I love being a writer.
Inspiration can hit you at the most unlikely of times. Today I am driving on a sunny Sunday
afternoon, contemplating my problems, praying for an answer. I circle the square in Jacksonville shortly
after having lunch with my mother. The
grass looks very green and inviting. The
benches perched among the naked trees are empty and there is plenty of parking. I whirl into a spot, pull out my lap top and
find my space in the warm sunshine. It’s
windy and cool….but I am writing.
Without a shadow of a doubt we have to believe our Father is
a forgiving God. His supernatural power
is greater than any negative circumstance we can make with our own free
will. I have certainly made many
mistakes and created stressful situations that might wreck the nerves of even
the most faithful. Fortunately for me,
even if I am the least in the kingdom of Heaven, that is all I need to be
rescued by God. You see, Jesus
saves! Jesus doesn’t just save those who
accidentally go down the wrong road and turn around immediately. He saves those of us who time and time again
ignore the GPS of our conscience and deliberately make repeated wrong
turns. He has taught us to follow his
example with one another and to love without condition and to forgive without
limitation. A Christian should wake up
every day feeling like the luckiest person on earth….because we are.
Like most of you, I do have a hard time grasping the concept
of eternity. We are human and we are
flawed. We tend to live in the now and
desire our rewards on earth. Regardless
of the promise of salvation and eternity of life in mansions on streets of
gold, we crave the best cars, houses, vacations and other material things right
now. We use the free will God has given
us to chase these goals and objectives in our lives. I think it would be safe to say that unless
we are truly content with our lives, we will always be chasing something. The grass will always appear to be greener on
the other side.
It would be easy for me to blame my situations, state of
mind, and flaws on my mental illness.
When I think about it, there are times I do have to work harder to
muster strength and courage. I mean,
harder than I used to. Still, as a
believer, I know deep down that God is preparing me for something great and the
burden of emotion I feel is only to better equip me to make the difference my
life is supposed to make. If something
in life comes to you easily, it’s probably not meant to teach you a
lesson. The hardest lessons in life yield the greatest perspective.
The definition of faith is simple, the belief in the
unseen. The practice of faith, however,
is much more strenuous than the definition.
It takes a lot more discipline and dedication. You know that your faith is nearing the right
place when you realize that your life does have meaning and that God has a
plan. Good faith translates into trust
in His plan, not our own. I have found
over the last few months as I struggle with my depression that my faith rests
completely on God and that most of my problem is that I don’t have any faith in
myself. I lack the faith that I will
actually do the right thing. I am
doubtful because of my past behavior that I will make the best decision and
recognize the road signs to make the turn God has planned for me. Perhaps one of the sub-plots God is trying to
teach me is to forgive myself for historical errors and trust that I do play a
role in future success. Overcoming the
very thing that holds me back just may begin with letting go of a crutch. Empowering
ourselves could very well mean replacing excuses with action.
I was looking in the mirror just this morning at how my
features have changed. My face is
drooping. I honestly don’t remember the
last time I really smiled and held it for a long time. I am sure there is a study somewhere about
the wrinkles and frown lines on a persons’ face as a result of limited laughter
or smiling. This is an action that I
must take. I must create opportunity to
smile and feel joy. God must be thinking,
“Rob, you pray for happiness and joy, but why should I give it to you, I am not
sure you can handle it, I don’t even know if you can smile.” The preparation to receive a blessing from
God is in my hands. I have to let go of the mentality, “when I
feel better,” or “if God blesses me, then I will….”
I have always been the first person to use the phrase,
“easier said than done.” In this case,
easier typed than done! This is how
perspective works though. Once the
indwelling spirit convinces us where we have been wrong, we have to take action
to apply it to our lives. Most of the
people who know me know that when I write about something it is meant to assign
accountability to myself. It is my way
of looking in the mirror and saying “take your own advice.”
I read a wonderful devotional last week that outlined how to
keep a positive attitude when you are going through negative
circumstances. One of the tips was that
a person should not spend a lot of time talking about how they feel when they
are depressed or just down on their luck.
The columnist advised that you talk about how you want to feel. Focus on the
things in life you want to achieve. One
of my closest friends and sisters in Christ is convinced that I was meant to
make a difference in other people’s lives.
She thinks I am supposed to use my long battle with depression to help
others become stronger. She quotes many
scriptures for motivation and believes that one of my best attributes is
compassion. If I had not struggled as
much as I have, would I understand the ins and outs of mental illness the way I
do? Would I be as open and honest? Would I be as compassionate to others? I choose to believe her analogy, so what I
want to feel is fulfillment. I want to
be happy knowing that I took a negative circumstance and turned it into a
positive influence. I want to feel
gratitude and not self-pity. I want to embrace
the journey that God has planned for me instead of wasting time on the
sidelines.
For over four years now I have been journaling every single
day. I record my prayers to the Lord and
I go back and read them over and over and it helps me to realize just how He
loves me and guides me. God answers prayers
in His own time. For those of us, who
struggle with that need to have our piece of the pie (or cake) right now, it’s
important to realize we must submit to his timing. The
Lord’s plan is more awesome than our imaginative free will. I have started including in my requests
to God that He will exceed even my big imagination. I have faith that He will, so I must practice
patience.
The best advice I can give is that we can’t accomplish
anything worth having without the Lord.
Success without His stamp of approval is only temporary. Words like temporary and eternal seem
harmless until you truly meditate on what they mean. Material belongings or worldly success can be
a blessing if given by God. Our focus
should be on the eternal relationship with Him.
The rest is just the icing on the top of that cake.
I mentioned earlier the struggles of the last few
months. I almost gave in, but because of
the sacrifice Jesus made, I am a child of God.
His arms are safely wrapped around me.
I am not done until He tells me that I am. I am happy to feel hope, because He is
working on my behalf. My wonderful
friends and loved ones constantly pray for me, send cards, make calls, invite
me over for dinner, etc., because that’s what we do for each other when we
serve God. I don’t see how any person
survives in this world without a support system and without faith in God. Those who suffer from depression and other
illnesses, especially need God daily. If
you are reading this and find yourself struggling, you must take action. You must put away the excuses and take the
first necessary step to recovery. In the
Lord’s kingdom, when you reach out your hand, someone will be there to take it.
Love to you all.
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