony and perhaps save the lives of others, I conquered my fears of embarrassment. The people I have been fortunate to meet over the last four to five years on this journey share much of the same outlook as I do. Once again, we did not become depressed because we distrusted or had little faith in God; however, we have suffered moments of weak faith during our emotional cycles. I want to help others learn how to pull themselves out of the situation that causes weak faith and learn to become even stronger in their relationship with God.
Depression and Bipolar disorder is not something I woke up with one morning. It has been an illness I have dealt with my entire life; however, it went undiagnosed for many years, just as people often go undiagnosed for illnesses like Fibromyalgia, Diabetes, or Heart Disease. A mental illness is harder to diagnose because you can’t exactly pinpoint it with a blood test, MRI, or regular office exam. It takes a lot of discussion, documenting symptoms and trial and error. It is proven that it can be hereditary. When my first significant adult manic episode occurred, I was twenty eight years old and a youth minister, bible school teacher and on the publishing team for a major Christian magazine. My career was at an all time high, I was financially stable and tithing more than ever had before. My faith was strong publicly and privately. As the depression began to increase, every aspect of my life began to fall apart. I began to make impulsive and negative decisions with career, relationships and of course I began to distance myself from God. I did not blame God for my declining happiness and increasing stress, I just stopped going to Him in prayer for help and I started making excuses for skipping church services.
Over the course of the next few years I covered up episodes and deceived my family, friends and coworkers. I couldn’t deceive God regardless of how hard I tried. When a man becomes a Christian, the Holy Spirit dwells within him and I believe that life gets harder when you turn away after obeying the Gospel rather than if you had never known God. He loves us so much that He will do whatever it takes to bring us home. Naturally, the more I lost faith, the harder it was to cope. As I reflect now, it occurs to me just how much of a factor faith is when dealing with depression. If I had reached out sooner, let me rephrase that, if I had reached up sooner to God, my actual path to better health could have been shorter and less rocky.
Throughout my life I have heard many preachers tell me they felt called to preach. Many women tell me they feel called to teach. My cousin Sherry has a beautiful soprano voice, and she tells me that she feels called to sing as part of her ministry. You never really understand the true meaning of what you are “called” to do until the passion is so strong in your heart that you know God put it there. I know without any doubt that God intends for me to remain an advocate for emotional wellness. He wants me to use my experiences, open mind, and talents to make a difference and shine for Him.
I will be speaking again on Sunday June 26 at the Ohatchee Church of Christ morning services. I invite anyone who needs to open their hearts and minds to the Lord and allow Him to put you on the path to recovery. If you are affected by an emotional illness directly or indirectly by a loved one who suffers, whether you understand the disease or not, it can’t be ignored. Depression can be a matter of life or death. Pray for yourselves and loved ones. Please share this blog and help me reach as many of God’s children as possible.
Faith is a factor. In my story, it was the determining factor that saved my life. Love to you all.
No comments:
Post a Comment