A Tale of Two Pearls

Recently I told a story of a sweet little lady I met in my youth to illustrate the difference between tradition and doctrine in the church.  I received several requests to tell the story on my blog, it is also included in the book, Porch Swings and Prayer.  The second part of this post is about another lady named Pearl, who was not quite as lovely as the first.  Enjoy…

Bertie Mae, my sweet grandmother always taught me to respect and appreciate the elderly.  Because my relationship with Granny was so strong, I have always had a great love for “little old ladies.”  As a young boy, I would sit next to my Granny on the fourth pew from the front at the Jacksonville Church of Christ.  It was our spot.  We had to get there early to make sure no one got Granny’s seat.

Bertie Mae’s friend, a widow named Pearl Dobbs sat on the end of the pew.  Pearl was a short and round lady with a silver and white bun right on top of her head.  I used to count the bobby pins, and I am sure there were at least 18 in that perfectly formed mound.  Pearl had a vision problem.  In fact, I never knew what color her eyes were because her lenses were so thick.  They were thicker than a glass Coke bottle.  My cousins and I sat next to Pearl and helped her find the songs in her hymnal.  When the song leader called out a number, we thumbed quickly and found it and passed the book to Pearl, taking the book from her hand and finding the song for ourselves.  When the song leader called the next number, we switched again.

I always found it funny that Pearl couldn’t see the books but she had no problem driving her 1957 Chevy, with the huge steering wheel.  I guess she was just farsighted?  After church on Sunday we would stand in the parking lot and watch Pearl drive around the building.  She would be controlling that big steering wheel with her knees and using both hands to put a dip of snuff in her mouth.  Bertie Mae rode home with her one time and told her, “Pearl put both your hands on the wheel!”  Pearl just replied, “Bertie Mae this car knows where it’s going.”  Fortunately Pearl returned my Granny safely.  Finding hymns in the songbook was just one little tradition for my Sunday at worship service.  It taught me to serve others and pay attention in church.  Granny knew exactly how to teach her grandkids.  As I grow older and my eyesight weakens, I think about Pearl.  I hope I get her personality as well!

There was another Pearl who drifted into our lives when I was younger.  I wont’ give her name, but she hailed form “across the mountain” as Granny used to say about our relatives from Chinch Creek near Piedmont.  One of Bertie Mae’s cousins passed away and her son decided to clean out her house.  He gave Granny this gaudy vase covered in buttons, broaches, and costume jewelry.  I am not sure why Bertie Mae admired it, but she did. 

Apparently the vase was rather popular in Chinch Creek, because this second lady named Pearl came forward and said the vase had previously been promised to her.  She had admired it for years when visiting Bertie Mae’s cousin, Alice Phillips.  She demanded that the vase be handed over to her!  Wow…we were shocked when Granny told us the story.  I had to look in the vase and make sure it was not stacked full of cash, but it wasn’t.  Granny spoke with the son who gave her the vase and he told her to do what she wanted with it.  Keep it or give it to Pearl, he had no idea his mother had promised it to someone else.  Granny always did the right thing so she called Pearl and told her to come get it.

A couple of days later, Pearl wheeled in our drive way in an old beat up 1978 maroon Nova.  If she had not been wearing a long flower-covered dress I would have sworn she was a man.  Her voice was deeper than mine, and she was more than a little “big-boned.”  She was rude to my Granny and I didn’t like it, but I held my tongue.  She told us of her friendship with Alice Phillips and how the vase had been a conversation piece between them for years.  I wondered what the décor of her home looked like to make her desire this vase so much. 

Pearl’s mother, Ari Martin accompanied her on the visit and she was well into her nineties.  Ari’s sister Babe was once married to Bertie Mae’s brother.  Before the women picked up the vase and left, Pearl needed to make a trip to the restroom, so Bertie Mae pointed down the hallway.  After what seemed like eternity Pearl emerged from the hallway.  She stood in the kitchen and we were all facing her in the living room.  I was not prepared for what happened next.  She turned around to pick up the vase and her dress tail was tucked into her pantyhose.  There was nothing between her pantyhose and her bare skin.  It was a horrible sight!

Ari belted in a loud voice, “Oh my Lord Pearl, put your dress down!”  As Granny ushered the women from “across the mountain” to the door, I was still on the floor rolling around laughing.  I did not get in trouble though, Granny simply told me about a scripture regarding “heaping coals of fire.”  I knew the Lord had made things right about my Granny’s vase being taken away. 

Ahhh the lessons we all learn from Pearls……

Love to you all.