Learning To Wait

I really don’t know if I can blame it on depression or bipolar disorder or if it is just a major character flaw, but nonetheless I have always had a problem with patience.  When I was young, I had an obsession with being early for everything.  I couldn’t stand it if we were the last to arrive at a family gathering.  I had to be the first pupil in the classroom at school and at church on Sunday.  As an adult, I have been criticized by others, one boss even telling me that the internet is not fast enough for me.  It’s so ironic because my brother and sister were completely opposite growing up.  Tony and Becky both just went with the flow.  Before my brother passed away, he used to tell me, “relax…you are wound tighter than that watch you are always checking.”

It is light-hearted and fun to joke about being obsessed with time and impatience to a certain point, but when you start applying that to your relationship with God, it can get you in a little trouble.  For most of my adult life I have struggled with God’s concept of time.  When I pray sometimes I automatically assume that prayer will be answered within twenty-four hours.  God doesn’t necessarily work that way.  Fortunately with time…and maturity in our relationship with God we come to learn that all things work out perfectly according to His plan.  This lesson is something that I have only come to learn in recent years.  Wait for God and let Him work His plan.  If I serve Him every day the way that I know I should, then He can do the work He needs to do and shape the circumstances that need to be shaped in order to answer my prayer. 

At church we sing this song, “Teach Me Lord To Wait.”   It may very well be the most beautiful and poignant song in our hymnal.  “Teach me Lord to wait, right down on my knees, til in Your on good time, You answer my pleas.  Teach me not to rely on what others do, but to wait in prayer for an answer from You.”  Later the song goes into a beautiful chorus where it celebrates “they that wait upon the Lord.”  One of our sisters, Rhonda Coleson, hits this beautiful note in her upper register and it just sends chills up my spine.  Usually, I hold hands with the person sitting next to me on this song because it is so emotional and spiritually uplifting.  If you really concentrate on the words and apply the principle to your life, it makes so much sense and will help strengthen your relationship with God and your faith that He WILL answer.

The people who love me the most and are around me more than others get really frustrated with my mood swings.  So many times I have heard my best friend say to me, “I just don’t understand.”  Regardless of the understanding, my friends are still patient….they “wait” for my mood to lift and the depression to pass.  I am fortunate to have that kind of love in my life, because so many people who suffer from this terrible disease don’t.  I believe you have to surround yourself with friends who will stay and be patient.  It’s so important to embrace your spirituality and Christianity when you suffer from depression or any ailment.  I honestly can’t imagine how anyone gets through a day without talking to God and knowing that He is working on their behalf. 

When I start getting impatient about my prayers now, I try and think about what God would want from me.  I think of Him building something great and every time I get impatient, He has to stop what He is doing and look down at me and say, “would you stop with the whining, I am busy building a great future for you!”  I truly believe that God wants to live in joy and not sadness and depression or worry.  I think that He is aware of our needs long before we pray them, yet He still wants us to ask.  Once we pray and express our desires and wishes, He decides the when, where and how.  It may take years for certain things to work out.

All of my life I have dreamed of being a successful writer.  Honestly as a young man I never thought I would be reaching people by writing and speaking about depression and God.  I wanted to write dramas and suspense-filled thrillers.  I would write and then abandon it.  I have never stuck with anything longer or felt more passionate than when I am writing and speaking about depression and the need for a strong relationship with God to overcome it.  I believe I was never successful writing in the past because God was preparing me for His plan.  My passion and my dreams are going to come true, but it must be in line with what God expects and needs. 

If you have a dream in your heart and you just can’t stop thinking about it, you can take it to the bank that God put it there.  The question is how will you pursue it and what doors will open?  If we try and do things alone and force results that aren’t part of God’s plan, then we are out there on our own and we have to deal with the stress and the worry of life.  When we pray and wait on God to give us the answer and the direction…the dream will begin to take form as reality.  God doesn’t want us to worry.  He wants us to live joy-filled lives. 

My dream of being a successful writer and speaker makes me very anxious, but it’s GOOD anxiety.  I feel excited to the point that I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me next and what direction He wants me to take.  I can’t wait to see how He inspires me.  It comes with age and it comes with maturity in your spiritual relationship.  Learning to wait on God to work out the plan is an important step in making your dreams come true.  “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.  They shall mount up with wings like eagles.”  I just can’t wait to see what’s around the corner because I am ready to fly like an eagle.  I hope you will too.  Love to all.