Turning Doubt Into Determination

When I was first able to put a label on my condition and realize there was something medically wrong with me, it was a relief to a certain extent.  I felt as if it was the first step to recovery knowing that manic depression and bipolar disorder was recognized as a legitimate medical and mental illness and that I was not the only one who suffered from it.  Something deep inside me knew as I was going from doctor to doctor and trying various medications that the largest dose I needed was from God.  I felt it deep in my gut that if I truly wanted to get better I had to enhance my relationship with the Lord.  I didn’t accomplish this until years later.

When we first encounter major obstacles in life, it is human nature to feel doubt.  We put on our pessimistic wardrobe and start preparing for the worst.  It’s like retreating to the safe room in the house where the can goods, bottled water and flashlights are stored.  We immediately think about hunkering down and waiting out the storm instead of thinking positive and realizing that God will help us rise above the circumstances.  I use the term pessimistic wardrobe because instead of suiting up to be my best with the full armor of God, I wore the droopy face, the sad eyes, and really didn’t care what I looked like.  It’s a vicious cycle that will continue as long as you allow it to.

I have said many times that when I would come out of a manic episode I would look back on my thoughts of suicide, emptiness and helplessness and think it was silly.  I would judge myself more critically than any other person ever could.  When people ask me how do I have the courage to talk about everything I have felt and put it out there so publicly I tell them it’s because no person could be harder on me than I have been on myself.  Doubt consumed me for many years.  It truly stole years of happiness and productivity from my life.  Finally I began to understand how to love God more, love myself better, and remove myself from negative environments.  I found the edification I needed from my church family, the love I needed from my companions, and the support from my family.

Each experience that we go through where there is disappointment and heartache is preparing us for something down the road.  It may be more tribulation or on the positive side it may be such a wonderful experience that you wouldn’t cherish it as much had you not suffered hard times in the past.  One of the greatest things we can do for ourselves is to turn doubt into determination.

This is a life principle that doesn’t only apply to people who suffer from depression or related illnesses.  We all struggle with controversy and strife.  It may be financial difficulty, relationship problems, challenges with our children, or other medical problems.  It could be a flailing career or the fact that we can’t even find a job.  It is so easy to resort to doubt and start believing that our hopes and dreams will never come true.  “I am too old,” we tell ourselves.  “I don’t have the education to keep up with the technology,” and so on.  We must keep reminding ourselves that God is supernatural.  His power is so much greater than the odds that might be stacked against us.  Wow…let me say that again.  God’s power is so much greater than the odds that might be stacked against us.  When we trust in Him and believe in His power, all things are possible, not just some, but all.

I am approaching forty years old.  The next two weeks will be my last in my thirties.  I haven’t accomplished near what I want to in life and as I said before, I feel like many years were stolen from me because of doubt and depression.  I am thrilled and excited about the future.  It’s never too late for God.  In His plan there are no limitations that dreams can only come true in your twenties and thirties.  In His plan, my future success can and will be much greater than the circumstances I am living in now.  We can pray for success to outweigh any failure we have ever had.  God delivers to the determined.  He wants us to brag on Him and lead others to His kingdom and He will reward us for doing so.

When you are young people constantly tell you how you will feel differently once you get older and you will then be giving the same advice to the younger generation.  I used to hate hearing people tell me “oh you will really get the meaning of this once you mature.”  I had a selfish disposition.  Now I completely understand and I wish I had the power to get people to believe me if they are bogged down with depression or guilt.  It will get better if you put God first and allow Him to lead you out of the darkness.  I have no shame for what I have suffered because if the Father needs to use me as a vehicle to prevent others from feeling that pain, then His will be done.  Stop doubting and be determined through your faith that tomorrow is a brighter day and so is the next and the next.

I challenge you to pray for change.  Pray for your dreams to come true and praise God every day for the little victories and progress you make.  Thank Him for the one, two , three people that believe in you and support you.  Thank Him for the people who don’t support you because it keeps you grounded and keeps you trying to do your best.  Give praise and glory every day to the man upstairs whose power is so amazing and divine it can move mountains and change hearts.

I ask you to be determined with me.  You pray for me and I will certainly pray for you.  Let’s focus on what God is doing for us right now and what He wants to do for us in the future and eliminate the doubt that is trying to anchor itself around our feet and hold us back from climbing higher in life.  God loves all His children and those who love Him.  I love you as well and appreciate your friendship and support.  Please share your comments on Facebook and share the blog with the people you love in an effort to manifest determination over doubt.  Love to you all.