Part One
February 12, 2014
February 12, 2014
Introduction
I started my journey of public speaking and writing on the topic of
Depression in 2007 after a very dear friend and Minister, Wayne Dunaway
convinced me the only way to bring about change in the Church was to speak
out. I am very grateful for my
upbringing and for my conservative faith, but I also am very aware that many of
my brethren and myself included have spent an abundance of time judging others
rather than showing love and compassion.
My life long battle with Bipolar Disorder and Depression was intensified
by my own perception that I was not good
enough for God, Church, Family, and Society. I set out to change opinions about faith and
depression. Because my friends, family,
and brethren at the Ohatchee Church of Christ opened their hearts and minds to
me, I have succeeded in my goals and my quality of life. Regardless of the struggle, God is the
Victory. Every day He brings about
emotional victory for me. God is a
healer of all things and He blesses
us with great medical minds and technology to improve our physical and mental
health just as serving Him improves our spiritual health.
I am by no means a medical expert in the area of mental health. I don’t have any degrees that qualify me to
give medical advice, counseling, etc.
What I do have is life experience and the passion to encourage others to
seek help and believe they can overcome the symptoms of this disease. By sharing my story, symptoms, behavior,
setbacks and progress, it might just improve the life of someone who thinks
they are alone in this. This column
should be used for inspiration or motivation, not as medical advice. I am an advocate for prescription treatment
when necessary. Later in my column you
will read my story of frustration over the trial and error of my
treatment. This disease is ever evolving
and always poses a challenge against an easy prescription fix. Keep in mind there is no known cure, only
improved quality of life, reduced symptoms and cycles, etc.
My Story
For many years as a young man I struggled with mood swings. I developed the nickname “Worry Wart” because
I drove my family members crazy obsessing about minor details. Even if my parents and I had little control
over a situation, I still worried about it.
The worry became more than just a mood or behavior problem, it became a
serious health issue. My mind began to
dump everything on my stomach. My mother
took me for many trips to the doctor and he always said, “some boys just have
trouble with their tummys.” This was of
course way back in the 1970s, so there was little discussion about depression
and anxiety. Did you know that “Clinical Depression” did not become a prominent term
until 1980?
Eventually my stomach issues translated to an emergency appendectomy, gal
bladder, Crohn’s Disease and more. My
parents did the best they could as far as getting medical help, but the issue
at the time was mental and the connection between the two was yet to be
discovered by a doctor in my Alabama hometown.
As an adult I had years of success, accomplishment and good fortune, but I
still crashed emotionally over the smallest of crisis. I kept most things private and found that I
fell deeper into depression out of embarrassment. I did not understand my emotions. I thought it was very abnormal for a young
man to cry at the drop of a hat. I would
work all day and accomplish my goals, then come home and fall apart at
night. We all know that men are not
supposed to be weak and cry. I was so
strong and successful during the day; therefore I couldn’t understand the
weakness in the evenings. I was a
faithful member of the church, a youth minister, and took special care of an
elderly grandmother. I thought I was
doing everything I could to please God.
I confided in a few friends but no one really understood or knew how to
help me. I reached the lowest point when
I lost my maternal grandmother, Bertie Mae in 2003. She had been such a rock of strength and
support for me. She along with my mother
raised me to be a good Christian man and to respect my elders, work hard, and
serve humanity. Losing her was very
difficult even though I knew we would be reunited in Heaven. I began to retreat into darkness more and
more, fall away from the Church and begin to plot suicide. Fortunately God stepped in as He always
has. Minister friends of mine, C.E. and
Jean Chappell recognized my condition and began to question me. Sister Jean would not take no for an answer
when I was offered help. She and C.E.
took me to a specialist in Selma and began my medical intervention. Sometimes
we have to realize that imposing concern from a close friend might be the hand
of God offering help.
The journey to a better quality of life began. Over the course of the next few posts, I will
detail some of the symptoms, episodes and advancements I have made. Please know that if you are just beginning
this battle, you are not alone. It can
get better but as someone who fights this battle, like many things the first
step is to admit there is a problem.
If you would like to reach me personally, feel free to email me at robby.goodwin72@gmail.com.
Love to you all….
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