This Must Be What They Call The Ocean

It was the summer of 1994 and I had been reassigned to the Huntsville area with my job. Granny (Bertie Mae) and I had never been separated. In fact she had lived directly behind my parents for the entire 22 years of my life. We talked on the phone every single night and I ventured home every off day. Finally she asked me to take her to Huntsville with me for a short visit. "I just want to see where you sit on the couch when we talk on the phone," she explained. "It will me make me feel better if I can imagine you there when you call."

I picked her up in my small white pick-up and we headed north on US 431. As we approached the town of Guntersville I explained to her that we would be crossing a lot of water and she should not be nervous. As we crossed the large bridge over Lake Guntersville (The Tennessee River), her mouth dropped and she raised up in the seat. She gasped, "this must be what they call the ocean?" I laughed a little and then realized she was serious. I asked, "Granny, have you never seen the ocean?" She replied that she had never seen anything, travel had not been a part of her life.  In her younger days, cotton fields along highway 21 were all she saw.  She never had the means to travel. Immediately the wheels in my mind began to turn.

I told my mother and other family members of my plans to take Granny to see the ocean.  They were panic-stricken at the thought of her traveling that far.  My friends laughed and asked, "you want to take your 86 year old grandmother to the beach?"  I certainly did. In my heart I knew it would be the most precious memory of the two of us.  She was thrilled when I visited her on my next off day and told her of our plans.  She practically packed her bag that day.

Two weeks later I drove her to Gulf Shores, Alabama. We stayed in a beautiful high rise hotel where all the rooms had a private balcony overlooking the beach. She couldn't tell what she was about to see when we drove in because the tall buildings along the strip blocked her view and her sight was already bad. My anxiety built like my tears are now as I write this. We rode the elevator up to our room on the 8th floor. I walked her out on the balcony and she literally stumbled backwards gasping at what she saw. She absolutely could not believe her eyes. We spent two days and nights on that balcony laughing and talking about things and enjoying God's most wonderful and beautiful creation.  Before we left, she said to me, "this is it, what I am going to imagine Heaven is like." I have had a lot of fun in my life, but nothing has ever filled my heart with joy like that trip.

Nine years later,  at the age of ninety-four, in the wee hours of an October Tuesday morning, we reached the last few moments of her life. All the family was gathered around, but I was at the head of her bed craddling her in my arms. Just before she slipped away, I whispered "I will see you at the beach."......and I surely will.  I keep a picture of the two of us strolling on the beach hand in hand on my desk at work and in my bedroom .  To me, that's what Heaven will be like; Granny and I strolling arm and arm along Heaven's shore.  Love to you all.

Don't Fear The Walk

I remember witnessing my first baptism about thirty-five years ago.  I was barely five years old. I have this vivid memory of a young teenage boy walking down the aisle at the end of Church service.  The minister, Brother Scott had just finished his sermon and offered the invitation.  The congregation sang in unison.  Granny, my cousins and I sat on the fourth bench from the front, the boy came from way in the back.  His walk seemed to take forever.  He reached the front and sat on the first bench.  The Minister and an Elder shook his hand.  He was handed a white card.  He sat trembling and appeared to be scribbling something on the paper.  Once the Church was finished singing the hymn, the Minister walked back up the three steps to the Pulpit. 

 

The baptism was quite ceremonial and there were many tears of joy throughout the congregation.  Years went by and I witnessed hundreds of people make that walk down the aisle for baptism or to make prayer requests, repent of sins, etc.  It took me a very long time to make that decision, because I was so fearful of that walk down the aisle.  How in the world could I walk in front of all those people?  I might collapse.

 

As I matured I realized it was not the walk down the aisle that I feared most.  I was afraid that I couldn't live up to the walk with Jesus and the judgment of others.

 

In 1998 at age 26 I won a local speaking competition and a bid to the Alabama Public Speaking Championships in Dothan.  I prepared a speech on the prevention of school violence.  I had always enjoyed public speaking, but had never competed until a few friends in the Glencoe Jaycees talked me into entering as a platform for my community service.  I was nervous during the competition, but polished my shoes, wore my lucky suit and delivered a great speech.  I was not surprised that I made it into the finals at state.  I planned on it.  The final round was fierce competition.  It was the best of the best.  Some of the finalists had been competing for years and while you could only win the Alabama title once, several had come close in years past and were giving it another shot.  It was my first time.  I delieverd another great speech in the final round and improptu round. 

 

The state banquet to announce the winners started at 7PM following the final day of competition.  About 15 of my colleagues and friends from the Jaycees attended the banquet.  We got there early in order to grab the best seats.  I asked them to choose the seats in the back.  If I placed in the top three, I would receive an award and I wanted to taste sweet victory for a long time.  I wanted a long walk to the podium.  I had worked hard.

 

The banquet began and several awards were given for community service, etc.  The final event was the announcement of the Alabama Amateur Public Speaking Champion for 1998.  A 2nd Runner-Up was announced followed by the 1st Runner-Up.  My heart sank, because I wanted one of those plaques and to walk that aisle with my head held high.  There was no fear in that walk.  I knew I could do it and I was driven a little by pride.  The announcer then spoke these words, "and now the winner and the person who will represent the great state of Alabama in December in Washington, D.C., sponsored by the Glencoe Jaycees, Mr. Rob Goodwin!"  Cheers erupted around me and friends began hugging me and pushing me toward the aisle.  It was probably the second greatest moment of my life.

 

I realized that I enjoy being in a crowd and "making an entrance."  My nervousness when I walked the aisle at church was because I feared the walk  with Jesus.  My fear was not the judgment of the people at the moment of my confession, but the judgment of people for the rest of my life. 

 

Since I was five years old I have struggled with Bipolar Disorder.  Obviously in the 1970s we had no idea what to call it.  Along with the mood swings come a great deal of manic depressive episodes.  One of the factors that can cause an episode is failure or letting someone I care about down.  I have always put too much pressure on myself by placing extraordinary stock in what others think.  There is but one judge.  Jesus is the Judge and the Jury, and He will not be calling any expert witnesses. 

 

Sometimes I think we don't understand how much harm we do to others by judging them.  The Word talks about not becoming a stumbling block.  It is certainly our place as Chrsitians to help others up when they fall victim to sin.  This means we are sinners helping other sinners.  Everyone has sin.  Regardless of who you are, you will never live a sinless a life.  If you think it s necessary to go to the alter every time you commit a sin, you might as well live in the church building.  God exists everywhere.  He is always with us.  Forgiveness for sins is all about the personal relationship we have with our Father.  His grace is sufficient for all. 

 

I want you to truly concentrate on this next statement.  It's not the walk with Jesus we fear, it's how others perceive and judge our walk.  If you constantly point out the sins of others and "rank them," shame on you!  Wayne Dunaway, my current Minister and very close friends alwasy says, "you go to people with love in your heart, not contempt."  In my humble opinion we could all practice a little more tolerance without necessarily having to tolerate things we don't agree with. 

 

As a man who continues to struggle from time to time about being comfortable in my own skin, celebrating my victories and forgetting my defeats, I understand the obstacles we all face.  One of the most important scriptiures in the Bible is Philippians 2:12, "...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling."  This is a directive to us from God that we are responsible personally for our own relationship with Him.  It is not our place to determine whether another person is going to Heaven.  If you are spending your time doubting if someone else is righteous, you are mentally casting stones. 

 

For those who refuse to have a relationship with God or show allegiance to the Church, or even obey His commands because all they see is hypocrisy, you are allowing others to stand in the aisle and block you.  Man should never use another person as an excuse to hinder his own relationship with the Almighty.

 

Whatever your fear or hang up may be, it's up to you to work it out with your Savior.  Let no man dictate to you how it is to be done.  Seek the truth through study.   Utilize guidance from the people who love you unconditionally.  Do what is necessary to clear the aisle and take your walk.  Take your walk with Jesus and enjoy the life He meant for you.

 

Love to you all.

The Quarterback

When we look at our lives we should realize the point we have reached is the sum total of where we have been, who we have met, and what experiences God has allowed us to enjoy.  I think it is easeier said that done, but it is certainly best not to have any regrets and just be appreciative of all the good things that have shaped our lives.  I recently met with a homeopathic doctor who told me when a person dwells on the negative experiences of their past, it is one of the most detrimental behaviors.  It can affect your physical health as well as mental.  He suggested that when I begin to drift into a negative state of mind, I attempt to "re-write" my own history.  He told me to pretend it's a movie in my mind and I am replacing the bad scenes with good ones.  When I finally reach a point where my mind doesn't drift to those negative places, I will realize that regardless of the bad, I still ended up in a great place.  I am right where God wants me to be, or at least I am headed where He wants me to go.

When we think about our past, it is always better to dwell on the positive.  I am grateful to have known some wonderful people and enjoyed some amazing friendships.  My friends certainly have a great deal of influence over me and I will always be thankful for the Lord's blessing of such outstanding Christian examples.  In High School I struggled with bullying like many kids do.  Young people can be insecure and when others are the least bit cruel it has a great deal of effect on our self esteem.  Most people have a desire to be popular during their teenage years, we don't realize at that age just how trivial it all is.

As a freshman in college I met one of those people who would leave a lasting impression on my life.  Tim Townsend was a former Quarterback from Hokes Bluff High School.  We met in 1991 while both studying at the Jacksonville State University School of Business.  Tim stood about 6' 1" so he sort of towered over me.  He had a great sense of humor and an immense love for Alabama football.  We began hanging out int he same group of friends: Ken Bryant, Jimmy Gables, Blaine Minton, David Wooten, etc.  Several of those guys were friends of Tim's from HB and Ken and I had graduated from Pleasant Valley.  It was my first time to really have a great group of guy friends.  In high school I was timid and had low self-esteem for various reasons.  This was a great change for me.

My  Step-Dad had taught me a lot about Alabama football and I enjoyed traveling to games with these guys.  In 1992, while we were Sophomores, JSU won their national championship as did Alabama.  It was a banner year for Gamecock and Tide fans.  Tim became a great mentor for me.  Both of us had come from divorced homes and had estranged relationhsips with our Dads.  He also helped me to reconcile with my brother who had been separated from our family for about six years.  Tim was a great Christian friend with a strong work ethic.  He worked as a bagger at Gregerson's grocery store all through college.  When were not working, we were on the road to a football game or cruising Broad Street in Gadsden.

After college as we both began to progress in our careers, Tim married his longtime sweetheart, Kelly Peek.  Kelly is a sweet southern girl.  A little younger than Tim and yet very mature.  Kelly was the perfect match for Tim and he was so excited to start their family together.  She was the love of his life.

About three months after their marriage in 1998, Tim was diagnosed with kidney cancer.  We were all devastated and surprised at his diagnosis.  Tim had been so athletic as a young man.  He was so outgoing and vibrant.  Tim endured a very serious surgery in which the tumor split and things got really scary.  It was hard to see the leader of our group facing such a medical crisis. Fortunately he survived the surgery and began his recovery.  It was not the best way to start a new marriage, but Tim and Kelly were so strong.  They had an undeniable love for each other and truly stood firmly together.  They found the positive in every situation.

Over the course of the next ten years, Tim and Kelly had three beautiful girls.  Tim continued to fight reoccuring cancer.  Our lives would head in different directions, but as the leader of the team he always kept in contact and we would reunite occasionally and share great memories.  I remember having lunch one day and telling Tim how sad I was for what all he was going through and the battle that he and Kelly endured ever since their wedding.  He was strong and adamant that this was part of his journey.  He was confident in God's plan and so determined to live a great life and be a wonderful example to his children.  I am sure on the inside and within the privacy of his closest relationships he had to wonder why, but outwardly, he never questioned.

In 2006, I was living on Lake Wedowee and Tim was working as an auditor for the state of Alabama.  He occassionally came to Randolph County for work and we made plans for him to stay over with me.  We sat up most of the night talking about all of our memories from school and our early twenties.  We talked about my depression and how difficult it was for me to handle things, when I felt he was going through so much more than I.   He told me that God designs a journey for each of us.  He said we all have burdens to bear and a purpose to influence others.  Tim never judged me for being weaker than the rest of our friends.  He always looked out for me and filled in as a big brother.  He pushed me to pursue my dreams of writing, speaking and climbing the coproprate ladder.  Most of all he encouraged me to keep God at the forefront of my life regardless of what path I took.

I have never seen such a longer line at a funeral home than when my friend passed away.  He impacted so many people and was loved by everyone.  On a football team the Quarterback is the leader.  He is generally the most respected.  A successful QB is well protected by the other players.  As I looked around the room at all the guys who had played on Tim's team over the years I realized that we all would share one major thing in common the rest of our lives.  We all became better men because of his friendship and influence.  All stronger because of his leadership.

It's been several years since we said goodbye to Tim.  I have no doubt that he has been in the football stands of Heaven cheering on the Tide the last few seasons.  I know he didn't want to leave his wife and daughters.  I know he wanted to be there for his mother, brothers and all of us.  Tim understood God had a greater plan and he was always willing to submit to His will.  He would want everyone he loved to be happy for him and to realize that he had achieved the ultimate reward a little earlier than the rest of us.

The weaker kid doesn't alwasy outlive the Quarterback.  Because I was lucky enough to have a friend like Tim, I owe it to God, Tim, and myself to be the best I can and to dwell on those good memories when times get hard, not the bad ones.  If the Quarterback could say one thing it would be "here's the ball, now run!"

Love to you all.

Self Esteem Factor

Why is it that we are always so concerned what other people think of us?  Why do we define our own success based on the approval or opinnion of others?  It's a common character flaw that most people deal with from time to time.  I would like to think the need to please everyone else lessens as we mature, but I am not sure it applies in all cases.  Self esteem is a key factor in battling any sort of chemical imbalance.  It's crucial to have a high enough opinion of ourselves to outweigh what negative thoughts others may have.

Another form of weakness that some feel is paranoia.  When we doubt ourselves, we start to believe that others are doubting even more.  I have done this to myself many times.  I have defined my own success through comparison to what someone else has accomplished.  Oh, if Joe Cool over there has that big job and that new home and car, he must think I am a failure???  The truth is that Joe Cool is probably wishing there was something different about himself as well.  He may be looking at me thinking, "wish I was more like Rob when it comes to this or that."

Chemical imbalances can play tricks on our thoughts.  One negative thought can turn into a huge obstacle.  Sort of like my mother has always told me, "you make mountains out of molehills."

God's Word tells us not to covet one another.  Our interpretation of that may only apply to material posessions, but God meant it to apply to every aspect of life.  If we admire someone'e great personality, it's okay to strive to be like that person.  In fact, as Christians hopefully we do influence each other in positive ways.  The important thing is not to look at someone else's good habits and think of it as a stumbling block in our own lives.  "Oh, I will never be like that.  I don't have what it takes to be as good as him."  View the good qualities of others as motivation or an example of how you can improve.

When my mother and step-dad allowed me to start driving and going out with friends, I would always stop by Granny's porch and let her "see me" before leaving.  She would always pray for my safety on the road and then give me her advice about surrounding myself with good people.  She would always ask me who I was hanging out with.  My best friend in school and college was Ken Bryant.  He is probably one of the best men to ever enter my life.  He's down to earth, respectable, honorable, and just a regular good ole boy.  He was a great influence on me.  I used to tell Granny, "I am a lot meaner than anyone I am hanging out with."  I am not sure if this was an exaggeration or not, but I said this because I was a pretty decent kid and I wanted my Granny to know that my friends were all better people than me.  I said this trying to be humble.  In my opinion Ken is a much better person than me.  He is smart, talented, has a beautiful wife and three amazing kids, but I don't covet him.  I am happy for him.  He deserves all the happiness life can give.  Where I am wrong is thinking all of Ken's accomplishments make him better than me.  He would be the first to stand up and say Rob Goodwin is a great man.  You see, humility is a good thing, but not if we allow it to diminish our self esteem to a point that it contributes to our depression.

Having a high enough opinion of ourselves so that we can accomplish good things is important.  Every time I have failed in my life it is becaause I willed myself to do that.  I have a very bad habit of waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Realism is good, but pessimism is not!  Anything worth having takes work and you have to start out with an attitude of victory not failure.  This is a lesson I am learning with maturity.

The poeple who love us the most in this world suffer when we put ourselves down.  Think about the one person that you love more than anyone else, your mate or a child.  Maybe it is your parent or a best friend.  What if they constantly demeaned themselves or pointed out their flaws to a point that it held them back in life?  It would make you sad.  You woudln't like that.  We have to think of others when we are developing and implementing our outlook on life.

One last thing I want to say about this subject is that we can't blame other people for our situations or  low self esteem.  God says do not put your faith in man.  Don't let your attitude or approach to life rest in how someone else feels about you.  We don't all click with one another.  We don't all have the same chemstry as friends.  Some people don't appreciate my honesty or openness about my disease, but that doesn't mean I will change who I am.  I follow what 's in my heart and what is in God's plan.  The notes of encouragment and the thank yous push me forward and strongly outweigh anyones distaste for me.

God is the architect of our lives.  He has the plan, but He gives us the tools to build.  He is the designer, but we do the painting.  We decide the strokes and the colors.  Be thankful for the self control and freedom we are blessed with. Follow God's lead, not what your neighbor, co-worker, or friend has done.

Maybe it's all the vitamin D from the sunshine I have gotten today, but I love myself.  I am proud of what I am doing.  I believe it's what God designed.  I know in my heart the same applies to you as well.  Love to you all.

Myra Nell, Southern Belle

The first time I went to dinner at the home of Myra Nell McElroy I was smitten by her traditional hospitality.  Nell, as she is affectionately known by her friends and loved ones lives in a beautiful brick rancher, situated prominently on a tree-lined street in Weaver, AL.  A visitor immediately feels warm and right at home at Nell’s place.  She is the ideal hostess.  A tall, slim, Miss America-type lady, Nell is beautiful both inside and out.  She loves to smile and chuckle and her best friend is Josiah, a magnificent large collie.

From a very young age my grandmothers taught me to respect intelligent and caring women.  Nell, although not old enough to be my grandmother, is like a second Mom to me.  In fact, next to her sons Mark and Mike, she calls me her third.  Although delicate and demure it would seem, Myra Nell is the kind of person you can talk to about anything.  Her heart is made of gold and her shoulder of iron!  After rearing two great men, Nell lost the love of her life, Maron “Mac” McElroy when she was just shy of 60 years old.  Having lived over 20 years as a widow, Nell has endured her share of life’s trials.  She is also a cancer survivor.  She is an example of faith, determination, and an unbreakable spirit.

On Sunday mornings when I arrive at the Ohatchee Church of Christ, I am greeted with a smile and a hug from my special friend.  We have been sitting together on “our pew” for several years now.  Last October, Nell and I shared an incredible loss.  Our dear friend Jean Chappell went on to her great reward and we have both missed her terribly.  Jean took both of us in as family.  After losing my grandmother in 2003, both Nell and Jean stepped up and became wonderful spiritual counselors to me.  Many nights I have spent in the McElroy living room telling stories, praying, laughing, crying, and sharing all emotions with my dear sweet friend. 

Myra Nell enjoys her home.  She is proud of both Mike and Mark and their families.  She loves her grandchildren, great-grandchildren and extended family, but she is happiest right there in Weaver with Josiah.  She is one of those true southern belles who cleans house every day, always has a slice of cake to serve her guests, and speaks in an articulate drawl that makes you proud to be from the Heart of Dixie.

Friendship is a blessing from God.  We are all born into families that we love and appreciate, but throughout life’s journey relationships evolve because God sees a need.  I am so fortunate to have the kind of friend in Myra Nell who loves me unconditionally.  Serving our Father yields so many great rewards in addition to our salvation.  God wants us to be happy, prosperous and healthy while on earth.  He gives us these angelic friendships to make our journey a little better…a little safer.  No one can face trial or hardship alone, it’s always better to endure with a friend beside you.  Whatever your struggle might be, lean on your friends.  Let God work in your life through the influence of others. 

Ask yourself what you can do to thank your friends who are always there for you.  When we do things for others who make our lives so much sweeter, we are doing the Will of God.  Friendship is a resource to learn to love.  It’s the emotion we will enjoy in eternity, so why not get used to it now?  My friend Myra Nell has a favorite restaurant.  She becomes giddy when invited to Red Lobster.  I think I will call her right now and extend an invitation.  Love to you all.

Walking In Sunlight

It feels so good to actually be smiling while I am writing.  When I sit down to work on my book or add articles to my blog it is important that I am feeling inspired.  Today, I am so inspired that I am not sure my fingers can keep up with my thoughts.  The people in my inner circle know that for the last several months I have truly struggled with my depression.  As always, God has delivered me from a long manic episode.  I didn’t realize just how much I was affecting everyone around me until this week.  When I finally started feeling better and was able to look ahead to my bright future, my closest friends and loved ones were letting me know one by one just how worried they were.  When a person suffers from depression he spends a lot of time feeling sorry for himself; and though it is a horrible disease, he may forget how much his loved ones are affected.  This entry is my apology and hopefully encouragement to others to take whatever steps are needed to get better.

Depression is a dark place.  The adjective “dark” is very important in this description because when I am in one of my rapid cycling phases, I actually crave darkness.  Last night I was driving home from work and the rain was beating violently against my windshield.  It was one of those really cold hard rains where even on high setting, your windshield wipers can’t seem to do enough.  When I am at my lowest points, I look forward to darkness and storms.  Over the last few months, I have obsessed about rainy, dark and dreary weather.  I check the forecast on my iPad every day just to make sure the weather looks bad.  In those low moods, I hate sunshine.  It’s a selfish feeling, but I don’t want everyone else to be happy.  Dark rainy days put a damper on everyone’s life.  To me, it is easy to hide out on those days.  It’s easy to justify coming home from work and crawling under the covers with no attempt at social interaction.  It’s very dangerous behavior, but I have lived with this mentality on and off for many years.  In my mind, I can hide from the world in the dark.  I can hide from my problems. 

I know that I have made a turn for the better because last night’s dark and rainy weather took me by surprise.  I was not expecting it.  I had not planned for it.  I had not wished it upon Northeast Alabama.  It actually got on my nerves.  Earlier in the day the sun was shining very bright and I walked outside, looked up at blue skies and smiled.  That is a great feeling.  Humans are supposed to crave sunlight.  It is supposed to make us feel better.  The vitamin D is not only good for our skin, but our mentality. 

How did I get so low for the last few months?  How did I pull out of it?  These are the important questions you need answered to understand depression.  People who suffer from a form of depression have a chemical imbalance and don’t have the ability to bounce back from a tragedy, illness, heartbreak, or in some cases, mild disappointment.  Since I have battled depression for most of my life, I have learned how my mind works.  It doesn’t take much for me to trend toward sadness.  If a tragedy or a disappointment occurs in my life it compounds the problem.  In October, I lost my dear friend Jean Chappell.  Jean was a great confidant for me.  She actually saved my life.  She and her late husband C.E. intervened when I was in one of the worst manic episodes of my life.  She had experienced depression for years as a breast cancer survivor and recognized my signs.  Without her help, I wouldn’t be here today, I would not be a writer, and I would not be a productive Christian.  Losing Jean was like saying goodbye to my safety net.  The next few months spiraled out of control.  All areas of my life were affected.

The road to recovery from this episode also began because of Jean.  She taught me never to keep secrets about my depression from the people I love.  She always encouraged me to talk about it and put my feet to it!  Reach out to as many people as I could.  I did just that.  I reached out to my loved ones including my church family.  I have no idea how any person survives a life crisis without God and His children.  I prayed very long prayers, wrote five and six page pleas in my journals to God, and frequently communicated with my brothers and sisters in Him.  I think I lost count of how many people were actually praying for things to turn around for me.  It takes time and it may not work out the way we think or even the way we direct God.  Prayers are answered when we truly submit to His will.  I had to learn this the hard way, but I am living proof.  Leave the what, where, when, why and how to Him.

The scriptures tell us that God will never place more on us than we can handle.  I was at a point where I was telling God in every single prayer, I can’t handle any more. “ Please realize I have reached my limit” was my plea.  He never left my side.  The spirit continued to dwell in me and keep me going.  God worked through the people in my life to bring about the change I needed to start my recovery. 

Christians are powerful people.  We are the strongest on earth.  God can handle everything.  No obstacle is too big and He uses His children as the resource for fighting evil.  We have to hit our knees, make our requests known to God and then stand up and walk toward the sunlight that we need.  I understand being so depressed that you don’t even feel like praying.  When you hit that point, if you trust in Him, you are close to a breakthrough, I promise you.  I realize that God has allowed me to learn these lessons so that I can help others.  We learn compassion for other people through our own experiences.  Trials and tribulations shouldn’t be viewed as a test of faith, but training to handle larger obstacles in the future. 

The most important advice I can give anyone is that you can’t do this alone.  You need to place God as the first and foremost contact.  Secondly, surround yourself with other Christian friends and loved ones who have compassion for your plight.  Finally, seek the medical help or counseling you need to get on the road to recovery.  It may sound like a simple plan, it isn’t.  It’s very hard, but you need to know that you can do it. 

In the early days I used to deal with great shame about my depression.  I have had very close friends and family tell me that I was ruining my reputation.  I have recently even gotten private email requests to stop airing my dirty laundry and the details of my life.  This attitude is simple and closed minded.  God expects all of us to use the talents and experiences of our life to help others.  Imagine if I or you did not reach out and talk about our problems how many people might suffer in silence and even succumb to this disease.  I speak openly to serve my God, assign accountability to myself, and hopefully help someone else who is hurting. 

Will another manic episode creep up in my future?  Regardless of what I face in my future, I am better prepared to cope.  I realize how much better it is to look for the sunlight in the forecast rather than the rain.

“Walking in sunlight all of my journey,

Over the mountains, through the deep vale;

Jesus has said, I’ll never forsake thee—

Promise divine that never can fail. Refrain:

Heavenly sunlight! Heavenly sunlight!

Flooding my soul with glory divine;

Hallelujah! I am rejoicing,

Singing His praises, Jesus is mine!”

-lyrics by Henry J. Zelley pub. 1899

 

Love to you all.

Unanswered Prayers

Christians are taught to take everything to God in prayer.  When we or a loved one face an illness, we get on our knees and we go to God in prayer.  When we are enduring relationship issues, we bow our heads and take advantage of the avenue of communication through Jesus.  When our career hits a brick wall, we retreat into our private place, confident in the scripture, “ask and ye shall receive.”  When we make our requests known to God we sometimes include a list of instructions.  God doesn’t need our direction.  He holds the master plan for our lives, it’s called His Will.  I have recently discovered this to be one of my greatest flaws.  Prayer with specifications means prayer with limitations. 

 

It is okay to let God know our dreams and to even ask Him for exactly what we want, but I sometimes make the mistake of holding Him to my timeline and my precise plan.  Putting all your eggs in one basket or getting your hopes up to expect every wish granted is impractical.  God’s plan is greater than our own.  God’s wisdom is far beyond our comprehension.

 

Garth Brooks sang a song in the early 1990’s called, “Unanswered Prayers.”  Some of the lyrics are listed below:

 

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.  Remember when you’re talking to the man upstairs.  Just because He may not answer, doesn’t mean He doesn’t care.  Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

 

In the song, Garth tells the story of a young love not working out the way he wanted.  He later marries the love of his life and at a high school reunion runs into the old flame.  It doesn’t take long to realize that God never intended for him to be with this woman.  The right choice was made for his life.  It took him a while to realize, but God had something better planned for him.

 

When our hearts break because a dream doesn’t come to pass, a loved one doesn’t survive an illness, or a relationship doesn’t stand the test of time, we must realize there is a purpose.  My Granny used to always say, “we will understand in the by and by.”  As I get older, I realize that I have had so many questions I wanted answered that I have already forgotten most of them.  God heals our wounds.  We won’t stay lonely, downtrodden, or disheartened for long.  If we continue to look to Him and truly focus on the words, Thy Will Be Done, the end result will be greater than anything we wished for.

 

I recently complained to a dear friend that my past sins were holding me back from achieving the blessings I asked for in my future.  She disagreed with me and pointed me to David’s pleas with God in Psalms.  David committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her husband slain in war.  He paid with the death of his young son.  This was a consequence of his sin.  He truly repented and God restored him and gave him a king for a son in Solomon.  Look at the sins committed by Saul.  He murdered believers in cold blood.  Later he was truly sorry for his sins and was transformed into Paul, one of the greatest Apostles.  God doesn’t hold us back and He doesn’t allow our sin to hold us back.  It is our mind that renders this negative sentence.  The same mind that gave God directions on how I wanted my life to go is the same mind that allows my previous sins to impede my future happiness.  I am weak and God is powerful.

 

Over the course of the last few days I have learned that God has much greater plans for me.  While I have been frightfully creating havoc and turmoil in my own heart and my close friends, He has been at ease lining up my blessings.  You see, we have to convey to God what it is we need, “Lord, I need a healthy family or Lord, will you please bless me financially.”  We just don’t need to say, “Father, on February 12, 2013 I need you to deposit $2000 in my checking account.”  It is not going to happen.  We communicate to the Lord through Jesus Christ what we need and we let Him work out the what, where, when, how and why.  This is the true meaning of faith.

 

That dream you have been holding onto and holding God accountable for may not fit into the puzzle of your life in God’s eyes.  What we have to realize is that His plan is greater.  It has more abundance, happiness, and influence than anything our minds could imagine.  We need to learn to ask for our daily bread more often and trust in the promise that God will exceed our imagination.

 

People say that we go through hard times to come out stronger.  I have learned to appreciate unanswered prayers in the last few days and that is my growth as a Christian.  I am stronger.  I am more prepared to help others.  The journey through the storm may have been quite painful, but the beauty of the rainbow on the other side has exceeded my imagination.

 

Love to you all.