Finding Home

The last couple of entries in Emotional Victory have been extremely sad and I am thankful for all of my friends and readers who have been patient with me through the struggle of this cycle.  As I have written many times, living with Bipolar disorder, you just never know what kind of mood you are going to be in or what kind of productivity you will have, for me that is especially true on the personal side.  I have a strong work ethic and do my best to put forth as much effort daily to accomplish what I need to in my career, but I don’t always take care of my family and friends the way I should.  I allow my sadness to affect them too much.  So in this entry I am going to celebrate some family and friends who have been such a light in my life.  I want to take you on a happy journey, but one that so many can probably relate to in a day and time where there are millions of blended families.

In the description of my blog I use my entire legal name, Robert Gowens Goodwin.  Goodwin is of course my legal last name and is the name of my mother, the father who raised me, my siblings, etc.  The Goodwin family took me in at the young age of three and my aunts Irma and Barbara will tell you proudly that I belong to them and always have.  My grandparents on the Goodwin side, Floyd and Ruth were incredibly special to me.  My cousins are wonderful and I love them all.

The middle name, Gowens, is actually my biological father’s last name.  He and my mother divorced when I was two years old.  His name is Robert also, and it was his personal decision to give up full parental rights.  He never had another biological child, although he did marry several times and have step-children.  All of my youth, I did not have a relationship with my paternal grandparents either.  I wouldn’t have known them if I saw them in the street.  I had no pictures, no idea what they looked like at all.  My Dad would visit every few years, but I will say I only ended up seeing him probably about ten times from the time he left in 1974 until he died in 1997.  My mother and I had one main connection to the Gowens family and that was my Dad’s sister, Sylvia McFall.  I am going to refer to her as Wormy, because that is her nickname in the family because she is so tiny, so I called her Aunt Wormy, and to this day, she is still Wormy to me.  She and her husband, Uncle Mac, and their two kids, Greg and Donna remained close to me throughout my youth.  They loved my mother as well and even my stepfather.  When my little sister Becky was born they actually took her right in and made her their cousin and niece as well.  She grew up thinking she had an Aunt Wormy just like me.  I was blessed to have this biological connection and they are loving people to care for me so much.

I met my grandmother on the Gowens side officially for the first time at my high school graduation.  My grandfather had passed away a few years earlier.  Even though my Dad and I did not have a relationship, she and I began to build one, and I called her Granny Gowens.  At the age of 25, in 1997, my Aunt Wormy called in the middle of the night and let us know that my Dad had passed away at the age of 55 from a massive heart attack.  We had spoken on the phone about a year earlier but hadn’t seen each other in seven years.  My Mom and I went immediately to my Granny Gowens house where Wormy and her brother, my Uncle Gary were.  Gary and his family had kept in touch somewhat as well, so I knew him a little.  The next day, I went back to my grandmother’s house to spend the day while my Dad’s current wife and stepchildren planned his funeral.  For the first time in my life I met my Dad’s older brother Glennis.  We hit it off immediately.  He is very educated and got his MBA at Alabama and was a VP of Engineering at Alabama Power.  His wife Dene worked as an office manager for a chain of psychiatric clinics in north Alabama and they currently live in Hanceville on a huge 40 acre farm.  They also have two children, Michele and Mikele that are my first cousins.  Over the last fourteen years I have been able to make up for lost time with this family because they took me right in.  We all realized how much we had missed out on by not spending time together.  My uncle Glennis told me he was so impressed with me and how intelligent I was and all that stuff, and of course someone like me that is exactly what I needed to hear.  He taught me how to dove hunt and he gives great financial advice.  It was sad that it took my Dad’s passing to bring us together, but for the first time in my life, I found the people that I look like.  I don’t favor anyone on my Mom’s side, I look exactly like the Gowens family, and my uncle Glennis and his kids look just like we all belong together and we do!  I am so thankful I had those years with my Granny Gowens before she passed away, and now that I have my ongoing relationship with Glennis and Dene, and my cousins Michele and Mikele and his wife Christy.  They are so wonderful to me.  In fact, Michele was staying with me for the weekend when my brother Tony was killed, she had traveled to hear me speak at church the next day and it was a blessing from God that she was with me at the time to help with my mother and me.  Glennis and Dene rushed to our side the next day as well.

I still continue to have a great relationship with Wormy and her family.  Donna and I are close and write to each other often.  Greg and his wife Kim McFall are very close.  Kim is one of my absolute best friends and I can go to her with anything and she won’t judge me, she is encouraging and motivating and actually serves as one of my editors for my book.  She checks in on me almost every day and we truly treat each other like siblings. 

When we lose people that we love or our lives don’t exactly turn out the all-American way that we think they should, God has a way of redirecting things and lining up our paths so that we can find the joy and inspiration that we need.  He blessed me with a family who raised me and called me their own when they didn’t have to, and he also made a way for me to reunite with blood relatives that feels like “coming home” every time I am around them, or look at them. 

In this day and time, there are a lot of blended families and a lot of step-parents/sibling relationships.  The best advice I can give anyone is always do what is best for the children and don’t ever say anything negative in front of them.  It’s important for a child of a broken home to know that they are loved and are not the cause of any problems.  It’s important for them to see a step-parent as a blessing and see cooperation and cohesive relationships between parents when there is a divorce.  It’s the only way to prevent long term and severe emotional issues.  As an advocate for emotional wellness, I can tell you from personal experience that a child will take personal responsibility for everything that goes wrong in a family whether they tell you or not.  As adults, it’s our responsibility to turn negative situations into positive ones and make children feel safe and “at home” in whatever family environment they encounter. 

Tonight I am praying there is a  positive way to influence blended families, if pride and anger can just be left to the side; therefore,  everyone be convinced that for the sake of the children, you behave the way God expects us to all the time.  For any children out there who are missing biological parents and wondering why they were left or why situations happen, just remember God has a purpose for us all and for all situations, and when we pray and trust in him the answers will come.  We will all find our way home!

Love to you all.