The commercials for antidepressants always say depression
hurts...and not only those who have the disease, but the loved ones as
well. This is such a true
statement. Over the course of the last
several years, I have had just as many family members of depressed people reach
out to me for advice as those who have the disease. As much as I understand what a hopeless
feeling depression is, I can only imagine how a caregiver, mate, friend, or
family member would feel helpless. Today, a very sweet friend and former
colleague reached out to me about a family member and it inspired me to try and
explore a little deeper into the subject of treating depression when you are
not the one who is depressed.
The first piece of advice I can give is to have
compassion. If you are reading this, or
researching depression, then you obviously already believe it is a real medical
issue and can be very dangerous. Realize
that depression can seriously alter someone's quality of life, just as any
physically obvious illness would. Please
don't judge the person. Understand they
probably have lost complete control over their emotions and will not be able to
regain an ability to cope until they seek professional or spiritual help. If you have not already reviewed my article,
"Faith Is A Factor," be sure to read it and understand that
depression harms the faith of a person, but they didn't beccome depressed
because they lacked faith. This clarity
will keep you from judging your loved one too harshly.
Next you need to have patience. Depression can change daily. If your loved one is bipolar, their mood
swings can go up and down hourly, daily, weekly, etc. This is known as rapid cycling. You may feel frusturated because one day
progress seems to occur and then another day there is regression. This is comomon and truly needs to be
expected. I toured three states last
summer and gave a number of speeches on battling depression and I am sure it
appeared to most that I had gotten my act together. I would still go home every day and
crash. My brother was brutally killed in
a car crash at the beginning of my tour and even though I continued to speak,
my moods cycled daily. Patience is difficult
when someone you love can display anger, bitterness, sadness, and other emotions
that can be taken personally, especially if directed at you. Please don't give up. They will need you to withstand the
destructive behavior they may exude.
Seeking professional help is a must if an episode lasts for
more than two weeks. Prolonged phases of
inactivity, crying, mood swings, or destructive behavior is a clear sign of a
chemical imbalaance. Many people with
manic depression and bipolar disorder will become impuslive, dangerous,
permiscuous, and obviously plan or even attempt suicide. Most physicians will recommend outpatient
treatment if a person has a good suppport system at home, but inpatient
programs are necessary depending on the severity of the episode. When seeking medical help, you must encourage
your loved one to be honest about every feeling and symptom they are
having. Since there are no blood tests
to determine depression, symptoms and a record of feelings is imperative in
gaining a proper diagnosis. They should
also understand that effective treatment takes trial and error. Medications may only work for short periods
of time before enhancements have to be made.
Again, it depends on the severity.
In addition to professional medical treatment, I am a firm believer in
spiritual guidance. Too many times
doctors are overbooked and are in a hurry and unable to spend the quality time
listening to a depressed patient. A
minister, fellow Christian, or licensed counselor are good options. If the depressed person will allow friends or
family to accompany them to counseling sessions it will make it easier for the
support system to understand the root of the problems. If your loved one insists on going alone,
allow them to do so, because it is necessary to seek this help. Still, always follow up to be sure they
follow through.
Finally, you need to be as encouraging as possible. A person suffering from depression needs a
consistent shoulder to lean on. I have
had relationships with friends in the past where I would actually just call
them up and say "you talk and I will just listen." I would hold the phone and sob, but it helped
me to hear the friend just make small talk until I composed myself enough to
speak. It's crucial that you assure your
loved one you are not going anywhere. As
a bipolar man, I can tell you that the smallest of incidents can trigger a
manic episode for me, so knowing that my closest loved ones are standing firm
nearby to love without judgment keeps me safe.
I have said many times, emotional pain is more intense and
agonizing than any physical ailment I have ever endured. Your willingness to practice compassion,
patience, and encouragement is more than rhetoric. It's medicine blessed by God and it stays
true to His Word. I hope that you have
found some helpful information and encouragement in knowing that your pain is
recognized. Loving and caring for
someone who has major depression is draining and frustrating beyone words. There is hope....you are that hope. Please let me know if I can help in any
way. You can help me by sharing this
article and reaching as many as possible who need to see that glimmer of light
in the darkness. God's favor shines
brighter than any personal darkness.
Love to you all.
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