Living The Best Life Possible

For many years I have billed myself as a columnist and blogger on the topic of “overcoming depression,” but the truth is I haven’t overcome anything, I am right slap dab in the middle of it.  I gave my first public speech on the topic of depression and Christianity in 2007 at the Ohatchee Church of Christ.  My friend and Minister, Wayne Dunaway had encouraged me for months that the Church and the World needed to hear my story and my views.  For almost 7 years now my battle has been more public than private.  It can be overwhelming, but it’s the right thing to do.

One of my favorite supervisors and mentors of all time is a lady named Betty Hamrick.  She is probably one of very few people in this world who can walk the talk every day, day in and out.  She is a widow, a mother of 3, and a grandmother.  She is also a tremendously successful businesswoman with the motto, “I stay above reproach.”  To simplify that motto, she just tries to do everything the right way. Her words, leadership, and example have followed me for many years and sometimes I succeed at trying to be like her and sometimes I fail miserably. 

One of the greatest benefits of being a born-again Christian is that you understand and appreciate the gift of Salvation!  Every day is a new day. God created us to be exactly who we are.  The strengths and weaknesses that I possess are different from those of anyone else.  I can’t be Betty every day, but she was placed on my path in life to teach me to strive to improve where I need to.

I know in my heart that I am doing the right thing talking about depression.  One in three Americans will face a major depression in their lifetime.  For some of us it is not temporary, it is a disease that has no cure.  It is an illness that can be managed, better sometimes, and worse others.  I am not champion or leader beyond what anyone else is, but I do recognize that God gave me a talent.  He gave me the ability and the strong desire to write and speak publicly.  It would be narcissistic of me to write and speak about space travel, art, design, construction, or other things that I know nothing about.  However, I know plenty about depression, I live with it day in and day out. 

My depression is so bad at times that I can barely get out of bed.  I make grandiose plans the night before.  I tell myself “you will get up at 5 AM and write three chapters, work out for an hour, drink a pot of coffee and watch Fox and Friends, all before going to work a 12 hour day.”  Sadly, when the alarm sounds, I can’t muster the energy to crawl from my security spot…my bed.  Most nights I toss and turn until the wee hours of the morning, only falling asleep from pure exhaustion.  I ache in my back, neck, shoulders and legs from self-induced stress and tension.  I think about how much time I have wasted in my life fighting this disease then I think how it would have been over so many years ago if I had not been willing to fight.  God is preparing something.  He is using me for something.  In my heart, I just know that there is a reason I am experiencing more, learning more, and becoming less and less inhibited. 

Jesus is my Savior and I am a very faith-driven and religious man, strong in all my convictions and brave in battle against those who would criticize faith.  Even though, I struggle daily, prayer is my medicine and God is my healer.  Publicly discussing a mental disorder may be frowned upon by some “religious” leaders and organizations, but we can’t allow that to keep us from helping one another and reaching our potential as God’s children.  Being a Christian who also suffers from depression is a gift.  It is a responsibility just as any Christian diagnosed with heart disease or cancer.  We must stand up and use our faith and encourage others to turn to God in all things.  Christians have the ability to turn negatives into positives and reach so many people that non-believers or naysayers can’t reach.  My good friend and sister in Him, Gina Brown once told me that I continue to experience everything I do so that I can be more compassionate to others who have even worse symptoms.  I believe this.  I aspire to help others.

I would be deceiving you if I didn’t say there is another reason I am so public about my struggles.  I do it for personal accountability.  As frightening as it was for me to tell everyone I love and respect that I battle depression and suffer from Bipolar disorder, it is not as frightening as realizing that you have the ability and desire to plan your own death.  Fortunately for me since I have become so outspoken, I have become more accountable to the friends and loved ones in my life and it limits my ability when I am in those dark places to contemplate suicide. 

I have been doing more research for a speaking tour at my job and there are staggering numbers about youth suicides.  Over 4,600 adolescents die each year from suicide because they think there is no other way out of a bad situation.  For anyone who lives with depression and has a strong will to live and help others, we must do something about these statistics.  This is happening in our own country and it is a mistake to stand by and allow these children to die. 

The best intervention advice I can give is in 3 simple steps.  The first is talk about it.  A person suffering must be willing to say it out loud and tell their story to others.  The more people they can tell, the more accountable they are, the safer they become.  The second step is to pray daily as many times as possible and get everyone in their circle to pray for victory.  God must be a daily factor in your recovery!  Finally, do the research and seek the kind of help you need.  It’s different for each individual but the necessity of seeking help is equally critical for everyone.  It will not get better on it’s own.  There are many options including antidepressants, herbs, talk therapy, etc. 

Please share this blog with anyone you know who might suffer from depression or any mental illness.  There is no shame in living the best life you possibly can!

Love to you all…

A Better Plan...

If you are reading one of my blogs for advice or to better understand your own mental condition or that of someone else, keep in mind that I am a lay person.  I am not a professional counselor (yet).  I am a person who has experienced mental disorder for approximately 36 years and has been professionally treated for about 12 years.  I say that so that you can understand it is okay to disagree with me if your medical professional has given you different advice.  What works for one person may not be the same for others.  Having said that, if you struggle with your current plan, then maybe what I have been through will be helpful to you.

I always explain to anyone who suffers from a form of depression that medical care can be frustrating.  It takes a lot of trial and error to determine what is your best course of action, especially if a prescription is part of your plan.  In addition, you may find that a particular dose of something only works about three months at a time before the dosage must be adjusted.  Depending on the severity of your condition, you may have been on the same anti-depressant, or “nerve medication” for a long time and see no need for change.  If that fits you…great, you are fortunate.

When I first started seeing Psychiatrists I was grateful for the help, but I was alarmed at just how fast and frequent they wrote prescriptions.  I found it very frustrating to be in the office of a doctor and after only five minutes of talking, they were pulling out their pen and script pad.  Everyone who knows me realizes that I can’t say all I need to say in five minutes.  It takes a while!  Ha!  I need more time and it honestly took a while for some of my doctors to realize that I was Bipolar because they would not listen to me after five minutes.  I went through a great deal of rapid cycling, but they would only treat me for what they heard me say in the short time they allotted me to speak.  I was very confused because I had a vision of a couch and an hour-long session…that is not the case for most Psychiatrists.  You sit in a chair across from their desk.  They herd you in and out just like your MD does…more patients to bill.

I understood the concept of trial and error, but I had serious reactions to medications.  One “anti-psychotic” script actually had me so out of it I had to crawl to the bed within ten minutes of taking it and I had horrible hallucinations.  Well maybe not so horrible, one time I was married to Dolly Parton in one of those conscious dreams.  I won’t even get into what transpired.  You get my point about the wrong meds.

At one point I was on so much lithium that it caused one of my kidneys to stop functioning.  Not good. 

I am an advocate for anti-depressants.  I don’t want to sound like I am trying to talk people out of it.  They save lives.  In my humble opinion, you have to be the person in control of what you are taking.  You have to journal; track all symptoms and have a medical professional willing to listen to all that you have to say.   He or she should care about the side effects and the feelings you are having, i.e. sleep patterns, etc.  Getting control of my meds was one of the best things I could have ever done.  It put me on the road to recovery as well as my faith and my support group.  Whatever your diagnosis, research it.  Become an expert in your own mind.  It’s your healthcare and you should be the smartest person you know regarding that disease.  It empowers you.

My family medical practitioner became one of the greatest resources for my depression and bipolar disorder.  Dr. Russell Ingram in Jacksonville has a great deal of knowledge of depression.  He treats many patients with varying mental illness.  He fully believes depression to be a medical condition.  With Dr. Ingram’s help, I was able to walk away from a great deal of medication that others had prescribed.  I won’t criticize them and say they were all wrong, but they were not working for me.  Later I added a homeopathic doctor to my medical plan, Dr. Reed Sainsbury in Rainbow City.  He treated me as a whole patient.  My first session with him lasted over two hours.  He charged me $25.  That is the sign of a medical professional who cares!

Today my treatment plan for depression and bipolar disorder is multi-faceted.  I see a medical physician, a homeopathic doctor, and a specialized counselor, just for me.  Did I mention she has a couch?  Guess what, all of that added together is less than some of the meds I was paying for five or six years ago.  My plan includes praying, meditation, journaling, herbs, homework, friends, etc.  Most of all, it involves a lot of talking and writing…what I do best.  I am using the talents that God gave me to overcome this disease.  Sometimes it’s an uphill battle and I feel differently from season to season…but today, I feel like I am winning.  How do you feel about your plan?

Depression or other related mental illnesses are nothing to be ashamed of.  More people have these diseases than you can imagine.  For many years society prevented us from feeling confident about publicly discussing the disease or asking for help.  If I accomplish anything, in my own part of the world, I hope to change that view. 

Take charge of your own life and your own health.  I am happy to be a resource or a support to anyone in need.  God willing…one day I just may have one of those counselor titles behind my name and I can work even more for our health!  God bless and love to you all.

This Must Be What They Call The Ocean

It was the summer of 1994 and I had been reassigned to the Huntsville area with my job. Granny (Bertie Mae) and I had never been separated. In fact she had lived directly behind my parents for the entire 22 years of my life. We talked on the phone every single night and I ventured home every off day. Finally she asked me to take her to Huntsville with me for a short visit. "I just want to see where you sit on the couch when we talk on the phone," she explained. "It will me make me feel better if I can imagine you there when you call."

I picked her up in my small white pick-up and we headed north on US 431. As we approached the town of Guntersville I explained to her that we would be crossing a lot of water and she should not be nervous. As we crossed the large bridge over Lake Guntersville (The Tennessee River), her mouth dropped and she raised up in the seat. She gasped, "this must be what they call the ocean?" I laughed a little and then realized she was serious. I asked, "Granny, have you never seen the ocean?" She replied that she had never seen anything, travel had not been a part of her life.  In her younger days, cotton fields along highway 21 were all she saw.  She never had the means to travel. Immediately the wheels in my mind began to turn.

I told my mother and other family members of my plans to take Granny to see the ocean.  They were panic-stricken at the thought of her traveling that far.  My friends laughed and asked, "you want to take your 86 year old grandmother to the beach?"  I certainly did. In my heart I knew it would be the most precious memory of the two of us.  She was thrilled when I visited her on my next off day and told her of our plans.  She practically packed her bag that day.

Two weeks later I drove her to Gulf Shores, Alabama. We stayed in a beautiful high rise hotel where all the rooms had a private balcony overlooking the beach. She couldn't tell what she was about to see when we drove in because the tall buildings along the strip blocked her view and her sight was already bad. My anxiety built like my tears are now as I write this. We rode the elevator up to our room on the 8th floor. I walked her out on the balcony and she literally stumbled backwards gasping at what she saw. She absolutely could not believe her eyes. We spent two days and nights on that balcony laughing and talking about things and enjoying God's most wonderful and beautiful creation.  Before we left, she said to me, "this is it, what I am going to imagine Heaven is like." I have had a lot of fun in my life, but nothing has ever filled my heart with joy like that trip.

Nine years later,  at the age of ninety-four, in the wee hours of an October Tuesday morning, we reached the last few moments of her life. All the family was gathered around, but I was at the head of her bed craddling her in my arms. Just before she slipped away, I whispered "I will see you at the beach."......and I surely will.  I keep a picture of the two of us strolling on the beach hand in hand on my desk at work and in my bedroom .  To me, that's what Heaven will be like; Granny and I strolling arm and arm along Heaven's shore.  Love to you all.

Don't Fear The Walk

I remember witnessing my first baptism about thirty-five years ago.  I was barely five years old. I have this vivid memory of a young teenage boy walking down the aisle at the end of Church service.  The minister, Brother Scott had just finished his sermon and offered the invitation.  The congregation sang in unison.  Granny, my cousins and I sat on the fourth bench from the front, the boy came from way in the back.  His walk seemed to take forever.  He reached the front and sat on the first bench.  The Minister and an Elder shook his hand.  He was handed a white card.  He sat trembling and appeared to be scribbling something on the paper.  Once the Church was finished singing the hymn, the Minister walked back up the three steps to the Pulpit. 

 

The baptism was quite ceremonial and there were many tears of joy throughout the congregation.  Years went by and I witnessed hundreds of people make that walk down the aisle for baptism or to make prayer requests, repent of sins, etc.  It took me a very long time to make that decision, because I was so fearful of that walk down the aisle.  How in the world could I walk in front of all those people?  I might collapse.

 

As I matured I realized it was not the walk down the aisle that I feared most.  I was afraid that I couldn't live up to the walk with Jesus and the judgment of others.

 

In 1998 at age 26 I won a local speaking competition and a bid to the Alabama Public Speaking Championships in Dothan.  I prepared a speech on the prevention of school violence.  I had always enjoyed public speaking, but had never competed until a few friends in the Glencoe Jaycees talked me into entering as a platform for my community service.  I was nervous during the competition, but polished my shoes, wore my lucky suit and delivered a great speech.  I was not surprised that I made it into the finals at state.  I planned on it.  The final round was fierce competition.  It was the best of the best.  Some of the finalists had been competing for years and while you could only win the Alabama title once, several had come close in years past and were giving it another shot.  It was my first time.  I delieverd another great speech in the final round and improptu round. 

 

The state banquet to announce the winners started at 7PM following the final day of competition.  About 15 of my colleagues and friends from the Jaycees attended the banquet.  We got there early in order to grab the best seats.  I asked them to choose the seats in the back.  If I placed in the top three, I would receive an award and I wanted to taste sweet victory for a long time.  I wanted a long walk to the podium.  I had worked hard.

 

The banquet began and several awards were given for community service, etc.  The final event was the announcement of the Alabama Amateur Public Speaking Champion for 1998.  A 2nd Runner-Up was announced followed by the 1st Runner-Up.  My heart sank, because I wanted one of those plaques and to walk that aisle with my head held high.  There was no fear in that walk.  I knew I could do it and I was driven a little by pride.  The announcer then spoke these words, "and now the winner and the person who will represent the great state of Alabama in December in Washington, D.C., sponsored by the Glencoe Jaycees, Mr. Rob Goodwin!"  Cheers erupted around me and friends began hugging me and pushing me toward the aisle.  It was probably the second greatest moment of my life.

 

I realized that I enjoy being in a crowd and "making an entrance."  My nervousness when I walked the aisle at church was because I feared the walk  with Jesus.  My fear was not the judgment of the people at the moment of my confession, but the judgment of people for the rest of my life. 

 

Since I was five years old I have struggled with Bipolar Disorder.  Obviously in the 1970s we had no idea what to call it.  Along with the mood swings come a great deal of manic depressive episodes.  One of the factors that can cause an episode is failure or letting someone I care about down.  I have always put too much pressure on myself by placing extraordinary stock in what others think.  There is but one judge.  Jesus is the Judge and the Jury, and He will not be calling any expert witnesses. 

 

Sometimes I think we don't understand how much harm we do to others by judging them.  The Word talks about not becoming a stumbling block.  It is certainly our place as Chrsitians to help others up when they fall victim to sin.  This means we are sinners helping other sinners.  Everyone has sin.  Regardless of who you are, you will never live a sinless a life.  If you think it s necessary to go to the alter every time you commit a sin, you might as well live in the church building.  God exists everywhere.  He is always with us.  Forgiveness for sins is all about the personal relationship we have with our Father.  His grace is sufficient for all. 

 

I want you to truly concentrate on this next statement.  It's not the walk with Jesus we fear, it's how others perceive and judge our walk.  If you constantly point out the sins of others and "rank them," shame on you!  Wayne Dunaway, my current Minister and very close friends alwasy says, "you go to people with love in your heart, not contempt."  In my humble opinion we could all practice a little more tolerance without necessarily having to tolerate things we don't agree with. 

 

As a man who continues to struggle from time to time about being comfortable in my own skin, celebrating my victories and forgetting my defeats, I understand the obstacles we all face.  One of the most important scriptiures in the Bible is Philippians 2:12, "...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling."  This is a directive to us from God that we are responsible personally for our own relationship with Him.  It is not our place to determine whether another person is going to Heaven.  If you are spending your time doubting if someone else is righteous, you are mentally casting stones. 

 

For those who refuse to have a relationship with God or show allegiance to the Church, or even obey His commands because all they see is hypocrisy, you are allowing others to stand in the aisle and block you.  Man should never use another person as an excuse to hinder his own relationship with the Almighty.

 

Whatever your fear or hang up may be, it's up to you to work it out with your Savior.  Let no man dictate to you how it is to be done.  Seek the truth through study.   Utilize guidance from the people who love you unconditionally.  Do what is necessary to clear the aisle and take your walk.  Take your walk with Jesus and enjoy the life He meant for you.

 

Love to you all.

The Quarterback

When we look at our lives we should realize the point we have reached is the sum total of where we have been, who we have met, and what experiences God has allowed us to enjoy.  I think it is easeier said that done, but it is certainly best not to have any regrets and just be appreciative of all the good things that have shaped our lives.  I recently met with a homeopathic doctor who told me when a person dwells on the negative experiences of their past, it is one of the most detrimental behaviors.  It can affect your physical health as well as mental.  He suggested that when I begin to drift into a negative state of mind, I attempt to "re-write" my own history.  He told me to pretend it's a movie in my mind and I am replacing the bad scenes with good ones.  When I finally reach a point where my mind doesn't drift to those negative places, I will realize that regardless of the bad, I still ended up in a great place.  I am right where God wants me to be, or at least I am headed where He wants me to go.

When we think about our past, it is always better to dwell on the positive.  I am grateful to have known some wonderful people and enjoyed some amazing friendships.  My friends certainly have a great deal of influence over me and I will always be thankful for the Lord's blessing of such outstanding Christian examples.  In High School I struggled with bullying like many kids do.  Young people can be insecure and when others are the least bit cruel it has a great deal of effect on our self esteem.  Most people have a desire to be popular during their teenage years, we don't realize at that age just how trivial it all is.

As a freshman in college I met one of those people who would leave a lasting impression on my life.  Tim Townsend was a former Quarterback from Hokes Bluff High School.  We met in 1991 while both studying at the Jacksonville State University School of Business.  Tim stood about 6' 1" so he sort of towered over me.  He had a great sense of humor and an immense love for Alabama football.  We began hanging out int he same group of friends: Ken Bryant, Jimmy Gables, Blaine Minton, David Wooten, etc.  Several of those guys were friends of Tim's from HB and Ken and I had graduated from Pleasant Valley.  It was my first time to really have a great group of guy friends.  In high school I was timid and had low self-esteem for various reasons.  This was a great change for me.

My  Step-Dad had taught me a lot about Alabama football and I enjoyed traveling to games with these guys.  In 1992, while we were Sophomores, JSU won their national championship as did Alabama.  It was a banner year for Gamecock and Tide fans.  Tim became a great mentor for me.  Both of us had come from divorced homes and had estranged relationhsips with our Dads.  He also helped me to reconcile with my brother who had been separated from our family for about six years.  Tim was a great Christian friend with a strong work ethic.  He worked as a bagger at Gregerson's grocery store all through college.  When were not working, we were on the road to a football game or cruising Broad Street in Gadsden.

After college as we both began to progress in our careers, Tim married his longtime sweetheart, Kelly Peek.  Kelly is a sweet southern girl.  A little younger than Tim and yet very mature.  Kelly was the perfect match for Tim and he was so excited to start their family together.  She was the love of his life.

About three months after their marriage in 1998, Tim was diagnosed with kidney cancer.  We were all devastated and surprised at his diagnosis.  Tim had been so athletic as a young man.  He was so outgoing and vibrant.  Tim endured a very serious surgery in which the tumor split and things got really scary.  It was hard to see the leader of our group facing such a medical crisis. Fortunately he survived the surgery and began his recovery.  It was not the best way to start a new marriage, but Tim and Kelly were so strong.  They had an undeniable love for each other and truly stood firmly together.  They found the positive in every situation.

Over the course of the next ten years, Tim and Kelly had three beautiful girls.  Tim continued to fight reoccuring cancer.  Our lives would head in different directions, but as the leader of the team he always kept in contact and we would reunite occasionally and share great memories.  I remember having lunch one day and telling Tim how sad I was for what all he was going through and the battle that he and Kelly endured ever since their wedding.  He was strong and adamant that this was part of his journey.  He was confident in God's plan and so determined to live a great life and be a wonderful example to his children.  I am sure on the inside and within the privacy of his closest relationships he had to wonder why, but outwardly, he never questioned.

In 2006, I was living on Lake Wedowee and Tim was working as an auditor for the state of Alabama.  He occassionally came to Randolph County for work and we made plans for him to stay over with me.  We sat up most of the night talking about all of our memories from school and our early twenties.  We talked about my depression and how difficult it was for me to handle things, when I felt he was going through so much more than I.   He told me that God designs a journey for each of us.  He said we all have burdens to bear and a purpose to influence others.  Tim never judged me for being weaker than the rest of our friends.  He always looked out for me and filled in as a big brother.  He pushed me to pursue my dreams of writing, speaking and climbing the coproprate ladder.  Most of all he encouraged me to keep God at the forefront of my life regardless of what path I took.

I have never seen such a longer line at a funeral home than when my friend passed away.  He impacted so many people and was loved by everyone.  On a football team the Quarterback is the leader.  He is generally the most respected.  A successful QB is well protected by the other players.  As I looked around the room at all the guys who had played on Tim's team over the years I realized that we all would share one major thing in common the rest of our lives.  We all became better men because of his friendship and influence.  All stronger because of his leadership.

It's been several years since we said goodbye to Tim.  I have no doubt that he has been in the football stands of Heaven cheering on the Tide the last few seasons.  I know he didn't want to leave his wife and daughters.  I know he wanted to be there for his mother, brothers and all of us.  Tim understood God had a greater plan and he was always willing to submit to His will.  He would want everyone he loved to be happy for him and to realize that he had achieved the ultimate reward a little earlier than the rest of us.

The weaker kid doesn't alwasy outlive the Quarterback.  Because I was lucky enough to have a friend like Tim, I owe it to God, Tim, and myself to be the best I can and to dwell on those good memories when times get hard, not the bad ones.  If the Quarterback could say one thing it would be "here's the ball, now run!"

Love to you all.

Self Esteem Factor

Why is it that we are always so concerned what other people think of us?  Why do we define our own success based on the approval or opinnion of others?  It's a common character flaw that most people deal with from time to time.  I would like to think the need to please everyone else lessens as we mature, but I am not sure it applies in all cases.  Self esteem is a key factor in battling any sort of chemical imbalance.  It's crucial to have a high enough opinion of ourselves to outweigh what negative thoughts others may have.

Another form of weakness that some feel is paranoia.  When we doubt ourselves, we start to believe that others are doubting even more.  I have done this to myself many times.  I have defined my own success through comparison to what someone else has accomplished.  Oh, if Joe Cool over there has that big job and that new home and car, he must think I am a failure???  The truth is that Joe Cool is probably wishing there was something different about himself as well.  He may be looking at me thinking, "wish I was more like Rob when it comes to this or that."

Chemical imbalances can play tricks on our thoughts.  One negative thought can turn into a huge obstacle.  Sort of like my mother has always told me, "you make mountains out of molehills."

God's Word tells us not to covet one another.  Our interpretation of that may only apply to material posessions, but God meant it to apply to every aspect of life.  If we admire someone'e great personality, it's okay to strive to be like that person.  In fact, as Christians hopefully we do influence each other in positive ways.  The important thing is not to look at someone else's good habits and think of it as a stumbling block in our own lives.  "Oh, I will never be like that.  I don't have what it takes to be as good as him."  View the good qualities of others as motivation or an example of how you can improve.

When my mother and step-dad allowed me to start driving and going out with friends, I would always stop by Granny's porch and let her "see me" before leaving.  She would always pray for my safety on the road and then give me her advice about surrounding myself with good people.  She would always ask me who I was hanging out with.  My best friend in school and college was Ken Bryant.  He is probably one of the best men to ever enter my life.  He's down to earth, respectable, honorable, and just a regular good ole boy.  He was a great influence on me.  I used to tell Granny, "I am a lot meaner than anyone I am hanging out with."  I am not sure if this was an exaggeration or not, but I said this because I was a pretty decent kid and I wanted my Granny to know that my friends were all better people than me.  I said this trying to be humble.  In my opinion Ken is a much better person than me.  He is smart, talented, has a beautiful wife and three amazing kids, but I don't covet him.  I am happy for him.  He deserves all the happiness life can give.  Where I am wrong is thinking all of Ken's accomplishments make him better than me.  He would be the first to stand up and say Rob Goodwin is a great man.  You see, humility is a good thing, but not if we allow it to diminish our self esteem to a point that it contributes to our depression.

Having a high enough opinion of ourselves so that we can accomplish good things is important.  Every time I have failed in my life it is becaause I willed myself to do that.  I have a very bad habit of waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Realism is good, but pessimism is not!  Anything worth having takes work and you have to start out with an attitude of victory not failure.  This is a lesson I am learning with maturity.

The poeple who love us the most in this world suffer when we put ourselves down.  Think about the one person that you love more than anyone else, your mate or a child.  Maybe it is your parent or a best friend.  What if they constantly demeaned themselves or pointed out their flaws to a point that it held them back in life?  It would make you sad.  You woudln't like that.  We have to think of others when we are developing and implementing our outlook on life.

One last thing I want to say about this subject is that we can't blame other people for our situations or  low self esteem.  God says do not put your faith in man.  Don't let your attitude or approach to life rest in how someone else feels about you.  We don't all click with one another.  We don't all have the same chemstry as friends.  Some people don't appreciate my honesty or openness about my disease, but that doesn't mean I will change who I am.  I follow what 's in my heart and what is in God's plan.  The notes of encouragment and the thank yous push me forward and strongly outweigh anyones distaste for me.

God is the architect of our lives.  He has the plan, but He gives us the tools to build.  He is the designer, but we do the painting.  We decide the strokes and the colors.  Be thankful for the self control and freedom we are blessed with. Follow God's lead, not what your neighbor, co-worker, or friend has done.

Maybe it's all the vitamin D from the sunshine I have gotten today, but I love myself.  I am proud of what I am doing.  I believe it's what God designed.  I know in my heart the same applies to you as well.  Love to you all.

Myra Nell, Southern Belle

The first time I went to dinner at the home of Myra Nell McElroy I was smitten by her traditional hospitality.  Nell, as she is affectionately known by her friends and loved ones lives in a beautiful brick rancher, situated prominently on a tree-lined street in Weaver, AL.  A visitor immediately feels warm and right at home at Nell’s place.  She is the ideal hostess.  A tall, slim, Miss America-type lady, Nell is beautiful both inside and out.  She loves to smile and chuckle and her best friend is Josiah, a magnificent large collie.

From a very young age my grandmothers taught me to respect intelligent and caring women.  Nell, although not old enough to be my grandmother, is like a second Mom to me.  In fact, next to her sons Mark and Mike, she calls me her third.  Although delicate and demure it would seem, Myra Nell is the kind of person you can talk to about anything.  Her heart is made of gold and her shoulder of iron!  After rearing two great men, Nell lost the love of her life, Maron “Mac” McElroy when she was just shy of 60 years old.  Having lived over 20 years as a widow, Nell has endured her share of life’s trials.  She is also a cancer survivor.  She is an example of faith, determination, and an unbreakable spirit.

On Sunday mornings when I arrive at the Ohatchee Church of Christ, I am greeted with a smile and a hug from my special friend.  We have been sitting together on “our pew” for several years now.  Last October, Nell and I shared an incredible loss.  Our dear friend Jean Chappell went on to her great reward and we have both missed her terribly.  Jean took both of us in as family.  After losing my grandmother in 2003, both Nell and Jean stepped up and became wonderful spiritual counselors to me.  Many nights I have spent in the McElroy living room telling stories, praying, laughing, crying, and sharing all emotions with my dear sweet friend. 

Myra Nell enjoys her home.  She is proud of both Mike and Mark and their families.  She loves her grandchildren, great-grandchildren and extended family, but she is happiest right there in Weaver with Josiah.  She is one of those true southern belles who cleans house every day, always has a slice of cake to serve her guests, and speaks in an articulate drawl that makes you proud to be from the Heart of Dixie.

Friendship is a blessing from God.  We are all born into families that we love and appreciate, but throughout life’s journey relationships evolve because God sees a need.  I am so fortunate to have the kind of friend in Myra Nell who loves me unconditionally.  Serving our Father yields so many great rewards in addition to our salvation.  God wants us to be happy, prosperous and healthy while on earth.  He gives us these angelic friendships to make our journey a little better…a little safer.  No one can face trial or hardship alone, it’s always better to endure with a friend beside you.  Whatever your struggle might be, lean on your friends.  Let God work in your life through the influence of others. 

Ask yourself what you can do to thank your friends who are always there for you.  When we do things for others who make our lives so much sweeter, we are doing the Will of God.  Friendship is a resource to learn to love.  It’s the emotion we will enjoy in eternity, so why not get used to it now?  My friend Myra Nell has a favorite restaurant.  She becomes giddy when invited to Red Lobster.  I think I will call her right now and extend an invitation.  Love to you all.